DAMN IT! I WANT TO HEAR FE USERS TALK ABOUT THEIR FE!

[cascadeco]

Okay so basically fi and ti are more similar and fe te are more alike. Im sure I realized this at some point but really it's like ti and fi are personal and fe and te aren't. You don't feel attached to them. It's just collective data. So then would you say an infj would feel more attached to their ti ?

So... are you talking about Fe/Te/Fi/Ti as cognitive functions, or are you talking about feelings/emotions?

I guess as far as feelings/emotions goes, it's probably fair to say I view them as data, and more impersonal. BUT, I want to stress that I don't think this means at all that I don't FEEL the same things an Fi-user might... I might be in just as much emotional pain/distress, or feel the same highs of the joys an Fi-user might feel.. I just may not act on them in the same way, or view their significance in the same way. Maybe that's where more of the *cognitive* function piece comes in; but, I'm also not sure that emotions/feelings (the raw feelings being felt) should be tied in with cog functions.

 

[Fidelia]

I should also say that I don't usually make assumptions about other people's feelings or motivations EXCEPT in the absence of anything to work with. I can't stand not having some sort of working information (or at least hypothesis) as to why they act as they do. I realize that I am often wrong in my assumptions, particularly with Fi users and there's almost nothing I could do that would annoy them more. However, they sometimes don't give me much to work with.

I also usually am oriented to acting in some way if I am trying to comfort someone or improve a situation, which is also not always helpful to Fi users. If Fi users find my attempts at help intrusive (eg not wanting any interaction when they are upset or sick), the best thing they can do to get those Fe attempts stopped is to explain what a help the person is by giving them some space (then they feel they are doing something helpful!) or think up something innocuous that is a better alternative to what the person is trying to do. Fe users aren't trying to be pushy or annoying, but are attempting to connect in a way that they'd appreciate themselves.

Similarly, when those actions aren't present in Fi users, it can be misinterpreted as apathy or not caring about the Fe person. That may seem manipulative or prescriptive, but it can cause some really serious rifts in the relationship without the Fi user realizing what a big impact it is having.

One difference I've noticed between Fe and Fi is that with Fe, actions are generally not considered as neutral. Inaction is a form of action. Intentions, while they should be factored in, are less important than the end result. With Fi, it seems to me that Fi users would consider more of their behaviour as neutral and that intentions are given considerable weight.

 

[Ginkgo]

Fe people seem to tend to want me to emotionally connect and sometimes I feel that if I connect it will only come off as patronizing. If I decide to entertain them out of a desire to maintain the relationship long-term and a desire to discuss possibilities, I sometimes come back to the scene of the crime to apologize for what I felt was incongruency. I've learned that I'm not truly incongruent; I'm just complex, and by acknowledging those complexities, I connect with Fe people sincerely, selflessly, and tactfully. I feel that many of the clashes between Fe people and Fi people are due to a difference in vision that results in Fi being an immovable object and Fe being an unstoppable force. If Fi people extravert in an authentic way and if Fe people introvert in an authentic way then a lot of the discrepancies don't happen; even in the case that they do, the situation isn't uncomfortable. For instance, Elfboy found a point of contention with his parents after a sneaky tryst. If he developed some communication skills to convey his feelings about the tryst both honestly and respectfully, then perhaps the process would have not only been smoother, but more enjoyable for everyone involved, including his interest of intimacy who was apparently swept under the carpet like an object of shame. And yes [MENTION=5684]Elfboy[/MENTION], I am hijacking stories of your personal life for my own agenda. You left the keys in the car.

 

[Thursday]

How Se tries things out and experiences things viscerally, physically, we put on the other person's shoes and hat and sleep in their bed to feel how they feel. "Walking a mile in another man's shoes" is an Fe concept. Another power of Fe is connecting and disconnecting. Finding common ground to relate in some way if possible. Even if I feel a certain way about someone, I relate however I may, so as long as the atmosphere and relations remain cordial. When there are negative emotions in the air, I trace it to the person or persons and do what I can to disarm and ease the tension so that the emotional climate of goes from 90* and humid to a amiable 75* with a slight breeze. Its the "we mentality"

 

[Lady_X]

How Se tries things out and experiences things viscerally, physically, we put on the other person's shoes and hat and sleep in their bed to feel how they feel. "Walking a mile in another man's shoes" is an Fe concept. Another power of Fe is connecting and disconnecting. Finding common ground to relate in some way if possible. Even if I feel a certain way about someone, I relate however I may, so as long as the atmosphere and relations remain cordial. When there are negative emotions in the air, I trace it to the person or persons and do what I can to disarm and ease the tension so that the emotional climate of goes from 90* and humid to a amiable 75* with a slight breeze. Its the "we mentality"

i do this too...or...it feels as tho i do...but from where i'm sitting it does not seem like fe users do this...or...it seems that they put themselves into it and feel how they would feel....not how i would feel. and it's highly likely they would say the same in reverse.

 

[Lady_X]

So... are you talking about Fe/Te/Fi/Ti as cognitive functions, or are you talking about feelings/emotions?

