Control and power

[SilkRoad]

I'm just curious about how different people/types feel about issues of power and control and how they play out in your lives.

Are you particularly resistant to the idea of being controlled by others? Do you know why you feel this way? How do you think this plays out with your type (or other types, that you've observed) generally?

What kind of role do you think power and control play in your interpersonal relationships - family, friendships, romantic, work?

Do you think you're a controlling person? Why or why not?

Any or all thoughts on the subject welcome

 

[EJCC]

In all aspects of my life, it's very important for me to know that the right person has power, in the areas that suit them. If I think I am the one who most deserves power in a given situation, then I want that power, and it will frustrate me if someone less deserving has it. Conversely, if I have power over a situation that I don't think I'm best qualified to handle, I'm either going to want to give that power to the most deserving person, or I'm going to constantly be asking the most deserving people for advice, so that I can become more deserving of my power.

In other words: I'm not into having power for the sake of having power, being in control for the sake of being in control, or avoiding being controlled out of the principle of the thing. When I resist being controlled, it's because I think being controlled is unfair and/or unjustified in the given situation. When I'm "controlling", it's because I've carefully surveyed the situation and deduced that I'm the best fit for the job.

 

[gromit]

It's weird. Like, I generally don't like people to tell me what to do or how to do it, I like to make my own choices. But I don't like to be in control of an entire situation with multiple people. That is typically more work and responsibility than I am interested in.

In terms of relationships... it is sad but true, in our world, money is power, and I do not want to give a man in a relationship that kind of power over me. This is why having my own money and income is tremendously important to me. I have seen too many women relinquish their control in this way, some manage fine in that kind of situation, but some do not, and I do not want that to be me.

 

[SilkRoad]

I'm not consciously aware of being interested in controlling or having power over others, though I wonder if it might be there and manifesting itself in some way I'm not aware of.

I think I'm quite willing to give someone a certain degree of power/control over me if I feel it is rightfully theirs and they wouldn't abuse it. I know for a fact that if benevolently exercised it can even make me feel safe. However, people who seem to need power and control to sooth their own insecurities, especially in relationships, frankly make me screamingly mad and blazingly contemptuous.

At this point I don't think there are many things I dislike more than the abuse of power. It's definitely the source of a lot of different kinds of evil.

I might have more thoughts on this later - if anyone else wants to weigh in please do

 

[Pseudo]

I don't like to be controlled but I also don't really like being in control. For instance in group projects I prefer when duties are doled out and we all can individually towards as shared goal. I don't want to hovered over and I don't want to have to hover. I like feeling like I can do my own thing and trust others to complete their tasks. I will take controll if things appear to be functioning poorly. But generally it means I'll totally takeover and do all the work myself.

In relationship I don't really likE being in control of the social schedule. I much prefer to let someone else do all the planning. But that's as far as it goes. I have a very hard time accepting the idea that their is a dominant and submissive partner whereas I know others who feel that that is unavoidible and natural. I think partners should two individuals in agreement.

I think I have this attitude because I'm very introverted. It doesn't bother me much what goes on outside as long as it doesn't intrude on my inner world ( on a micro scale not in regards to world events but just my day To day surroundings). I prefer someone else dEal with the burden of leadership so I have free reign to run. I like to be useful but on my own terms.

 

[Pseudo]

I also hate emotional control the most. I have a friend whose husband is very sensitive and get offended easily. At first it was " poor Peter he has so many feelings" now reccently I'm having hard time not getting angry with him. To my mind her shouldn't be allowed to have his feelings hurt by things that are true. He'll say some very idealistic arty things and then when I or our ESTP friend tease him a bit he has a tantrum and say everyone hates him and thing hes stupid. And then he just broods and makes it so no one can have fun. He is controlling the situation by being upset by what is true and makes look like bad guys. Hurt feelings trumping facts and it makes me very angry.

For instance he said something about people not showering regularly up until fourty
Y years ago. Me and the ESTP make some jokes about the medieval seventies not to be mean but because it was funny. He got all upset and bitched to his wife that everyone just looks for him to slip up and doesn't listen. If I were to say " look you were wrong quit crying" I look like an asshole. So we all has to appease him so he'll quit sulking. It's an emotional dictatorship by constantly playing the victim. And because my best friend is his wife and the ESTP his brother in law I feel like i can't expect much support. Can't say anything. No control. I think more than control I like feelin like I have a certain unchanged status within a group or with my partner. As long as I still have sway and freedom I don't mind what the other party does so much. But when I can't freely give input then I feel "controlled".

Not being able to point out flaws in the system hurts me. I wan to quit my job. Ecause all the corporate rules designed to make thing " look" good and keep down costs actually prevent me from doing my job. That's when the rebel comes out. I feel like so kind of bounty hunter. I'll get what you want but you dont get to tell me how to do it. Give me rye objective then get out of my way.

 

[SilkRoad]

I also hate emotional control the most. I have a friend whose husband is very sensitive and get offended easily. At first it was " poor Peter he has so many feelings" now reccently I'm having hard time not getting angry with him. To my mind her shouldn't be allowed to have his feelings hurt by things that are true. He'll say some very idealistic arty things and then when I or our ESTP friend tease him a bit he has a tantrum and say everyone hates him and thing hes stupid. And then he just broods and makes it so no one can have fun. He is controlling the situation by being upset by what is true and makes look like bad guys. Hurt feelings trumping facts and it makes me very angry.

