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  1. #21
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    I used to think I was conflict-avoidant, but actually I'm not. I'm not afraid of conflicts at all, and I'd rather deal with them now than later. I just don't have a lot of energy so I pick my battles. Most things aren't worth getting upset over anyways.
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  2. #22
    Retired Nicki's Avatar
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    Sometimes conflict can be a bit frightening to deal with it, but other times it can be fun if your life's been boring lately. I can be fairly confrontational when people severely disrespect me or do something that doesn't jive with me. I try not to be unnecessarily mean though especially if I relate to the person who made me angry.
    I really like cats and food.

  3. #23
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    I'm like a cat: highly conflict-avoidant at all times, until you're stupid enough to corner me without consent.

    I won't start a conflict coz someone is pissing me off, or upsets me, as I consider it a point of pride to be able to see the other person's pov, and find some common ground/middle ground on which to negotiate and find a win-win situation for the both of us. Diplomacy/negotiating is a skill, after all.

    Aside from that, I'm not arrogant enough to believe that everyone should share my pov on the world.

    However, there is one exception to that rule: if you are causing harm or suffering to others, or you're threatening me, loved ones, or even just helpless targets - be it animals or people, the gloves come off. Especially if it is done intentionally - if not, I'll try my diplomacy strategy first. There is a limit to my patience though, believe it or not.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  4. #24
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    I dislike a lot of conflicts because they seem really unnecessary. In so many cases it's just someone being stubborn, refusing to see the other side of things, refusing to take one for the team, etc. Other times it's due to red tape and communication issues that could be resolved by improving systems that people don't want to improve because it takes time and money, so that pisses me off on a systemic level. If we kept our systems running at optimal levels, we'd avoid conflict.

    On a personal level, it's frustrating because it's messy to confront. If you're overbearing, then you're a jackass and you're not helping anyone. If you're not assertive enough, then you may well not get the solution you're hoping for. It's a delicate balance and it's different with every person and every situation. And I really just don't like making people pissed off at me, because angry people suck, but also because then they won't want to help me if I ever need it.

    IRL I mostly tend to confront only in close relationships because those are the only situations that really matter to me. I don't usually care otherwise, unless it gets to an unbearable point. But when the flood gates open...

  5. #25
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    Weird. I love and thrive on conflict.

  6. #26
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Honor View Post
    I have noticed a tendency in my NF friends...especially my INFJ and ENFP friends to avoid conflict like it's the devil. I'm really curious as to which NFs are the most conflict-averse and which ones aren't so shy to engage. So, if you're in a mood to share, NFs, are you conflict-avoidant?
    I'm conflict-avoidant in that I generally take measures to try to keep them from happening, by addressing the situation before it comes to a head.It's natural for people to end up stepping on one another's toes some time or another. "Conflict" doesn't have to = "fight."

    I dislike when people I care for are upset with me, it's obviously uncomfortable & not something I get pleasure from or consciously intend to cause. Communication is key, even if it's uncomfortable. And even if it isn't well-received. At least I tried. I can't just brush shit under the rug and pretend everything's fine, when it's not. Unless I don't give a damn about the person, in which case, everything is fine, because I don't give a damn about them/don't let them affect me.

    Will you tell someone if they're upsetting you or you want their behavior to change?
    Yes. see above.
    I won't tell them outright to change, but I will evaluate the situation with them in a neutral setting, and express how X makes me feel, and be receptive to their feedback/feelings on this. If they actually care about me, and it's something within reason, all they need is to have it brought to their attention to adjust, because they'd want to. And I'd want to do the same for them. It's also constructive in that I might be shown that I misunderstood something, which gives me an opportunity to learn from it.

    How do you react when someone picks a fight with you?
    I don't get emotionally close to (or I distance myself from) people who resort to 'picking fights.' I find that behavior toxic. It's problem-oriented behavior vs. solution-oriented. I make efforts to address that pattern with them, because some people genuinely don't know how to otherwise get their feelings out. If I can help them with that, cool. If not, then off I go. Some people get a rush out of a fight, and think it's a good place to release stress. I'm not into using people as my emotional punching bag/trashcan, so I'm not receptive to this dynamic at all.