I guess as far as feelings/emotions goes, it's probably fair to say I view them as data, and more impersonal. BUT, I want to stress that I don't think this means at all that I don't FEEL the same things an Fi-user might... I might be in just as much emotional pain/distress, or feel the same highs of the joys an Fi-user might feel.. I just may not act on them in the same way, or view their significance in the same way. Maybe that's where more of the *cognitive* function piece comes in; but, I'm also not sure that emotions/feelings (the raw feelings being felt) should be tied in with cog functions.

i am talking about both i guess. how do fe users process emotions...it seems as tho...it's more of a ti fi thing. or maybe that's the only way i can understand it. because te and fe just aren't personal...so...how could they be the important functions to discuss when talking about processing emotions?? i keep going in and out of being clear on this...

 

[Elfboy]

[MENTION=8031]Ginkgo[/MENTION]
- it was not "sneaky". it was just none of their business
- I did not "sweep anyone under the table"
- I was plenty respectful, I just told them straight "none of your business means none of your business. that means don't bring it up again"
I do not appreciate your patronizing assumptions. they are unwarranted and i did not provide you with enough information to make that kind of judgement. also, the next time you want to insult someone, be more direct and frank as opposed to trying to make it look like an impersonal point solely made to be relevant to the discussion.

 

[Ginkgo]

[MENTION=8031]Ginkgo[/MENTION]
- it was not "sneaky". it was just none of their business
- I did not "sweep anyone under the table"
- I was plenty respectful, I just told them straight "none of your business means none of your business. that means don't bring it up again"
I do not appreciate your patronizing assumptions. they are unwarranted and i did not provide you with enough information to make that kind of judgement. also, the next time you want to insult someone, be more direct and frank as opposed to trying to make it look like an impersonal point solely made to be relevant to the discussion.

I don't want to insult anyone, Elfboy, nor did I insult anyone. However, if your parents have the right to be frank, and you tell them not to, that's not very respectful of their rights. I will express myself however I deem fit. Thank you.

 

[Redbone]

I'm not really sure. For me, I experience deep and intense emotions. I think of it as an internal ocean--ever changing, shifting, surging, stormy or sometimes just flat. I think of myself as a wandering albatross flying over it. It is the eternal journey, one of restlessness and mostly solitary. I cannot explain this world to other people. Only take snapshots. But just like real-life family photos, they are usually not of interest to other people. So, I don't usually speak of it.

 

[Lady_X]

^^ totally relate to that too.

 

[CzeCze]

For instance, Elfboy found a point of contention with his parents after a sneaky tryst. If he developed some communication skills to convey his feelings about the tryst both honestly and respectfully, then perhaps the process would have not only been smoother, but more enjoyable for everyone involved, including his interest of intimacy who was apparently swept under the carpet like an object of shame. And yes [MENTION=5684]Elfboy[/MENTION], I am hijacking stories of your personal life for my own agenda. You left the keys in the car.

[MENTION=8031]Ginkgo[/MENTION]
- it was not "sneaky". it was just none of their business
- I did not "sweep anyone under the table"
- I was plenty respectful, I just told them straight "none of your business means none of your business. that means don't bring it up again"
I do not appreciate your patronizing assumptions. they are unwarranted and i did not provide you with enough information to make that kind of judgement. also, the next time you want to insult someone, be more direct and frank as opposed to trying to make it look like an impersonal point solely made to be relevant to the discussion.

I don't want to insult anyone, Elfboy, nor did I insult anyone. However, if your parents have the right to be frank, and you tell them not to, that's not very respectful of their rights. I will express myself however I deem fit. Thank you.

For educational purposes - that above exchange is SATURATED with Fi. Can you feel it??

 

[Poki]

For educational purposes - that above exchange is SATURATED with Fi. Can you feel it??

No

 

[prplchknz]

*pokes fe users with a stick* hmmmm......hmmmm...huh.....hmmm.uh-huh.....hmmmm

 

[Poki]

*pokes fe users with a stick* hmmmm......hmmmm...huh.....hmmm.uh-huh.....hmmmm

why do INFPs like to poke us with sticks

 

[prplchknz]

why do INFPs like to poke us with sticks

do you fnd it sexay? bebe

 

[Poki]

do you fnd it sexay? bebe

be careful I poke back

 

[cascadeco]

i am talking about both i guess. how do fe users process emotions...it seems as tho...it's more of a ti fi thing. or maybe that's the only way i can understand it. because te and fe just aren't personal...so...how could they be the important functions to discuss when talking about processing emotions?? i keep going in and out of being clear on this...

Hmm.. I really don't know, and I'm also the wrong person to talk to about this because I have some issues with the theory.

