When Feeling is violated, what does it look like? Fi vs. Fe

[greenfairy]

Disclaimer: Ok, I did a search and didn't find a similar thread. If there is one, feel free to let me know.

So we all know that feeling types can get very emotional when their feeling function feels threatened or their values are violated. When this happens, what does it look like in Fi users versus Fe users? When they are under stress, feeling victimized, judging others, feeling protective, getting an attitude, telling someone off, going postal etc., how are the functions distinguished and how does it vary by type?

 

[Esoteric Wench]

This is an interesting topic.

I'd say that if I'm hurt by others I use my Fi to look at the situation. I have to think about it a bit and weigh all the values involved, but once I come to a conclusion.... shazaam. I can be ruthless in then displaying my moral judgment in front of others others... social norms be damned.

The things that stand out to me in what I just said is that

#1) I don't usually make snap decisions. There is a period of weighing the options and culling out extraneous things before I reach a judgment.
#2) Once my judgment is reached I am very firm in it. I don't care what the social consequences are. Right is right.

I'd love to see if any other Fi users identify with what I wrote... and how Fe users differ. I'm guessing that an Fe user would reach an Fe judgment much quicker than I would reach an Fi judgment. I'd also expect that an Fe user would not place being right in such a superior position to potential social fallout. In other words, what would seem right to an Fe-user would by definition take into account social consequences.

 

[Qlip]

^^^ Yup, when Fi is violated, Te comes out and makes it right.

 

[jcloudz]

wish i can contribute but im usually the one doing the unwittingly doing the violating

 

[Esoteric Wench]

^^^ Yup, when Fi is violated, Te comes out and makes it right.

That's well said. So true.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

I'm not always clear on delineating between Fi and Fe, but I will say that irl when someone hurts me I get really confused in the moment and withdraw or maintain the status quo of the moment until I can understand what happened. I then analyze any situation that confused me until I can come up with plausible explanations. If someone else has been violated, I will be more likely to go on the attack towards the perpetrator because as the natural observer, it is clearer to me what happened.

I will also tend to mirror communication style, so I am much more aggressive towards aggressive people when a conflict must ensue. I feel like I can attack with Te if needed in certain situations - although it tends to be towards people claiming objectivity but being the equivalent of a hypocrite about it. Maybe it is because I hesitate to make the claim of objectivity because I see how difficult it is to achieve, and have a certain respect for it.

 

[skylights]

I'd say that if I'm hurt by others I use my Fi to look at the situation. I have to think about it a bit and weigh all the values involved, but once I come to a conclusion.... shazaam. I can be ruthless in then displaying my moral judgment in front of others others... social norms be damned.

Yes, me too.

I am quick to call people out and truth-say in front of anyone. I generally do not feel like people who are blatantly violating ethics deserve the benefit of having their violations soothed behind closed doors. My goal is typically to get the plain truth out for all to hear, because once it is out in the open, situations tend to right themselves. I typically have no personal desire to be judge nor executioner - just loud-mouthed press.

 

[ms.behaving]

Go ahead, take your best shot at me and let's see what happens when you violate Fe. Don't be shy. I'll give you a running start.

 

[Eugene Watson VIII]

?

And yeah the FiTe thing is good. I've known INFJs that run down on everything you've done wrong (Fe-Ti), which feels more like being told off than FiTe.

 

[greenfairy]

Go ahead, take your best shot at me and let's see what happens when you violate Fe. Don't be shy. I'll give you a running start.

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! Oh wait, that would offend Fi...uh, your friend is ugly!

 

[21%]

I think the main difference is that Fe will have this need to make you understand what you did wrong and change your behavior. To me, Fi seems to seek to express itself without so much focus on getting you to change.

Fe: I am mad at you because you did X and Y and Z and these are bad things.
Fi: I am mad at you because you did X and Y and Z and these are bad things.

 

[mmhmm]

for me it's usually: i just simply can't understand your perspective because i can't get over myself.

 

[Betty Blue]

Yah, i generally non confrontational and will take time to think things through, i may even come to the wrong conclusions at first but i'm pretty good at getting to the root of any issues quickly even if i veer off the path several times in the process.

I will look at how i feel about something and then look at the why, and then battle that, i suppose with Te.

In moments where i feel my values are threatened and i am cornered all bets are off and you can see me quickly change from 'sweet and understanding' to 'dodge the flying plate'...this is rare though.

 

[greenfairy]

I think the main difference is that Fe will have this need to make you understand what you did wrong and change your behavior. To me, Fi seems to seek to express itself without so much focus on getting you to change.

Fe: I am mad at you because you did X and Y and Z and these are bad things.
Fi: I am mad at you because you did X and Y and Z and these are bad things.

I can see how this would make sense.