I hear you on this. Constant guilt-tripping, and raising your own feelings above those of everyone else, is a form of controlling which is particularly hard to fight against and particularly insidious. It's almost like you just have to ignore it... It's hard though depending on the nature of your relationship with the other person.

 

[ceecee]

I'm just curious about how different people/types feel about issues of power and control and how they play out in your lives.

Are you particularly resistant to the idea of being controlled by others? Do you know why you feel this way? How do you think this plays out with your type (or other types, that you've observed) generally?

What kind of role do you think power and control play in your interpersonal relationships - family, friendships, romantic, work?

Do you think you're a controlling person? Why or why not?

Any or all thoughts on the subject welcome

I'm particularly resistant to the idea of being controlled by others, yes, but I have become a little more comfortable with allotting control to others in certain situations and with certain people. I've always been this way and I'm sure type plays a role (INTJ, and very likely an enneagram 8). In personal relationships I have found it's mostly a welcome trait (because shit gets done and done efficiently). I'm not a controlling, domineering person but if a person starts impacting my environment, we'll have a problem.

 

[Fluffywolf]

I am pretty good at delegating, but it's not something I enjoy doing. Generally prefer if things go to plan without me needing to control the situation, and I always seek methods or create systems where my workers do not require me to be delegating by giving them whatever they need to do so themselves. With good people it works well enough, but sometimes I still have to intervene.

I myself am pretty impossible to be controlled. If someone wants me to do something and I am of opinion I don't need to do it (I'd need a good reason though), I won't do it. I may suggest alternative options that I believe are better and I'm not the kind of person to throw my head against something without good reason. If what is asked of me is something that I'd ask from myself I have no issues with such commands. Although i do prefer those things to be 'asked' instead of 'ordered'.

 

[RaptorWizard]

Control and power are the ultimate virtues, the means by which creation can be transformed into alternate shapes, shifted into being by the strength of our will.

Those walk the way of moderation and are too weak to follow this almighty path will fail, dragged down by their own weakness.

There can be no compromise as the strong are meant to rule and the weak are meant to serve.

 

[Lark]

I'm just curious about how different people/types feel about issues of power and control and how they play out in your lives.

Are you particularly resistant to the idea of being controlled by others? Do you know why you feel this way? How do you think this plays out with your type (or other types, that you've observed) generally?

What kind of role do you think power and control play in your interpersonal relationships - family, friendships, romantic, work?

Do you think you're a controlling person? Why or why not?

Any or all thoughts on the subject welcome

I'm not a controlling person at all, I think I was in my teens and in my teens and early twenties I wanted or would have supported more control authorities in the world, like a sort of powerful authoritarianism but I dont believe it would be a good idea or even possible to be honest anymore.

About control, generally I believe that people who fail to or cant control themselves invite others, such as the authorities, to control them. Self-control is the beginning of individual sovereignty and self-government, which are necessary to any sort meaningful exercise of freedom.

The most controlling personalities are sado-masochistic in a social, as opposed to sexualised, sense they crave a higher power or authority to submit to as much as they crave a lesser or inferior "other" to oppress. The "kiss up, piss down" personality. These sorts of individuals are more dangerous when invested with power than the predations of the "everyday" sadists or psychopaths. Hitler was just a ordinary guy, when that sort of controlling personality was more commonplace, invested with extraordinary power.

I dont get into battles for control, although I'm very aware of them, probably hyper aware and I and resistant or aware of others becoming controlling because I generally see it as their exhibition of problems in their character or an exercise in projection or things like that. Often unchallenged it just gets worse, the demands, pitch and needs for control of others and compliance steadily increase.

I'm very aware of controlling and passive aggressive behaviour in my work sphere, although in others too but mainly in my work sphere, its where I encounter that thing the most.

 

[miss fortune]

I like control in situations... it makes me feel comfortable and happy... if I'm in control I can delegate tasks to people who are GOOD at them as opposed to dealing with incompetent people doing tasks, which really irks me

if I can't be the person in control, the person who is should leave me to do my own thing as long as I am competent at it, which I will be once I get some practice... as hypocritical as it sounds, despite my occasional micromanaging tendencies, I HATE having someone looking over my shoulder and commenting on everything I'm doing

At least I'm more likely to be hard on myself than I am on others

also, I'm a total information whore... I must know EVERYTHING about the situation or I feel somewhat lost

 

[Mole]

they crave a higher power or authority to submit to as much as they crave a lesser or inferior "other" to oppress. The "kiss up, piss down" personality.

We want power and control so we will know what is coming next, we want power and control so we will know what is happening.

On the other hand, we give up power and control when we want to discover, we give up power and control when we want to discover something new.

For instance, there are a number of people reading and responding to this post and I cannot control their interpretation or how they will respond. So it is sensible of me to discover what their interpretation is and discover how they will respond.

And as our sensorium is being rearranged by the electronic media, it is sensible for me to discover my proprioceptive sense, my tactile sense, and all my other senses that have been repressed by the privilege given to the visual sense by literacy.

And as it is only sensible to discover rather than control, we look back to the medieval mystic, Anonymous, and his manual of discovery called, "The Cloud of Unknowing".

For we need to unknow to discover.