I know I can come across as cold. Most of the time it's intentional. When meeting new people or in new social situations I can be willfully distant . I normally just sit listen to everyone else talk. I really don't want to be bothered. I'm content just watching. I won't speak unless I have something meaningful to say. I really don't enjoy getting to know people unless I have already established through observation that they are worth getting to know. People always tell me how they didn't think I was as nice as I am until they got to know me. No one ever thinks I'm unapproachable or outright mean but just generally reserved. If I have already established that this person is worth getting to know I can be inviting. I guess i'd break it down like this.
- With strangers I don't wan't to get to know I'm very distant. I'm nice enough not to make them feel uncomfortable but distant enough for them to know not to talk to me.
- With strangers I haven't made my mind up about I'm quiet and observant. I'm careful not to make them feel uncomfortable but I don't let them get too close.
- With stranger that I want to get to know I'll probe them to see if we can work our way up to friendship. I still keep them at a distance but I make more of an effort to be inviting.
Is this normal INFJ behavior ? If so,wouldn't it make INFJ's appear rather cold compared to other NF's. I'm having trouble sorting this out. All of the descriptions I've read about INFJ's gush over how warm and empathetic they are. I know i'm not always that way and intentionally so. I know I have a great depth of emotion and feeling but I'm not comfortable projecting that to strangers. I put up a hard shell and when I start to get too emotional I will withdrawal. It's not that i'm uncomfortable with my emotions or emotion in general. I'm just not comfortable flaunting them in front of strangers like some kind of emotional peacock. For me to reveal that to you I have to know you pretty well. I'm more of an emotional turtle in that respect. Not overly flamboyant, kinda distant, coming out to engage if i'm comfortable but always ready to retreat at a moments notice. That sounds INFJ-ish to me but It's not the warmest first impression.