you know, i want feelings, but not my feelings >.> , cause they are painful.
although, i guess i find it mostly waste of time to savour feelings if doing so doesnt contribute into my feeling bank, thus means if savouring the feeling doesnt make progress but is rather just that, staying still, then i wont want it. thus even if huge significant, i might discard(under the rug) feelings just cause i cant seem to make progress on them like my anger/pain i hold from my hearing sense being permanently damaged.
i do wish i could reach a stage where im not under constant emotional mayhem so i could just browse my feelings freely.
i think my conclusion is, trying to live in the moment is unhealthy to me. ive been at that the past few years and apparently it got me crazy.