Over time, I too use the trick of withdrawing while distracting the other as I make up my mind. My kneejerk reaction has become to first see the other persons pov if at all possible, then feel my own visceral reaction, and go back and forth between the two, dissecting where each is coming from and why. Once I determine intent and motivation on both sides, I'll seek for commonalities to bond over, and finally turn to the differences, looking for an alternative where both parties feel like they can win. I often will explain where I'm coming from to the other person, after I've shown them that I do understand their pov, so that we can enrich each others perspectives on the world as well as on who is in front of us, thus hopefully creating more understanding and insight into the other person for the future and avoiding conflicts through that understanding. After that, I either present what I think will be a win-win situation for both of us, or, if I am still working on that, I'll invite them to join me in that effort, gathering more information about who they are along the way to find a satisfying solution.