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  1. #21
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I see my feelings as only an indicator that something needs to be done. In and of themselves, they are not that useful to me, because I realize they may shift with new information or time or my mood etc. When I talk to other people about my feelings, it is mostly to do a quick check that I'm not missing some kind of information that is really important or that I'm not way off base (kind of like quickly checking yourself in the mirror before you go out somewhere) and also so that I can discharge the excess emotion that is keeping me from finding some kind of usable solution. That is why having a person who will listen and ask clarifying questions without either getting overly emotional themselves or offering advice is invaluable to me. I have too many details swimming around in my head and am unsure of which ones deserve the most weight. By talking about it to someone else, I need to decide what matters enough to verbalize and that in turn helps define and clarify the problem for me.

    When I talk to someone and they either want to help me through the experience themselves or they get bogged down in what their response should be or they want to just be prescriptive without invitation or hearing the details, it creates more emotional noise for me to have to deal with before I can start getting to the problem and feeling better.

    I never realized this particular Fe/Fi difference about processing until coming here. It's helped me to understand that it is important then to show appreciation for Fi users when they are willing to listen patiently and also to be more specific about how they can help me without me reacting negatively.

  2. #22
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MacGuffin View Post
    I always assume if I avoid any specific remarks about people and keep it general that it won't be seen as judgment or an attack, but that doesn't always go well. That happen to you?
    Yeah. I don't think I am person specific very often. Usually I'm looking for patterns that would help explain the situation and help me guess what I might expect next. It surprises me then when that is taken as something it wasn't intended as at all.

  3. #23
    Senior Member Wolfie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by greenfairy View Post
    I think I use Fe. My feelings are very reflective, and dependent on others. I mirror other people's emotional states and moods both unconsciously and consciously to connect better. If I feel upset about something, just having another person there to talk to makes me feel better, and the process of talking makes me feel validated, and makes some of the emotion go away. Also I'm really paranoid about what other people think/feel about me (but it's getting a lot better). I'm very conscious about behaving appropriately (with regard to interpersonal and social relationships), though I don't always know how to do it.

    Emotions seem a lot more valid and meaningful to me if they are collective. My emotions are directly related to my relationship with the world, i.e. how well I am connected to it- if I am loved and accepted (and loving and accepting myself). Of course this true for everyone, but I think acceptance is more important for Fe users. (Although that being said, I mostly only get emotional about how well I measure up to standards- thus not being "acceptable" in my opinion.) Where I think I use Fe a lot is with music. Music expresses my emotions far better than I ever could, and it purges things out of me I didn't know were there. I use it to connect to a collective emotion. I love music that a lot of people can identify with, and I then I feel like I have a group to belong to. Usually I just like passionate or aggressive music, but it all has subtle nuances of attitude. I don't really like sad music; I listen to music to balance whatever mood I am in and bring me back to harmony.

    It's my impression that Fi is more personal. I don't really know.
    Relate almost 100%. Interesting as I am hearing more about Fe, I am thinking that I am probably a Fe user. Descriptions I have read for INFJ haven't really sounded like me, but I will do some more digging. Thanks! Would love to hear more stuff from Fe users!
    ( . )( . )

  4. #24
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I totally identify with how you feel and I think that is a common Fe interpretation when they throw something out there and the other person doesn't express an interest. Also when a person starts telling you about their stories and experiences just as you are telling them about one of your problems, it feels rude and self-centred, or at the least disinterested.

    While it certainly depends on the situation (and can just be immaturity or having not enough emotional margin to factor in the other person's feelings), I realize that I also tend to be less proactive than I should. I don't naturally put myself out there, yet have some silent expectations for what an equal exchange would look like. I don't assume that the other person would want to hear what I'm saying and so over-rely on cues that they are engaged and interested.

    I have realized from my time on here, that Fi users often find question asking (which is my way of showing interest) as intrusive and prying, so they are careful not to do it and assume that if you have something to tell them, you will. So, in part I think it's about gaining more confidence yourself, and then also realizing that a significant amount of the population just works differently than I do and I need to make some adjustments.

    It's been interesting to discover, as Fe/Fi discussions have ensued here to realize that precisely the same action or statement would be perceived entirely differently, depending on Fe or Fi use. Some of the statements Fi users have suggested seem officious, overly emotionally intrusive or just plain unnatural to me, while my way can seem extremely prescriptive, oversimplified and nosy to them.

