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  1. #1
    Wake, See, Sing, Dance Cellmold's Avatar
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    Default How to talk to people?

    Ok so within this theory and within my hobby groups im fine at holding a conversation.

    But anywhere else and I just dont know what it is im supposed to say? All social interactions feel forced and everything I say appears false and full of disinterest.

    I do try to push out anyway because I thought that the only way to learn was to do, by experience and information. However it seems I always come up flat. Does anyone here have any tips?

    At the very least on how I might....genuinely garner interest so I can push my way through boring conversations about generalities and day to day inanities?

    Im asking in this section because I thought there might be SOME MBTI related tips, but maybe not. I do know that at college I could never get along with the majority of the people there and they made no attempt to get along with me. I wondered if this was because of an S/N division I hear so much about?
    'One of (Lucas) Cranach's masterpieces, discussed by (Joseph) Koerner, is in it's self-referentiality the perfect expression of left-hemisphere emptiness and a precursor of post-modernism. There is no longer anything to point to beyond, nothing Other, so it points pointlessly to itself.' - Iain McGilChrist

    Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
    "Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
    Piglet was comforted by this.
    - A.A. Milne.

  2. #2
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    Ask good questions.

  3. #3
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    Ask good questions.
    qood questions?
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  4. #4
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    qood questions?
    Yeah takes the pressure off of you having to think of something to say, you eventually will hear/learn something interesting, everybody has a story to tell. That is what I have found at least.

  5. #5
    Senior Member acronach's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    Ask good questions.
    if you're at an e5 level if introversion it becomes a game of "can i notice enough about this person to come up with a good question before i have to say something"
    Enneagram: Type 5, Dual Wing, SX/SP Instinct, Tritype 5-3w2-9w8
    MBTI: INTP

    Like a Baws

    Introverted (I) 57.14% Extroverted (E) 42.86%
    Intuitive (N) 63.16% Sensing (S) 36.84%
    Thinking (T) 70.37% Feeling (F) 29.63%
    Perceiving (P) 56.61% Judging (J) 43.39%

  6. #6
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    Yeah takes the pressure off of you having to think of something to say, you eventually will hear/learn something interesting, everybody has a story to tell. That is what I have found at least.
    ok, but what are they?
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  7. #7
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AffirmitiveAnxiety View Post
    Ok so within this theory and within my hobby groups im fine at holding a conversation.

    But anywhere else and I just dont know what it is im supposed to say? All social interactions feel forced and everything I say appears false and full of disinterest.

    I do try to push out anyway because I thought that the only way to learn was to do, by experience and information. However it seems I always come up flat. Does anyone here have any tips?

    At the very least on how I might....genuinely garner interest so I can push my way through boring conversations about generalities and day to day inanities?
    Why do you want to do this? IME, it is more bother than it is worth.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  8. #8
    Senior Member wildcat's Avatar
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    Your are not your thing. You are a thing of the other. The other is your thing.

  9. #9

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    The advice that seems to work well for me is a three-fold approach.
    1) Try to understand the other person. Not just the content of what (s)he is saying but also the tone, etc. Clarify by asking questions about content, and "reflecting" the perceived tone or emotion. To me, the minimum for "reflection" is a simple acknowledgement of how you believe the other person feels...as in "You seem ____." Or if the tone is really clear, "That's cool." or "That sucks" may be appropriate. At the most intense, the "reflection", can get to the point where you feel like you are directly feeling the emotions of the other person.
    2) Try to add content to the conversation yourself. Think about examples in your own experience that are related to what the other person says. Relate relevant stories.
    3) If the conversation is very goofy or silly, try to be goofy or silly yourself.

    Although this approach works much better for conversations that the other person initiates, careful observation and reflection can work to initiate a conversation too.

    My problem with most of these things is not so much the "how" but the "why".

    Sometimes, I am severely not in the mood to talk, and yet find myself in a situation that requires conversation. This is awkward and make both myself and others feeling either weird or bad. I wish I could just tell them that I am in an observing/reflecting mode, and that there are few words being processed at the moment. Usually, the lack of desire to converse has little to do with the person I may need to converse with. I wish I knew why I want to talk sometimes and sometimes I don't.

    Accept the past. Live for the present. Look forward to the future.
    Robot Fusion
    "As our island of knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance." John Wheeler
    "[A] scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy." Richard Feynman
    "[P]etabytes of [] data is not the same thing as understanding emergent mechanisms and structures." Jim Crutchfield

  10. #10
    Senior Member Nicodemus's Avatar
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    Slower than you usually do.

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