As for processing emotions, I've found over the years that for me it's best for me to let them be...they are what they are, and often-times the only way I can truly process them and be at peace with things is not to resist them, but to accept them, almost as 'facts', not push them away, and just ride them through completion. For example Sadness/mourning... embrace that, no matter how hard and sucky it is to deal with it/face it/be filled with those emotions. Letting them 'be', for me, means they lose their power over me and I process them more easily. Fighting them, for me, usually leads to anxiety/judgment, which means that the whole process is lengthened. I think part of it for me has been learning that the negative emotions are a part of life, and sometimes I just have to be immersed in them because they are what they are. It's ok to be depressed or whatever. I used to be much more consumed with the cyclical nature of emotions, too, in that I always knew that sometime down the road I'd once again have to face really negative experiences/feelings. At one time that knowledge caused me so much anxiety and tiredness that I could hardly stand knowing that my life was going to be a continual series of ups and downs. But once I realized that the downs are never a permanent down, the cycle element lost its power/force, and I was ok knowing that there would be future pain/challenge/emotional downs, because having gotten through previous downs back into the up, I knew that no future down would be permanent and there was always joy and loveliness in store for me in the future too. And with all of this, I was able to better ride everything out, because I have a solid belief that this too shall pass. With this too, the downs aren't as down as they once were - they just are. They'll never not suck, but they don't impact me as heavily as they once did. Or, it's different. I don't know. Of course there's also a bittersweet element, knowing that the highs can never be maintained either, and sometimes the flat stagnation can be just as bad as the negative, in some ways, but... yeah.

That was long. lol. And I'll resist editing it/cleaning it up.

 

[MacGuffin]

For educational purposes - that above exchange is SATURATED with Fi. Can you feel it??

I almost puked.

 

[Poki]

Hmm.. I really don't know, and I'm also the wrong person to talk to about this because I have some issues with the theory.

As for processing emotions, I've found over the years that for me it's best for me to let them be...they are what they are, and often-times the only way I can truly process them and be at peace with things is not to resist them, but to accept them, almost as 'facts', not push them away, and just ride them through completion. For example Sadness/mourning... embrace that, no matter how hard and sucky it is to deal with it/face it/be filled with those emotions. Letting them 'be', for me, means they lose their power over me and I process them more easily. Fighting them, for me, usually leads to anxiety/judgment, which means that the whole process is lengthened. I think part of it for me has been learning that the negative emotions are a part of life, and sometimes I just have to be immersed in them because they are what they are. It's ok to be depressed or whatever. I used to be much more consumed with the cyclical nature of emotions, too, in that I always knew that sometime down the road I'd once again have to face really negative experiences/feelings. At one time that knowledge caused me so much anxiety and tiredness that I could hardly stand knowing that my life was going to be a continual series of ups and downs. But once I realized that the downs are never a permanent down, the cycle element lost its power/force, and I was ok knowing that there would be future pain/challenge/emotional downs, because having gotten through previous downs back into the up, I knew that no future down would be permanent and there was always joy and loveliness in store for me in the future too. And with all of this, I was able to better ride everything out, because I have a solid belief that this too shall pass. Of course there's also a bittersweet element, knowing that the highs can never be maintained either, and sometimes the flat stagnation can be just as bad as the negative, in some ways, but... yeah.

That was long. lol. And I'll resist editing it/cleaning it up.

I dont fight them, I just keep going on with life and let them just run in the background. Sometimes they get really bad and push there way to the foreground, but not very often.

 

[Lady_X]

Hmm.. I really don't know, and I'm also the wrong person to talk to about this because I have some issues with the theory.

As for processing emotions, I've found over the years that for me it's best for me to let them be...they are what they are, and often-times the only way I can truly process them and be at peace with things is not to resist them, but to accept them, almost as 'facts', not push them away, and just ride them through completion. For example Sadness/mourning... embrace that, no matter how hard and sucky it is to deal with it/face it/be filled with those emotions. Letting them 'be', for me, means they lose their power over me and I process them more easily. Fighting them, for me, usually leads to anxiety/judgment, which means that the whole process is lengthened. I think part of it for me has been learning that the negative emotions are a part of life, and sometimes I just have to be immersed in them because they are what they are. It's ok to be depressed or whatever. I used to be much more consumed with the cyclical nature of emotions, too, in that I always knew that sometime down the road I'd once again have to face really negative experiences/feelings. At one time that knowledge caused me so much anxiety and tiredness that I could hardly stand knowing that my life was going to be a continual series of ups and downs. But once I realized that the downs are never a permanent down, the cycle element lost its power/force, and I was ok knowing that there would be future pain/challenge/emotional downs, because having gotten through previous downs back into the up, I knew that no future down would be permanent and there was always joy and loveliness in store for me in the future too. And with all of this, I was able to better ride everything out, because I have a solid belief that this too shall pass. With this too, the downs aren't as down as they once were - they just are. They'll never not suck, but they don't impact me as heavily as they once did. Or, it's different. I don't know. Of course there's also a bittersweet element, knowing that the highs can never be maintained either, and sometimes the flat stagnation can be just as bad as the negative, in some ways, but... yeah.

That was long. lol. And I'll resist editing it/cleaning it up.

yeah i feel the same...and this does just read...human. like...it's not in any way about any functions.

so...what the hell does it mean?? that emotions are very much separate from values? are they? are they for me? i can't tell now...