    To be fair, most of these discussions have been ENFP/INFP/occasionally INTJ dialogue with INFJ/ENFJ/some INTPs. I think the specific flavour of Fe or Fi is greatly influenced by its interactions with other functions. For example, I don't identify at all with the descriptions of SFJ Fe that people talk about. The other functions being used in conjunction with it give it a specific taste that is different than NFJ Fe or NTP Fe or STP Fe (where the latter two group's Fe is further down the list besides!).
    Omg such a good point!! It's the n we totally fill in too many blanks and assume too much! That's why it's so difficult!
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
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  5. #25
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    I don't even think of Fe as "feelings" or "emotions" per se. They might be related to Fe, but I see Fe as more of a group values system. Emotion doesn't really come from others, that's more internal and can often be misleading or unknown... aka suspect.

    Fi (to me) seems far more connected to feelings and emotions, but I don't know how accurate that is. I remember one INFP talking about "feeling tones" and it was such an alien concept I still don't understand it.

  6. #26
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I think Fe has more to do with my perceptions and the resulting actions than it does with my feelings. It's not so much that I even care that much about Group Values, as I do in making sure that the outcome of the group interaction works for as many people as possible while still retaining realness. To me that sometimes means doing things that you aren't inclined to doing as long as it is not dangerous or immoral. I do find myself annoyed when people draw attention to themselves and their own wishes/moods/likes/dislikes because it seems immature to me. I may be missing information to put that into a better context, but my initial reaction is that it's self-centred.

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I think Fe has more to do with my perceptions and the resulting actions than it does with my feelings. It's not so much that I even care that much about Group Values, as I do in making sure that the outcome of the group interaction works for as many people as possible while still retaining realness. To me that sometimes means doing things that you aren't inclined to doing as long as it is not dangerous or immoral. I do find myself annoyed when people draw attention to themselves and their own wishes/moods/likes/dislikes because it seems immature to me. I may be missing information to put that into a better context, but my initial reaction is that it's self-centred.
    I'll stop posting so you can just write my posts for me!

  8. #28
    Senior Member Wolfie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I think Fe has more to do with my perceptions and the resulting actions than it does with my feelings. It's not so much that I even care that much about Group Values, as I do in making sure that the outcome of the group interaction works for as many people as possible while still retaining realness. To me that sometimes means doing things that you aren't inclined to doing as long as it is not dangerous or immoral. I do find myself annoyed when people draw attention to themselves and their own wishes/moods/likes/dislikes because it seems immature to me. I may be missing information to put that into a better context, but my initial reaction is that it's self-centred.
    Yep.


    Could you elaborate on :

    To me that sometimes means doing things that you aren't inclined to doing
    Please?
    ( . )( . )

  9. #29
    Senior Member Wolfie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MacGuffin View Post
    I'll stop posting so you can just write my posts for me!
    My thoughts exactly!!!
    ( . )( . )

  10. #30
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    i'm totally curious!! because of the other same exact thread for fi...we're trying to talk about how we feeeeel and then...well i'm just not sure if that's just being human or is it fi. i mean how do your fe feelings feel? haha omg that sounds stupid...i mean people feel the same right? it's just our processing of it is different..shit i don't know...I DON'T KNOW I SAY!! you help...please...could you...help me out here...i dun get eet. :/
    To try to answer your question directly....

    I feel confusion, sadness, anxiety, irritation, self-consciousness, happiness, joy, suspicion, worry, lonely, alone, understood, misunderstood, despairing, hopeful, boredom, panic, helpless, content, at peace, dissatisfied, empowered, weary, exhilarated, embarrassed, regretful, curious, bitter, pleased, proud, hurt, disappointment, all depending on context, what's going on, where I'm at in life, the particular relationship I'm in, who I'm interacting with, whether I'm alone, whether I'm happy with my life and my relationships, whether I'm dissatisfied at the state of my life or the world around me.

    I do not express many of these things, and many of the ebbs and flows in my overall mental state, because many of them do shift, and because in the end I really only give big credence to the lasting ones, which tell me something's up and I really need to figure out what's going on. A lot of the fleeting things...eh... I pay attention to them/notice them, but I'm more concerned with what I'll call my 'baseline' emotional state - overall, am I happy/satisfied/etc? Or overall am I the opposite? Etc.

    These days, when the time is ripe/ I know how I feel (baseline emotions), I express it to those who are in my life, even if I may not be the most eloquent at it; I convey what's going on inside me to the best of my ability. As for fleeting feelings, I'm apt to express the fleeting positive ones without thought: When I'm really happy about something that exclamation will come out, without inhibition. Expressions of happiness/excitement come easily to me; expressions of the more negative emotions do not, as I either want to work through those on my own or I want to make sure it's a feeling that goes beyond the moment and is lasting, before I talk about it to those who may be involved/impacted.

    And probably similar to most people, I have more trouble articulating the more complex things.
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