I'm realizing my views of certain aspects of life can be traced back to a point in my childhood. For example in the 3rd/ 4th grade I got picked on a lot and no one ever seemed to do anything about it. Then one day my tormentors found someone else to pick on. I don't remember the exact situation but the long and short of it was I could either join them or or continue to be relentlessly humiliated. I remember thinking this is just how the world must work I don't want to be made fun of anymore and it's only fair someone else gets a turn so I decided to join them. The recess monitor noticed the kid was upset and I ended up feeling so bad that I confessed. I told her what happened and gave names of everyone involved but I was the only one that got in trouble. The kid didn't want to look like a snitch so he told the teacher I was lying. I guess he figured I wasn't as much as a threat to him as everyone else. I ended up taking all the credit for making him cry when in reality all I did was laugh and throw a wood chip at him. I took a few things away from that.
1.I didn't like the feeling of personal gain at the expense of others. (I felt horrible I did that.Even now it's uncomfortable to admit to it)
2.Life is not fair. (I was getting picked on for weeks and no one ever came to my rescue)
3.I could only depend on myself for protection( The recess monitors didn't protect me nor did joining the mob)
4.Not to be too trusting. ( Even tho I was the only one to apologize the victim had no problem turning his back on me for personal gain)
Up until that point I remember being very trusting and thinking that following the rules would protect me. I thought what goes around comes around but after that experience I became really skeptical. It's almost like I decided the system didn't work and my whole perception of justice was changed. I felt sometimes the bad guys don't get what they deserve but also I have to answer for my own actions. From then on I decided I had to make and live up to my own standards. (I guess the makings of a J?) Can anyone else remember a moment where their world view changed?