 

[UniqueMixture]

I think Fi/IF types seem more to think feeling violations are personal violations whereas Fe/EF types see feeling violations as violations of relationship. I think Te/ET types tend to see feelings violations as violations of honor. I think Ti/IT types tend to see feeling violations as violations of justice.

 

[EJCC]

I think the main difference is that Fe will have this need to make you understand what you did wrong and change your behavior. To me, Fi seems to seek to express itself without so much focus on getting you to change.

Fe: I am mad at you because you did X and Y and Z and these are bad things.
Fi: I am mad at you because you did X and Y and Z and these are bad things.

There's a lot of truth in this. From all the Fe people in my life (including most of my family), there tends to be a huge focus on the wrongdoer and exactly what the wrong was. A lot of bitching about the wrong, after it was done. A lot of frustration aimed at the wrong. Sometimes a bit of a martyr complex-- but always defining "martyr" based on the actions that brought you to martyrdom.

Whereas from my experience -- don't know about other Fi users, because Fi-users are generally pretty private about this topic -- there's a lot more soul-searching and focusing on the feeling itself. Obviously yes, I'm focused on the wrong that was done, but I'm also very used to being detached from the feelings behind events and just looking at the events, so the Te part of my brain is still looking down from afar and saying "This exact event could have happened a different way, and you wouldn't have been freaking out. So why are you freaking out?" And then I try to find the source of the feeling, and deal with it. Like [MENTION=10714]Qlip[/MENTION] said, Te wants to make it right, to keep wallowing to a minimum.

This is why, when I've really been wronged, and I'm really hurt, I won't want to talk about it right away. I haven't sorted through all the feelings yet, so I can't start talking about it like Fe-users can, as if they're already certain about how to feel, who to attribute blame to, and why. I'll need to find a quiet place where I can sit and think, first, and form some conclusions, and then I'll be ready to talk.

Edit:

I will look at how i feel about something and then look at the why, and then battle that, i suppose with Te.

^ Exactly!

 

[greenfairy]

I think Fi/IF types seem more to think feeling violations are personal violations whereas Fe/EF types see feeling violations as violations of relationship. I think Te/ET types tend to see feelings violations as violations of honor. I think Ti/IT types tend to see feeling violations as violations of justice.

I think there's truth in this.

Interesting. I identify with Fe much more, but also with EJCC's post. I could talk about my feelings, it would just be rambling I wouldn't want to burden others with. And it takes me awhile to completely figure them out. So Fe probably. But I do a lot of Te stuff, almost obsessively (or is that Fe?). What would the Ti response be then? I can see in/justice as the feeling response from Ti-Fe, but how would they go about solving problems? I think an Fi dom/aux would focus on making the feelings right along with taking steps to solve the problem; Te-Fi would put priority the other way around, Fe-Ti would focus on wrongdoing and analyzing the wrongdoer, but I don't really know how Ti fits in otherwise. Maybe Ti doesn't solve people problems. haha Or they just try to find out what is logical in a situation? But that would depend on circumstances, Fe stuff, and then they would have to find out how to transfer this idealized logical response to the real world.

A bit off topic maybe, but it's the natural progression.

 

[Lady_X]

i think fe like te is more apt to summarize and make blanket statements...like you are a bitch...where fi...like ti is more precise...meaning we would be more inclined to say you are being a bitch.

we will attack the behavior instead of the whole of a person.

but yes te comes in to tell you all about it....after we've gotten clear about it in private...and it comes out very matter of fact informative style...we're not appealing to your emotions...we're not trying to persuade you to feel one way or another

but we intend to inform you on the "wrongs" as we see them.

that felt jumbled...sorry if it didn't make sense.

 

[Lady_X]

Yah, i generally non confrontational and will take time to think things through, i may even come to the wrong conclusions at first but i'm pretty good at getting to the root of any issues quickly even if i veer off the path several times in the process.

I will look at how i feel about something and then look at the why, and then battle that, i suppose with Te.

In moments where i feel my values are threatened and i am cornered all bets are off and you can see me quickly change from 'sweet and understanding' to 'dodge the flying plate'...this is rare though.

yeah raw fi is a bitch...my saying i can't talk to you right now really is the best thing for both of us..

 

[greenfairy]

i think fe like te is more apt to summarize and make blanket statements...like you are a bitch...where fi...like ti is more precise...meaning we would be more inclined to say you are being a bitch.

we will attack the behavior instead of the whole of a person.

but yes te comes in to tell you all about it....after we've gotten clear about it in private...and it comes out very matter of fact informative style...we're not appealing to your emotions...we're not trying to persuade you to feel one way or another

but we intend to inform you on the "wrongs" as we see them.

that felt jumbled...sorry if it didn't make sense.

No, that makes sense. I don't easily see the Fi/Ti perspective yet, though. Like Je wants to generalize and see the big picture of the problem, and Ji wants to focus on the details and being thorough? Breadth versus depth?