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  1. #211
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Wow, you're doing this by phone? I suck at typing anything longer than a sentence or so on there!
    i'm not at the moment..haha you can tell rather or not things are capitalized! haha
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  2. #212
    Senior Member Wolfie's Avatar
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    Ack! I'm so confused!! After reading this thread, I feel I relate so much to Fe, but I was never considering INFJ as my type because I am overwhelmingly P.

    ???
    ( . )( . )

  3. #213
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    okay...last thing the all or nothing thing...yes...sort of

    like...honestly i care deeply about issues...things in the world that break my heart...so much so that i can't stop to feel it one on one or i just won't make it.
    it's a sort of emotional protection...if i let too many really in...i'll really just be a wreck.
    the extent to which i already care about people is ridiculous...people that likely have no idea..
    and to say it..or show it...seems weird. i mean i often feel like it's too much and will freak people out.

    it is like we have to keep turning the damn thing off lest we drown ya to death...or flood the streets or whatever.
    it's hard to find the balance. it's hard to express it.
    it's almost as if it's my burden...not yours...i'll keep it in here so you don't have to be influenced by it.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  4. #214
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    oh yeah i don't know what was up with your niece. that's weird. completely lacking in social grace.

    my infp boyfriend can be totally grumpy in the morning. it makes me mad actually...not because he's doing anything to me but just because it's annoying..i mean...gimme a break.
    The weird thing is that she's very much an appreciative person usually and she's not a sulky person by nature. She falls into kind of silent modes for awhile at a time though. I would like to be better at addressing stuff like that before I feel upset, but it's hard to know when things will tip or when I'm being too hasty, you know?

    I suppose I've attributed it to Fi because I've found with my dad as well as INFP boyfriend, they both felt quite comfortable not responding even if they heard what I said about something. When I said something to INFP boyfriend at the time about it, he said, "If someone is just telling me a story or giving me information, it doesn't really seem to require a response. I'm listening, I just don't really have anything to say." Similarly, my Mum or I may tell my dad about something that happened that day (and neither of us yatter much, so it's not like he has to filter out of self-defense - I know women that are exhausting to be around because it's inane chatter that requires regular responses), but he just sort of listens, without making the usual verbal or non-verbal cues that indicate he is listening, nor does he comment much after.

    I probably am too likely to attribute some things to upbringing/immaturity etc, so thought maybe it's just that I don't understand the way a whole segment of the population interact.

  5. #215
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    okay...last thing the all or nothing thing...yes...sort of

    like...honestly i care deeply about issues...things in the world that break my heart...so much so that i can't stop to feel it one on one or i just won't make it.
    it's a sort of emotional protection...if i let too many really in...i'll really just be a wreck.
    the extent to which i already care about people is ridiculous...people that likely have no idea..
    and to say it..or show it...seems weird. i mean i often feel like it's too much and will freak people out.

    it is like we have to keep turning the damn thing off lest we drown ya to death...or flood the streets or whatever.
    it's hard to find the balance. it's hard to express it.
    it's almost as if it's my burden...not yours...i'll keep it in here so you don't have to be influenced by it.
    Is it involuntary who you care about, or is it a conscious choice? I've read NFPs here saying that they are a bit that way about affection too and are worried about freaking someone out by expressing all that they would like to.

    How do you decide who to care about? How close do they have to be before those deep feelings come into play?

  6. #216
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    just some people get in there and impact me more deeply than they'll ever know. it depends on how much i understand and empathize with who they are...i think.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  7. #217
    Senior Member Wolfie's Avatar
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    Nevermind, I see it's practically impossible for me to be a Fe user.
    ( . )( . )

  8. #218
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wolfie View Post
    Nevermind, I see it's practically impossible for me to be a Fe user.
    why do you say that?
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  9. #219
    Senior Member Wolfie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    why do you say that?
    Seems to me that I'd have to be ENFJ or INFJ but neither suits me! Maybe I have to do more research.
    ( . )( . )

  10. #220
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    Great posts @21% and @fidelia ! I only use baby Fe, but what you describe here resonates with me.

    @Lady X , yes, when I have a grumpy person sitting at my breakfast table, I will feel a need/responsibility to at leats try and lighten their mood, even if I hardly know them. That I have nothing to do with their bad mood is completely irrelevant, bad feelings in others make me uncomfortable and I can't feel good while somebody else feels bad. That is a very simple rule/mechanism and it is probably because of this simplicity that I like the expression "baby Fe". It is very simple, raw, almost childlike in its simplicity and innocence.

    To me (and I have seen this in other INTPs as well) there is a constant dilemma I am facing: On the one hand I am not really a people person. There are individuals I like, some even a whole lot, and I view mankind as a whole with benevolence, but I rarely spend much time thinking about or interacting with people if I don't have to. Interpersonal interaction can be very rewarding, but it is a drain if it lasts longer than a few hours.

    Interpersonal conflict (when values, feelings or emotions are at play) are hell on earth. It's like having to use an untrained muscle while (and this is where the "on the other hand" part starts) really not wanting to screw things up. If I try to resolve a conflict it is just as much for my own benefit (wanting to be left alone again and not be stressed out by so much emo drama + wanting to fulfill my own and other people's expectations towards me and my social behavior) as it is for the benefit of the person or persons involved (while I do not wish everybody well, i do not seriously wish anymore ill; I might get angry at people but I gain no pleasure out of other people's pain; while I would not mourn a mass murderer's death, I would not even wish a tooth ache upon him, let alone something like the death penalty).

    So other people's bad feelings are great stress and they should be helped for everybody's benefit.

    And then there is that aspect where it has been drilled into my head as a kid how important it is to be nice to people, to not be cocky, to not take yourself too seriously, etc. As a Ti/Ne user and somebody with an underdeveloped sense of self I focus on the big picture and in a trolley car situation I would (at least intelectually spekaing, there are no guarantees for instinctual reactions) save two strangers rather than myself because objectively speaking that would be the best result for mankind/the universe as a whole. I usually try not to be partial and not favor myself more than other people when I make decisions. I'm not saying that this always works not that it is a good idea, just that this is one of my objectives and ground rules/values I strive for).

    Add to all of this your typical INTP obliviousness and you get somebody who knows there are social rules, knows other people have feelings and are affected by what you do, wants to do the right thing but is oblivious to these rules, overlooks things (remember, rudimentary, crude baby Fe?!) and gets stressed by all that fear of failing in the interpersonal/social arena.

    Aggressive, abrassive people stress me out to no end because I have been taught ever since I was little that this is very bad behavior and I feel pulled out of my comfort zone and cornered. How to react? This behavior does not fit into my image of the cosmos. I can feel the adrenaline level rise, it's a fight or flight moment. I have not been trained and have not learned to pay back in kind, so I usually try to deescalate or duck and cover. If I do let myself get drawn into drama I usually regret it soon afterwards because I consider it undignified and childish. This is why I strongly prefer for everybody to just play nice and leave each other alone.

    Leave me be, for crying out loud!!! *sobs*

    Now, when there are objective issues to be discussed, I have no problem with a non-sugarcoated exchange of positions. Just don't make it personal.


    That's how I perceive my baby Fe. Your mileage may vary.
    The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge. Neither love without knowledge, nor knowledge without love can produce a good life. - Bertrand Russell
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