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  1. #31
    Retired Nicki's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Honor View Post
    That's what I've decided to do.
    Nice, good luck!

  2. #32
    Tenured roisterer SolitaryWalker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Honor View Post
    How do you tell an ESFJ that the friendship is over without them going crazy on you? I'm posting this in the general forum because I want to open it up to responses from all types (including ESFJs whose insight is especially welcome).

    You guys, I am really confused. So, this story has happened to me on two separate occasions now. Through mutual friends, I met an ESFJ. We hung out a lot and did stuff together, and I always thought the relationship was fine. They would always try to invade my space too much (prying too much into my life, expecting me to be way more sensitive to social consensus than I am, the usual complaints people have about ESFJs, you know), and I would kind of beat them back and ignore them when they would sulk about it. From my perspective, we were friends but not super-close-best-friends-forever type of stuff.

    So anyway, eventually they would invite me to something way too intimate for my level of friendship with them (i.e. let's take a trip to the mountains!), and I would politely decline. Then, they went crazy on me. Acting like I had just committed a felony or something, trying to rope lots of people in to be aghast at my "unacceptable" behavior, and when they realized our mutual friends didn't think I did anything wrong, they'd sulk even more. In each case, we were separated by some event (i.e. graduating from college, moving, etc), and when I didn't show enough interest in maintaining the friendship, they would demand an explanation for why. And I would tell them that we were incompatible as friends, but they would want very literal examples of incompatibility and then, would try to refute those examples.

    I'm sorry, but I find this to be bizarre. When people don't want to be friends with me, it sometimes makes me sad for a while, but I would never demand to be friends with them. The vast majority of friends I have, we go through time periods when we're close and some when we're distant...and sometimes they end. It's usually not a big issue. So, what's the deal here? How do you convey to an ESFJ that they didn't do anything "wrong" and you didn't do anything "wrong" but that you're not BFFLs and they should learn how to conduct friendships of different levels of intimacy?

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...-typology.html
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  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Honor View Post
    Insightful. Thx.
    lol well I've never been in that situation, of "having to end a friendship", usually most people are on the same page. And you have now twice, which makes me think maybe there is another side to the story. For someone to go that psycho they would actually have to be a complete crazy (and so why would anyone else be lsitening to their opinion on you anyway?), or you must have disrespected them quite badly.

    As it happened twice, I'd incline to the latter but who knows maybe you're just very, very, very unlucky.

    See, wtf was easier.

    Quote Originally Posted by SolitaryWalker View Post
    Yep.

    Next up, how to shoot INTJ's.

  4. #34
    Level 8 Propaganda Bot SpankyMcFly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Il Morto Che Parla View Post
    ...For someone to go that psycho they would actually have to be a complete crazy (and so why would anyone else be lsitening to their opinion on you anyway?)...
    The ESFJ I work with and dare I say Fe doms/secondarys are very good at caretaking. Always doing you favors, offering assistance and advise. This is how ESFJs keep people in their orbit. Don´t be fooled, they are keeping track of what they´ve done for you and will not hesitate to guilt trip/emotionally manipulate you because you ¨owe¨ them.

    @ Honor: If you two share friends, coworkers, family etc. and you can maintain detente you can use their score keeping propensity to your advantage, it´s a two way street. Do THEM the occasional favor, offer assistance and advise and you will accrue a positive ¨balance¨. This can be tricky as you don´t want to overdo it. They will think twice before doing anything negative to you if you are in the positive since they ¨owe¨ you in their minds.
    "The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents... Some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new Dark Age. " - H.P. Lovecraft

  5. #35
    girl with a pretty smile Honor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Il Morto Che Parla View Post
    (and so why would anyone else be lsitening to their opinion on you anyway?), or you must have disrespected them quite badly.
    ...No one IS listening to their opinions on anything. Go back and re-read the original post.

    As it happened twice, I'd incline to the latter but who knows maybe you're just very, very, very unlucky.
    Logic fail. Maybe I know way more people than you do, and since my sample size is much larger, the likelihood of me running into two crazy people is not slim. Also, we have two entirely different communities, and maybe this kind of crazy tends to occur with greater frequency in mine. <- I can fix one of the 'x''s in your type at this point. You're not an N.

    Next up, how to shoot INTJ's.
    Hahaha

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Honor View Post
    .<- I can fix one of the 'x''s in your type at this point. You're not an N.
    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...ad.php?t=60845


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