    When it's unavoidable- I don't back down or pacify (unless I am extremely sick/exhausted, they're nearby, & I physically need to be left alone/permitted to sleep, etc). I don't get aggravated, either, though. I stay a bit detached (getting upset just impairs your judgement), and observe their behavior. I carefully respond to any questions/complaints they might pose in a rational, respectful way (clarify or make an apology here if I've done something to warrant that), & suggest solutions/ask them to do so as well. This can sometimes make someone more irate, but I refuse to respond in a strong emotional way, because people who 'pick fights' are often indirectly demanding that from me. They're fighting just for its own sake. Part of them tends to want the explosion, so they feel validated/vindicated (not speaking in absolutes, here- just summing up what I often encounter). The last thing I want is to feed emotionally parasitic behavior, whether they're aware of it or not. If they're unwilling/unable to calm down, I inform them that I am removing myself from the discussion, because there's no point in continuing until they're calm. And then I do so. I do clarify that their thoughts matter to me- that I genuinely do care that X is bothering them- but I won't talk unless they are able to be civil.

    If it's a physical altercation, I restrain them if I can, & distance myself asap. I don't get mad, though. Too taxing/won't quiet things. I just sort of.. deal with them like a child throwing a tantrum. Most of the time, successfully restraining the person snaps them out of their rage. If I can't restrain them, I don't hesitate to push/strike back until removing myself from their proximity is possible. I've been pretty pissed off when the latter has occurred before, and when it happened with a guy when I was younger, I did hit him one extra time for good measure, strictly out of anger. Not something I'm proud of. I also spit on an old biker guy once, 10yrs ago, when he was repeatedly trying to pick fights with my friends. (we were downtown to see fireworks). He was drunk/high or something.. his gf kept trying to pull him away, & he backhanded her. I just saw red. Called him a shitbag. Spit on him- then he tried to hit me, my friends pulled him away, & I kicked him pretty hard, saying "how the fuck do you like it?" Also not a morally righteous moment, & not anything I would ever do again. I also used to jump into fights when my friend was ambushed by several guys at once. Mostly just hitting/trying to pull them off him, though. I'd do that for anyone I care about without a second thought. I couldn't just watch someone get beaten up in real-time without trying to do something to end it.

    Typically I only would respond physically until the person was no longer actively trying to harm me.
    Overkill makes me no stronger than them. It's a disgusting weakness to me, to strike out of anger. Feelings alone never excuse/condone an individual's choice to launch a physical or psychological assault on another human being. Hitting back, with words or fists, only perpetuates more vile behavior, and unhappiness/stress. In most cases, there are plenty of alternatives: to either positively assert yourself, encourage healthy behavior, foster mutual growth.. or just walk away from a conflict.
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.

  7. #27
    girl with a pretty smile Honor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    I really like to hear exactly what is on other people's minds.. but telling others what is on mine is a really hard thing for me because the way people see me really matters to me more than my thoughts. The way people see me immediately affects me. My thoughts can stew and be analyzed for a while. And, while I know that I won't judge others immediately for the things they say, I really don't trust others to give me that same courtesy back. I don't assume people do things the way I do, even though sometimes it is safe to do so. It helps me keep some form of control of my environment.
    This was especially interesting to me. ENFPs are keenly aware of the way other people perceive them, aren't they?

  8. #28
    girl with a pretty smile Honor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fia View Post
    If I have time to calibrate to someone's communication style, then I can be tolerant of quite rough communication style, but still won't tend to engage in conflict unless I have time to think about it beforehand.
    I relate to this a lot. I'm only confrontational when I have had time to think about things for a long time. When people pick fights with me, especially when I'm caught off guard, I'm either conciliatory or I disengage.

  9. #29
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Honor View Post
    This was especially interesting to me. ENFPs are keenly aware of the way other people perceive them, aren't they?
    Or at least... many ENFPs are very concerned about how other people perceive them. I don't know how astute we are at actually knowing. I usually tend to think people don't like me, and then find out later they're fine with me, while also not realizing my weaknesses that are evidently clear to others.

  10. #30
    girl with a pretty smile Honor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    Or at least... many ENFPs are very concerned about how other people perceive them. I don't know how astute we are at actually knowing. I usually tend to think people don't like me, and then find out later they're fine with me, while also not realizing my weaknesses that are evidently clear to others.
    I can see that. I know an ENFP that fits this description.

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