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Thread: Do you ever find INFJ's to be a bit cold at first?

  1. #31
    mickey maüs Array Typh0n's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    ILI Ni


    I dont relate. Maybe its because I am a socionics ENFj?

  2. #32
    wants Mifune clone minion Array Z Buck McFate's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    5w4 sx/sp


    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    I read the original post and skipped the rest, so this is just to say that how you described yourself is exactly the same way I am, and I have had many people say they were surprised at all the warm gooey goodness inside once they got past what they saw as a fairly crusty exterior. One person said I should let more people get to know me, because I would enjoy more love, because I'm lovable once I'm comfortable. The thing she didn't realize is my values just don't point me in that direction. Life is not a popularity contest and I don't value the approval of everybody around me. I only value the approval of the people I admire -- or sometimes the people I just can't help being drawn to, even if I don't admire them. But either way, whether somebody likes me or not doesn't make much difference in my world unless I feel a kinship with them and have an instinct to want to share with them, which is not everybody. So it could be an INFJ thing, and it could be an INFJ 4w5 thing, I don't know. But yes, I have the exact same experience.
    Same for me (bolded). And a few people have said I should 'let more people get to know me'- but that somehow reminds me of the Steven Wright joke "24 hour banking? I don't have time for that." [Because only certain people draw it out of me.]

    I can remember one person telling me they like me when there aren't many people around, but not in crowds.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari

  3. #33
    Senior Member Array iNtrovert's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    4w5 sp/so


    There really aren't enough hours in the day for me to socialize with everyone around me and hibernate...I like people just in small doses
    "Re-examine all that you have been told... dismiss that which insults your soul."_Walt Whitman

  4. #34
    thankful Array PeaceBaby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    937 so/sx


    At the risk of sounding redundant in these types of threads of late, I would like to point out what I think is of some real significance here - the instinctual subtype.

    An so-dom (social dominant) INFJ is going to feel more 'warm' than their sp or sx counterparts. I think this is likely more important to the overall feeling of warmth (between INFJ's at least) than most other definable factors I can think of.

    I would agree that INFJ's initially present as the coldest NF. Not that they are cold, but they keep distance with intention and to some people, that is palpable and discernible, and does indeed feel cold.
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt

    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  5. #35
    movin melodies Array kiddykat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    4, 7


    A lot of the INFJs I meet appear cold as a way to maintain their personal boundaries. Whenever I interact with one, maybe it's our chemistry or something, I get them to warm up pretty quickly and open up. I recognize 'the distance' as an exterior. Usually, they appear somewhat emotionally detached, but are actually quite considerate and sincere. How they appear isn't always how they really are. And when I communicate with an INFJ, I automatically send of the vibe I understand and lay back a little, and the INFJs seem to come back closer. It's a matter of not invading someone's personal space too soon. But, with patience the INFJ opens up, and will be one of your most loyal friends and dedicated workers.

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