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DAMN IT! I WANT TO HEAR FE USERS TALK ABOUT THEIR FE!

Fidelia

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I see my feelings as only an indicator that something needs to be done. In and of themselves, they are not that useful to me, because I realize they may shift with new information or time or my mood etc. When I talk to other people about my feelings, it is mostly to do a quick check that I'm not missing some kind of information that is really important or that I'm not way off base (kind of like quickly checking yourself in the mirror before you go out somewhere) and also so that I can discharge the excess emotion that is keeping me from finding some kind of usable solution. That is why having a person who will listen and ask clarifying questions without either getting overly emotional themselves or offering advice is invaluable to me. I have too many details swimming around in my head and am unsure of which ones deserve the most weight. By talking about it to someone else, I need to decide what matters enough to verbalize and that in turn helps define and clarify the problem for me.

When I talk to someone and they either want to help me through the experience themselves or they get bogged down in what their response should be or they want to just be prescriptive without invitation or hearing the details, it creates more emotional noise for me to have to deal with before I can start getting to the problem and feeling better.

I never realized this particular Fe/Fi difference about processing until coming here. It's helped me to understand that it is important then to show appreciation for Fi users when they are willing to listen patiently and also to be more specific about how they can help me without me reacting negatively.
 

Fidelia

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I always assume if I avoid any specific remarks about people and keep it general that it won't be seen as judgment or an attack, but that doesn't always go well. That happen to you?

Yeah. I don't think I am person specific very often. Usually I'm looking for patterns that would help explain the situation and help me guess what I might expect next. It surprises me then when that is taken as something it wasn't intended as at all.
 

Wolfie

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I think I use Fe. My feelings are very reflective, and dependent on others. I mirror other people's emotional states and moods both unconsciously and consciously to connect better. If I feel upset about something, just having another person there to talk to makes me feel better, and the process of talking makes me feel validated, and makes some of the emotion go away. Also I'm really paranoid about what other people think/feel about me (but it's getting a lot better). I'm very conscious about behaving appropriately (with regard to interpersonal and social relationships), though I don't always know how to do it.

Emotions seem a lot more valid and meaningful to me if they are collective. My emotions are directly related to my relationship with the world, i.e. how well I am connected to it- if I am loved and accepted (and loving and accepting myself). Of course this true for everyone, but I think acceptance is more important for Fe users. (Although that being said, I mostly only get emotional about how well I measure up to standards- thus not being "acceptable" in my opinion.) Where I think I use Fe a lot is with music. Music expresses my emotions far better than I ever could, and it purges things out of me I didn't know were there. I use it to connect to a collective emotion. I love music that a lot of people can identify with, and I then I feel like I have a group to belong to. Usually I just like passionate or aggressive music, but it all has subtle nuances of attitude. I don't really like sad music; I listen to music to balance whatever mood I am in and bring me back to harmony.

It's my impression that Fi is more personal. I don't really know.

Relate almost 100%. Interesting as I am hearing more about Fe, I am thinking that I am probably a Fe user. Descriptions I have read for INFJ haven't really sounded like me, but I will do some more digging. Thanks! Would love to hear more stuff from Fe users!
 

Lady_X

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I totally identify with how you feel and I think that is a common Fe interpretation when they throw something out there and the other person doesn't express an interest. Also when a person starts telling you about their stories and experiences just as you are telling them about one of your problems, it feels rude and self-centred, or at the least disinterested.

While it certainly depends on the situation (and can just be immaturity or having not enough emotional margin to factor in the other person's feelings), I realize that I also tend to be less proactive than I should. I don't naturally put myself out there, yet have some silent expectations for what an equal exchange would look like. I don't assume that the other person would want to hear what I'm saying and so over-rely on cues that they are engaged and interested.

I have realized from my time on here, that Fi users often find question asking (which is my way of showing interest) as intrusive and prying, so they are careful not to do it and assume that if you have something to tell them, you will. So, in part I think it's about gaining more confidence yourself, and then also realizing that a significant amount of the population just works differently than I do and I need to make some adjustments.

It's been interesting to discover, as Fe/Fi discussions have ensued here to realize that precisely the same action or statement would be perceived entirely differently, depending on Fe or Fi use. Some of the statements Fi users have suggested seem officious, overly emotionally intrusive or just plain unnatural to me, while my way can seem extremely prescriptive, oversimplified and nosy to them.

To be fair, most of these discussions have been ENFP/INFP/occasionally INTJ dialogue with INFJ/ENFJ/some INTPs. I think the specific flavour of Fe or Fi is greatly influenced by its interactions with other functions. For example, I don't identify at all with the descriptions of SFJ Fe that people talk about. The other functions being used in conjunction with it give it a specific taste that is different than NFJ Fe or NTP Fe or STP Fe (where the latter two group's Fe is further down the list besides!).

Omg such a good point!! It's the n we totally fill in too many blanks and assume too much! That's why it's so difficult!
 

