Fi users (especially FPs) - what do you like about Fe?

[Fun in the Sun]

I don't mind Fe too much. Dominant and auxillary Fe users can get me to open up more, if I know them well enough. But sometimes, they don't seem to understand that if I say no to something that I really mean it, like offering me something to drink a hundred times when I told them I'm fine though I know its just them trying to be helpful and making sure I'm comfortable.

I think the only issues I've really been bothered by are by unhealthy Fes that can be really judgmental, judging my behaviors and such. Oh, and when some Fe users ask me how I'm doing and then act uninterested when I start telling them. I've learned in those cases to just keep it brief.

 

[Qlip]

This is more of a problem IRL, especially with a distraught, stressed, or unhealthy Fe dom, they will resort to just about anything, including public shaming and martyr-like blaming (that is painfully transparent) in order to get you to do what they want.

I actually got sick of it with my ESFJ friend. At first, I regarded her from a distance, not being able to tell if she was ESTJ or ESFJ, but seeing that she was constantly "doing" and that she also seemed to have an unfortunate tendency to act like she owned everything and everyone...however, as I got to know her, she was completely obviously ESFJ, charming me and drawing me in with her warmth, compliments, and nurturing behavior. I was suddenly less put off by her overbearing behavior and more charmed by her nurturing, and we had some really great talks and good laughs.

It was fine, as long as our friendship was casual, and she was able to keep up the Fe "show" of only showing me her best behaved, most hostly, most mom-like self. We were great friends.

Then after a series of unfortunate events, I got to know "the real her" a little too closely, and found myself all too often either the audience or eventually the target, to her histrionic blaming and shaming, and overt attempts to control everyone's behavior and feelings to how SHE wanted it.

So I did what any FP would do, and simply took off. I packed my things and promptly left (we were roommates as well as friends). I haven't spoken to her since, and she's never apologized.

It was no longer feasible to simply avoid her or tell myself "that's just how she is, and I know not to do abc because she'll always do xyz"...it had come to the point where she had decided that I was one of her minions, under her emotional terrorist control.

Um, nope.

Not all ESFJs are like that, but she's pretty much the text book case of an unhealthy one. My ESFJ ex was kind of similar, and he was still young enough that he would actually resort to adolescent high school-esque tactics.

Yeah, an unhealthy ExFJ is definitely something to avoid. Unbalanced Fe, especially one on one or in a small group is a nightmare.

 

[cafe]

I dont understand this about Fe users. Can't you read facial expressions? If someone tells you they're fine but they have a *strange* look on their face or their body language doesn't match their words, can't you see it?

I'd take it to mean "Mind your own business" and I'd probably respect their privacy and autonomy by minding my own business.

 

[OrangeAppled]

There are more reasons to like it than not... although I can't say I dislike a thought process anyway. What can irritate me about it - or the way it manifests in people - is often rather minor & no worse than what can irritate me about other functions including Fi.

The biggest problem is when I feel misunderstood & unfairly judged or totally invalidated by FJs. If that happens enough, it stirs a desire to reject their whole game out of spite. But then I get over it.

Oh wait, I forgot about the emotional manipulation too. Yeah.... that sucks. FPs can be excellent at resisting shaming, and this tends to irritate FJs and then you have a bad cycle.

 

[Southern Kross]

Really?

Do we really have to do this?

I don't need to explain what a great function Fe is. Me sitting here and outlining all that would be an insult Fe users - like it's such an evil function that I have to make a particular effort to explain why it's not.

And as for the rest of the Fi users here that can't say a positive thing about Fe, even in a thread specifically calling for it... ...I'm embarrassed on behalf of my own dominant function. Any opportunity to harp on about nasty Fe, eh? I don't know why anyone is wasting their time trying to convince them otherwise.

We've had some interesting and productive threads on this in the past, but now I'm just sick of the irrational Fe hate. I don't like it when people bad-mouth Fi (in retaliation, or just in general), so why should I do the same to others? Fe has its faults, just as Fi does - it doesn't deserve such an unequal amount of railing against it.

/rant

 

[Fun in the Sun]

Oh, also, thanks to those with Fe in my life for keeping me on the straight and narrow! I don't know what I would've done without you in my life. Quite a few of them never stopped showing they cared, by sending me holiday and birthday cards year after year without a single response or thanks from me They were there for me even in my darkest hours and even though they didn't know that, it made a world of difference to me. Because of them, I now send out thank you and birthday cards, to show people I do care and I also don't let people down by keeping my word.

