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  1. #41
    Senior Member Fun in the Sun's Avatar
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    I don't mind Fe too much. Dominant and auxillary Fe users can get me to open up more, if I know them well enough. But sometimes, they don't seem to understand that if I say no to something that I really mean it, like offering me something to drink a hundred times when I told them I'm fine though I know its just them trying to be helpful and making sure I'm comfortable.

    I think the only issues I've really been bothered by are by unhealthy Fes that can be really judgmental, judging my behaviors and such. Oh, and when some Fe users ask me how I'm doing and then act uninterested when I start telling them. I've learned in those cases to just keep it brief.

  2. #42
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmotini View Post
    This is more of a problem IRL, especially with a distraught, stressed, or unhealthy Fe dom, they will resort to just about anything, including public shaming and martyr-like blaming (that is painfully transparent) in order to get you to do what they want.

    I actually got sick of it with my ESFJ friend. At first, I regarded her from a distance, not being able to tell if she was ESTJ or ESFJ, but seeing that she was constantly "doing" and that she also seemed to have an unfortunate tendency to act like she owned everything and everyone...however, as I got to know her, she was completely obviously ESFJ, charming me and drawing me in with her warmth, compliments, and nurturing behavior. I was suddenly less put off by her overbearing behavior and more charmed by her nurturing, and we had some really great talks and good laughs.

    It was fine, as long as our friendship was casual, and she was able to keep up the Fe "show" of only showing me her best behaved, most hostly, most mom-like self. We were great friends.

    Then after a series of unfortunate events, I got to know "the real her" a little too closely, and found myself all too often either the audience or eventually the target, to her histrionic blaming and shaming, and overt attempts to control everyone's behavior and feelings to how SHE wanted it.

    So I did what any FP would do, and simply took off. I packed my things and promptly left (we were roommates as well as friends). I haven't spoken to her since, and she's never apologized.

    It was no longer feasible to simply avoid her or tell myself "that's just how she is, and I know not to do abc because she'll always do xyz"...it had come to the point where she had decided that I was one of her minions, under her emotional terrorist control.

    Um, nope.

    Not all ESFJs are like that, but she's pretty much the text book case of an unhealthy one. My ESFJ ex was kind of similar, and he was still young enough that he would actually resort to adolescent high school-esque tactics.
    Yeah, an unhealthy ExFJ is definitely something to avoid. Unbalanced Fe, especially one on one or in a small group is a nightmare.

  3. #43
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pinkgraffiti View Post
    I dont understand this about Fe users. Can't you read facial expressions? If someone tells you they're fine but they have a *strange* look on their face or their body language doesn't match their words, can't you see it?
    I'd take it to mean "Mind your own business" and I'd probably respect their privacy and autonomy by minding my own business.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  4. #44
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    There are more reasons to like it than not... although I can't say I dislike a thought process anyway. What can irritate me about it - or the way it manifests in people - is often rather minor & no worse than what can irritate me about other functions including Fi.

    The biggest problem is when I feel misunderstood & unfairly judged or totally invalidated by FJs. If that happens enough, it stirs a desire to reject their whole game out of spite. But then I get over it.

    Oh wait, I forgot about the emotional manipulation too. Yeah.... that sucks. FPs can be excellent at resisting shaming, and this tends to irritate FJs and then you have a bad cycle.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  5. #45
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Really?

    Do we really have to do this?

    I don't need to explain what a great function Fe is. Me sitting here and outlining all that would be an insult Fe users - like it's such an evil function that I have to make a particular effort to explain why it's not.

    And as for the rest of the Fi users here that can't say a positive thing about Fe, even in a thread specifically calling for it... ...I'm embarrassed on behalf of my own dominant function. Any opportunity to harp on about nasty Fe, eh? I don't know why anyone is wasting their time trying to convince them otherwise.

    We've had some interesting and productive threads on this in the past, but now I'm just sick of the irrational Fe hate. I don't like it when people bad-mouth Fi (in retaliation, or just in general), so why should I do the same to others? Fe has its faults, just as Fi does - it doesn't deserve such an unequal amount of railing against it.

    /rant
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  6. #46
    Senior Member Fun in the Sun's Avatar
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    Oh, also, thanks to those with Fe in my life for keeping me on the straight and narrow! I don't know what I would've done without you in my life. Quite a few of them never stopped showing they cared, by sending me holiday and birthday cards year after year without a single response or thanks from me They were there for me even in my darkest hours and even though they didn't know that, it made a world of difference to me. Because of them, I now send out thank you and birthday cards, to show people I do care and I also don't let people down by keeping my word.

  7. #47
    Senior Member Chiharu's Avatar
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    I'm somewhat jealous of Fe users, actually. I love their expressiveness.
    Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness." ― Kurt Vonnegut

    ENFP. 7w6 – 4w3 – 1w9 sx/so. Aries. Dilettante. Overly anxious optimist.

  8. #48
    Senior Member Fun in the Sun's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chiharu View Post
    I'm somewhat jealous of Fe users, actually. I love their expressiveness.
    Me too! I just can't put that much expression in my face while talking. When I try, it feels so unnatural, but they do it so well!

  9. #49
    Senior Member Chiharu's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fun in the Sun View Post
    Me too! I just can't put that much expression in my face while talking. When I try, it feels so unnatural, but they do it so well!

    Ikr? Pictures, too. I can't smile for crap in pictures, even when I'm thinking of something nice. The small changes don't register.
    Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness." ― Kurt Vonnegut

    ENFP. 7w6 – 4w3 – 1w9 sx/so. Aries. Dilettante. Overly anxious optimist.

  10. #50
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Riva View Post
    Though the themes of the forum since late have mainly been focused on apparent misogyny and misandry on the forum, there is an undeniable hatred towards Fe in here it could be seen.
    indeed (points to self)

    I can think of a few good things about Fe though
    - Fe users tend to make wonderful teachers because go out of their way to meet you half way rather than just throwing a bunch of info at you (learning is hard work, it's nice when someone understands that)
    - Fe users are more adaptable. by contrast, Fi is possibly the most closed minded, stubborn and dogmatic of all the functions (points to self once again)
    - they often make good hosts
    - if you want to manipulate someone, Fe is a good place to start (this is not how most FJs use it, but it's how I would use it )

    other than that, I'll be blunt, I hate Fe

    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post

    And as for the rest of the Fi users here that can't say a positive thing about Fe, even in a thread specifically calling for it... ...I'm embarrassed on behalf of my own dominant function. Any opportunity to harp on about nasty Fe, eh? I don't know why anyone is wasting their time trying to convince them otherwise.
    you're such an So dom
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