MacGuffin

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I don't even think of Fe as "feelings" or "emotions" per se. They might be related to Fe, but I see Fe as more of a group values system. Emotion doesn't really come from others, that's more internal and can often be misleading or unknown... aka suspect.

Fi (to me) seems far more connected to feelings and emotions, but I don't know how accurate that is. I remember one INFP talking about "feeling tones" and it was such an alien concept I still don't understand it.
 

Fidelia

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I think Fe has more to do with my perceptions and the resulting actions than it does with my feelings. It's not so much that I even care that much about Group Values, as I do in making sure that the outcome of the group interaction works for as many people as possible while still retaining realness. To me that sometimes means doing things that you aren't inclined to doing as long as it is not dangerous or immoral. I do find myself annoyed when people draw attention to themselves and their own wishes/moods/likes/dislikes because it seems immature to me. I may be missing information to put that into a better context, but my initial reaction is that it's self-centred.
 

MacGuffin

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I think Fe has more to do with my perceptions and the resulting actions than it does with my feelings. It's not so much that I even care that much about Group Values, as I do in making sure that the outcome of the group interaction works for as many people as possible while still retaining realness. To me that sometimes means doing things that you aren't inclined to doing as long as it is not dangerous or immoral. I do find myself annoyed when people draw attention to themselves and their own wishes/moods/likes/dislikes because it seems immature to me. I may be missing information to put that into a better context, but my initial reaction is that it's self-centred.

I'll stop posting so you can just write my posts for me! :thumbup:
 

Wolfie

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I think Fe has more to do with my perceptions and the resulting actions than it does with my feelings. It's not so much that I even care that much about Group Values, as I do in making sure that the outcome of the group interaction works for as many people as possible while still retaining realness. To me that sometimes means doing things that you aren't inclined to doing as long as it is not dangerous or immoral. I do find myself annoyed when people draw attention to themselves and their own wishes/moods/likes/dislikes because it seems immature to me. I may be missing information to put that into a better context, but my initial reaction is that it's self-centred.

Yep.


Could you elaborate on :

To me that sometimes means doing things that you aren't inclined to doing

Please?
 

cascadeco

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i'm totally curious!! because of the other same exact thread for fi...we're trying to talk about how we feeeeel and then...well i'm just not sure if that's just being human or is it fi. i mean how do your fe feelings feel? haha omg that sounds stupid...i mean people feel the same right? it's just our processing of it is different..shit i don't know...I DON'T KNOW I SAY!! you help...please...could you...help me out here...i dun get eet. :/

To try to answer your question directly....

I feel confusion, sadness, anxiety, irritation, self-consciousness, happiness, joy, suspicion, worry, lonely, alone, understood, misunderstood, despairing, hopeful, boredom, panic, helpless, content, at peace, dissatisfied, empowered, weary, exhilarated, embarrassed, regretful, curious, bitter, pleased, proud, hurt, disappointment, all depending on context, what's going on, where I'm at in life, the particular relationship I'm in, who I'm interacting with, whether I'm alone, whether I'm happy with my life and my relationships, whether I'm dissatisfied at the state of my life or the world around me.

I do not express many of these things, and many of the ebbs and flows in my overall mental state, because many of them do shift, and because in the end I really only give big credence to the lasting ones, which tell me something's up and I really need to figure out what's going on. A lot of the fleeting things...eh... I pay attention to them/notice them, but I'm more concerned with what I'll call my 'baseline' emotional state - overall, am I happy/satisfied/etc? Or overall am I the opposite? Etc.

These days, when the time is ripe/ I know how I feel (baseline emotions), I express it to those who are in my life, even if I may not be the most eloquent at it; I convey what's going on inside me to the best of my ability. As for fleeting feelings, I'm apt to express the fleeting positive ones without thought: When I'm really happy about something that exclamation will come out, without inhibition. Expressions of happiness/excitement come easily to me; expressions of the more negative emotions do not, as I either want to work through those on my own or I want to make sure it's a feeling that goes beyond the moment and is lasting, before I talk about it to those who may be involved/impacted.

And probably similar to most people, I have more trouble articulating the more complex things.
 
G

Glycerine

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please and thank you. :)

At least with a good chunk of Fe doms I have known, we have a tendency of sounding adamant and absolute about things but in the scheme of things, we can actually be pretty flexible about people and some things.. Fe dom pronouncements aren't typically as black and white as they seem (at least with me, I have this really bad tendency of saying tidbits in the moment without fully explaining myself...foot in mouth disease). Sometimes, I do regret what I say because it comes out faster than the actual rational for it. Of course, they are still plenty of Fe dom lunatics.

Example: Me: You shouldn't start drinking before age 21 or 25 (not that I truly cared what people do but I was thinking about the research about how people are much more likely to become addicted to alcohol if they start doing it regularly before full brain development... I started to drink at 15 so yeah). Boy, that made me sound like an ass... oops.

EDIT: On feelings, I think you are right about us having the same feelings. I guess they are strong but there seems to be a somewhat systematic detachment for what is practical unless there is a moral crusade that the individual is going on (that's when EXFJs get batshit scary/crazy). Trust me, I have known some psycho EXFJs...they scare the shit out of me.
 