 

[Chiharu]

I'm somewhat jealous of Fe users, actually. I love their expressiveness.

 

[Fun in the Sun]

I'm somewhat jealous of Fe users, actually. I love their expressiveness.

Me too! I just can't put that much expression in my face while talking. When I try, it feels so unnatural, but they do it so well!

 

[Chiharu]

Me too! I just can't put that much expression in my face while talking. When I try, it feels so unnatural, but they do it so well!

Ikr? Pictures, too. I can't smile for crap in pictures, even when I'm thinking of something nice. The small changes don't register.

 

[Elfboy]

Though the themes of the forum since late have mainly been focused on apparent misogyny and misandry on the forum, there is an undeniable hatred towards Fe in here it could be seen.

indeed (points to self)

I can think of a few good things about Fe though
- Fe users tend to make wonderful teachers because go out of their way to meet you half way rather than just throwing a bunch of info at you (learning is hard work, it's nice when someone understands that)
- Fe users are more adaptable. by contrast, Fi is possibly the most closed minded, stubborn and dogmatic of all the functions (points to self once again)
- they often make good hosts
- if you want to manipulate someone, Fe is a good place to start (this is not how most FJs use it, but it's how I would use it )

other than that, I'll be blunt, I hate Fe

And as for the rest of the Fi users here that can't say a positive thing about Fe, even in a thread specifically calling for it... ...I'm embarrassed on behalf of my own dominant function. Any opportunity to harp on about nasty Fe, eh? I don't know why anyone is wasting their time trying to convince them otherwise.

you're such an So dom

 

[Standuble]

And as for the rest of the Fi users here that can't say a positive thing about Fe, even in a thread specifically calling for it... ...I'm embarrassed on behalf of my own dominant function.

If you spend your life being embarrassed by the antics of other Fi-doms then chances are the embarrassment and shame would become so great you would eventually kill yourself. As an Fi-dom who chose to bitch about Fe in this thread my answer is: I felt like it and I enjoyed rubbing it in the mud. Who knows, if an Fe user could actually explain to me for what greater purpose all this "regulation of interpersonal relations" actually serves (other than an Fe user's own desires) then I may embrace it. But as of yet I have never seen this occur so I am left to conclude it is as "selfish" as Fi but refuses to acknowledge itself as such.

 

[Southern Kross]

If you spend your life being embarrassed by the antics of other Fi-doms then chances are the embarrassment and shame would become so great you would eventually kill yourself. As an Fi-dom who chose to bitch about Fe in this thread my answer is: I felt like it and I enjoyed rubbing it in the mud. Who knows, if an Fe user could actually explain to me for what greater purpose all this "regulation of interpersonal relations" actually serves (other than an Fe user's own desires) then I may embrace it. But as of yet I have never seen this occur so I am left to conclude it is as "selfish" as Fi but refuses to acknowledge itself as such.

It's nice to know you're being completely fair and don't have an axe to grind that might cloud your judgement. Fe-users are sure to find this attitude highly inviting and will no doubt be queuing up to justify themselves to you.

 

[Standuble]

It's nice to know you're being completely fair and don't have an axe to grind that might cloud your judgement. Fe-users are sure to find this attitude highly inviting and will no doubt be queuing up to justify themselves to you.

I can do sarcasm as well. I'm not really in the mood for Fe-users today but perhaps I can spare a few minutes if they choose to approach me. After all this is an answer I have been waiting a long time for. I don't really have an axe to grind as much as it seems, I ignore most of their antics. I just want to know what the fuck is going on?

I'm not going to start patting them on the back for putting on a performance akin to the pantomime or the face. If they're lucky though I may (if I was suitably entertained) thank them for giving me something to laugh at. You can if you choose but try and keep your compliments of Fe authentic and genuine. We don't want you to start brown nosing and kissing ass now do we?

 

[skylights]

Both good points. But something that has always bothered me about how Fe is described is that it is often outlined as a function depending entirely on environment and that without a positive environment it becomes used to bad practice and poor conduct, because that would be the social norm.

I can't imagine, for example, Fe ever coming up with ideas of rebellion or social change, without those ideas first being implanted in the Fe's environment by external sources. The flimsiness of this is quite frightening when you examine it.

Ah, but Fe (like Te, Ne, and Se) isn't "external" in the sense that the user wields no control over it. We focus on and interpret the things that are most important to us - and Fe acts on values and may help develop them, but the functions are brain processes, not content. It is up to each individual to determine the content.

