If I tell them repeatedly, how much I appreciate openness about feelings, and how little I care about being "disturbed", and they repeatedly ignore this, what does that say? Maybe it's part of their comfort zone, but as an INTP, all this stuff is outside of my comfort zone. That doesn't stop me from trying to do something about it.
If I take action on something that isn't even clear to me what it is, how the hell do I know that I'm not going to make things worse? And how will that make me feel when you get angry about me making things worse despite my best efforts, despite the fact that you refused to even talk about it? Can't we just sidestep that entirely by being honest?
And I need them to be open about their feelings, and not constantly give me mixed messages as a form of "protection" I don't need. Why don't my actual needs count for anything? If it's difficult to talk about, then say "I have difficulty talking about this." I don't see what's "crude" or "cynical" about that.If 2, then your mission is to make them open up slowly, as they probably need it. You're not supposed to magically guess what's wrong with them, only to use your sense of compassion to connect to another human being.