Elfboy

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I totally identify with how you feel and I think that is a common Fe interpretation when they throw something out there and the other person doesn't express an interest. Also when a person starts telling you about their stories and experiences just as you are telling them about one of your problems, it feels rude and self-centred, or at the least disinterested.
guilty as charged, in fact, the rest of my post contains a few personal anecdotes. for ENFPs, I think talking about ourselves is a sign that we are paying attention rather than a sign that we aren't, though I've tried to curb this tendency as I realize it's ridiculous to assume that most people operate this way or have any idea why I do it (one thing that helps is keeping the personal references brief and using them to support my main point rather than going on and on about them)

While it certainly depends on the situation (and can just be immaturity or having not enough emotional margin to factor in the other person's feelings), I realize that I also tend to be less proactive than I should. I don't naturally put myself out there, yet have some silent expectations for what an equal exchange would look like. I don't assume that the other person would want to hear what I'm saying and so over-rely on cues that they are engaged and interested.
^this is very INFJ

I have realized from my time on here, that Fi users often find question asking (which is my way of showing interest) as intrusive and prying, so they are careful not to do it and assume that if you have something to tell them, you will. So, in part I think it's about gaining more confidence yourself, and then also realizing that a significant amount of the population just works differently than I do and I need to make some adjustments.
can't speak for all Fi users, but I usually like questions. the problem is when I politely explain that I'd rather not talk about something and people persist. just recently I left for 24 hours and stayed at a hotel. when I got back, my parents asked me where I'd been and I told them "none of your business" (I went to see a cute guy, no shit I wasn't going to tell them LOL). they persistently asked me 10 more times so I pulled them into the living room and dished out a long, aggressive, ESTJ style lecture about how when I say it's none of your business, that means you do NOT ask me again and I do NOT repeat myself (it kinda seemed like an episode of the Dr. Phil show to be honest LOL). maybe it's just the Fe users I've met, but I feel like I have to spell out things like "no means no" and "yes, I meant 100% of what I said" because they seem to believe when I say something with conviction that it is relative and that at another time I would say something else

It's been interesting to discover, as Fe/Fi discussions have ensued here to realize that precisely the same action or statement would be perceived entirely differently, depending on Fe or Fi use. Some of the statements Fi users have suggested seem officious, overly emotionally intrusive or just plain unnatural to me, while my way can seem extremely prescriptive, oversimplified and nosy to them.
yes
 

The Great One

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Damn, [MENTION=5418]Lady X[/MENTION], you're gonna copy my thread idea and not even send me an invite? Not cool man. Anyway, yeah my emotions are pretty damn basic: happy, sad, angry, etc. I feel fear and excitement more than any other emotions.
 

Lady_X

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Okay so basically fi and ti are more similar and fe te are more alike. Im sure I realized this at some point but really it's like ti and fi are personal and fe and te aren't. You don't feel attached to them. It's just collective data. So then would you say an infj would feel more attached to their ti ?
 

Lady_X

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Damn, [MENTION=5418]Lady X[/MENTION], you're gonna copy my thread idea and not even send me an invite? Not cool man. Anyway, yeah my emotions are pretty damn basic: happy, sad, angry, etc. I feel fear and excitement more than any other emotions.

Hahaha!! I'm sorry I forget about that feature!!
 

The Great One

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Hahaha!! I'm sorry I forget about that feature!!

It's all good. I've noticed that you never use the invite function. I'm glad that you created the thread though, it's a good one.
 

Winds of Thor

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Yes. Specifics please as some others have requested...otherwise it's prolly gonna be Fe Fi Fo Fum :)
 

The Great One

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I can feel others emotions pretty damn well. I can read someone very well, and know if they are happy, sad, glad, etc. I can instinctively hone in on what they want and what they need. In addition, I can sense the energy of a room: I can literally know exactly how everyone in a given room feels about me at any given time, and how they feel about each other. I can use this to my advantage to get what I want as well. I can easily manipulate people with this if I want.
 
G

Glycerine

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I can feel others emotions pretty damn well. I can read someone very well, and know if they are happy, sad, glad, etc. I can instinctively hone in on what they want and what they need. In addition, I can sense the energy of a room: I can literally know exactly how everyone in a given room feels about me at any given time, and how they feel about each other. I can use this to my advantage to get what I want as well. I can easily manipulate people with this if I want.
I am like that too... it's the effing aura, I tell ya, it's the effing aura. I can tell when something is off or forced but I try not assume I know what it is because that's when shit starts to happen to me.
 

Fidelia

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Okay so basically fi and ti are more similar and fe te are more alike. Im sure I realized this at some point but really it's like ti and fi are personal and fe and te aren't. You don't feel attached to them. It's just collective data. So then would you say an infj would feel more attached to their ti ?

Yes indeed! (For me at least). I'm probably most conscious of Ti and Fe, although I think that Ni sort of bleeds through everything, so much so that I'm not really even aware of it.
 
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