Take an ENFJ friend of mine from college - he was a lanky, little bit dorky white guy who was at the head of a grasroots student movement to increase racial diversity in the school. Most students really didn't have that issue even on their minds, and it was very unpopular amongst the administration, who would prefer not to draw attention to that, but it was a present external disparity with negative consequences, and he used his incredible charisma and interpersonal skills to increase awareness amongst his peers and affect change.

 

[Southern Kross]

I can do sarcasm as well. I'm not really in the mood for Fe-users today but perhaps I can spare a few minutes if they choose to approach me. After all this is an answer I have been waiting a long time for. I don't really have an axe to grind as much as it seems, I ignore most of their antics. I just want to know what the fuck is going on?

But can't you see how condescending you sound and that your questions are loaded?

You can if you choose but try and keep your compliments of Fe authentic and genuine. We don't want you to start brown nosing and kissing ass now do we?

Maybe I'm secretly a Fe user and that's why I'm so fake.

You want to know my motivations? I saw this thread pop up and was offended by the OP and its implication that FPs around here don't/can't have respect for Fe; that we're all prejudiced against it. Upon reading the thread, I was then ashamed and disappointed to discover that it wasn't far from the truth. Also it seemed those comments would only further fuel all the negative things people say about Fi, which I was not impressed about either. So pardon me for not jumping on the hate bandwagon, and wanting to distance myself from all that.

This isn't Fe ass kissing; it's a Te-bitchslap.

 

[PeaceBaby]

Much of what I am reading seems about being so-dom, not specifically about Fi or Fe. (Or not being so-dom.)

So, carry on with the misinformation-fest.

 

[Standuble]

Ah, but Fe (like Te, Ne, and Se) isn't "external" in the sense that the user wields no control over it. We focus on and interpret the things that are most important to us - and Fe acts on values and may help develop them, but the functions are brain processes, not content. It is up to each individual to determine the content.

Take an ENFJ friend of mine from college - he was a lanky, little bit dorky white guy who was at the head of a grasroots student movement to increase racial diversity in the school. Most students really didn't have that issue even on their minds, and it was very unpopular amongst the administration, who would prefer not to draw attention to that, but it was a present external disparity with negative consequences, and he used his incredible charisma and interpersonal skills to increase awareness amongst his peers and affect change.

This seems to be confirming the assertion AA made as well as my thoughts on the matter. The ENFJ seemed to have access to two environments if I'm not mistaken - a primary one which promoted that racial diversity was good and the campus. If the campus was the lesser of the two it would be classified as deficient and then subject to alteration so it became more like the primary (which sees racial diversity as morally right.) If this is true then it doesn't challenge AA's statement - Had an environment which lacked diversity been his only ethical construct he wouldn't have battered an eyelid, let alone sought to change it.

 

[Standuble]

But can't you see how condescending you sound and that your questions are loaded?


Maybe I'm secretly a Fe user and that's why I'm so fake.

You want to know my motivations? I saw this thread pop up and was offended by the OP and its implication that FPs around here don't/can't have respect for Fe; that we're all prejudiced against it. Upon reading the thread, I was then ashamed and disappointed to discover that it wasn't far from the truth. Also it seemed those comments would only further fuel all the negative things people say about Fi, which I was not impressed about either. So pardon me for not jumping on the hate bandwagon, and wanting to distance myself from all that.

This isn't Fe ass kissing; it's a Te-bitchslap.

Mate, you have the wrong end of the stick and/or jumping to conclusions.

1) I applied the condescending tone because you were sarcastic about my first post which was actually serious with no ill will. I like to play games so rose to the challenge.
2) You completely missed the point of the second paragraph. Well done. I wasn't calling you fake, it blatantly indicated you had the capacity to be genuine!
3) Fi-dom views about Fe are just opinions. Opinions I might add we tried to justify to make any anti-Fe more rational. In the end though opinions are like assholes.
4) Believing Fi criticism of Fe makes Fi look in a bad light is without basis. It would just be a person's opinion.

I won't reply anymore as I am making a calculated attempt to leave this site for good. Something I had to take care of caused my addiction to return and I lack willpower and I'm weak willed. So if you are to reply then don't expect a response.

Farewell.

 

[digesthisickness]

Opinion Shmopinion. Title is requesting something nice if possible. Would it have been so hard to just say something nice or nothing at all?

 

[PeaceBaby]

Opinion Shmopinion. Title is requesting something nice if possible. Would it have been so hard to just say something nice or nothing at all?

Preference would have been to 'nothing at all'. imo, the OP was just bait - better not to bite.