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  1. #181
    Senior Member captain curmudgeon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SuchIrony View Post
    I try to hide being highly sensitive and emotional, except for with people close to me and on a forum like this. When my sensitive and emotional side does show up, it can be rather immature or at least childlike.
    This.

    *is not an Fe user*

    *realizes he has no reason to post here*

    *exits quickly*
    Jarlaxle: fact checking this thread makes me want to go all INFP on my wrists

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  2. #182
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wheelchairdoug View Post
    This.

    *is not an Fe user*

    *realizes he has no reason to post here*

    *exits quickly*
    Come back. Don't be a pussy.

    This is Fe btw.

  3. #183
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    so fe users do you feel emotionally attached to your values?

    do you get that pain sensation when someone upsets a fe value?
    The one thing I can think of that I'm absolutely tied to is my deep concern and love/value for nature/the environment. I can honestly say that I wouldn't even be able to be close to anyone who didn't value it. Someone who felt opposite or who actively scorned it, I would internally view in a negative light. It's just so core/defining in who I am and one of the main things I care about in this world, that I wouldn't even want to interact with people who viewed it oppositely...because it's a significant part of who I am.

    I don't think this has anything to do with 'Fe values', though. I think even non-Fi-ers have core aspects of self that they stand behind.
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  4. #184
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    okay...see that's what i was trying to figure out. thank you!
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  5. #185
    Senior Member captain curmudgeon's Avatar
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    Usually, I find any attempts at Fe very awkward or forced. I find everything Fe, from (and especially) interacting with people that are visibly upset (crying, at a funeral, extremely stressed, etc), to asking people unsolicited questions about their emotional state incredibly awkward.

    That said, once I have the go ahead, I actually like sitting down and talking to people about what's on their mind if they're in a state where they can still remain calm and provide some of their own insight/ input.
    Jarlaxle: fact checking this thread makes me want to go all INFP on my wrists

    "I'm in competition with myself and I'm losing."
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    ReadingRainbows: OMG GUYS
    ReadingRainbows: GUESS WHAT EXISTS FOR ME
    hel: fairies?
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  6. #186
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wheelchairdoug View Post
    Usually, I find any attempts at Fe very awkward or forced. I find everything Fe, from (and especially) interacting with people that are visibly upset (crying, at a funeral, extremely stressed, etc), to asking people unsolicited questions about their emotional state incredibly awkward.

    That said, once I have the go ahead, I actually like sitting down and talking to people about what's on their mind if they're in a state where they can still remain calm and provide some of their own insight/ input.
    I've never even been to a funeral. I can't pull that one off.

  7. #187
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wheelchairdoug View Post
    Usually, I find any attempts at Fe very awkward or forced. I find everything Fe, from (and especially) interacting with people that are visibly upset (crying, at a funeral, extremely stressed, etc), to asking people unsolicited questions about their emotional state incredibly awkward.

    That said, once I have the go ahead, I actually like sitting down and talking to people about what's on their mind if they're in a state where they can still remain calm and provide some of their own insight/ input.
    I think the reason (and someone touched on it before) why many Fe users don't feel all that awkward around someone who is visibly upset (well, within certain limits) is because they don't feel they are being asked to manufacture emotion that they don't feel. They can identify with the feeling of being upset, even if they can't identify with the actually cause of the upset the person is experiencing, so it doesn't feel unauthentic to try to comfort them a little by doing what they'd want done for them (listening, agreement, sympathy).

    To me, Fi comforting feels intrusive because they actually want to experience what I'm going through along with me. This just makes me feel like not only am I not doing so good, but now I have to pay attention to someone else's emotional state as well as mine before I can get on with how to react to the situation. It feels kind of like asking about some casual event and finding yourself signed up for it before you know it. Or maybe like the other person is assuming you are feeling something that you don't actually feel.

    For me, someone asking "unsolicited" questions about my emotional state seems considerate - like they are gathering enough information to know what kind of response would be most helpful to me at that moment. They are not assuming they know how I feel. They are expressing an interest in accurately understanding what is going on (and hence understanding my perhaps uncharacteristic response in context) and telling me that I won't be burdening or boring them by talking about it. It also feels like being thrown something to hang on to - talking about what is going on clarifies the situation for me and helps me to feel that it is more manageable so I can pull myself together.

    It was a surprise to me when I realized that some Fi users feel quite the opposite way and feel either intruded upon or put on the spot. It felt rejecting to me when a close friend who was a Fi user did not pick up on hints that I wanted to talk, or even outright changed the subject, particularly since I do not get all emotional and vulnerable very often. If I do around people that are not in my very inner circle, it is because things are indeed desperate. It felt a bit like it was all about the other person and how they were feeling seeing me in discomfort, instead of them thinking about what I needed right then.

  8. #188
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    The one thing I can think of that I'm absolutely tied to is my deep concern and love/value for nature/the environment. I can honestly say that I wouldn't even be able to be close to anyone who didn't value it. Someone who felt opposite or who actively scorned it, I would internally view in a negative light. It's just so core/defining in who I am and one of the main things I care about in this world, that I wouldn't even want to interact with people who viewed it oppositely...because it's a significant part of who I am.

    I don't think this has anything to do with 'Fe values', though. I think even non-Fi-ers have core aspects of self that they stand behind.
    I have a few things too that I value so highly it seems that I'd have trouble interacting with people who view it opposite. Maybe it's just being human.

    Come to think of it, I'm not so clear what Fe values really are. How are they different from Fi values? Aren't values the realm of Fi rather than Fe? I guess I interpret Fe values simply as valuing something that's typically associated with the Fe function.
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  9. #189
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I think the reason (and someone touched on it before) why many Fe users don't feel all that awkward around someone who is visibly upset (well, within certain limits) is because they don't feel they are being asked to manufacture emotion that they don't feel. They can identify with the feeling of being upset, even if they can't identify with the actually cause of the upset the person is experiencing, so it doesn't feel unauthentic to try to comfort them a little by doing what they'd want done for them (listening, agreement, sympathy).

    To me, Fi comforting feels intrusive because they actually want to experience what I'm going through along with me. This just makes me feel like not only am I not doing so good, but now I have to pay attention to someone else's emotional state as well as mine before I can get on with how to react to the situation. It feels kind of like asking about some casual event and finding yourself signed up for it before you know it. Or maybe like the other person is assuming you are feeling something that you don't actually feel.

    For me, someone asking "unsolicited" questions about my emotional state seems considerate - like they are gathering enough information to know what kind of response would be most helpful to me at that moment. They are not assuming they know how I feel. They are expressing an interest in understanding what is going on (and hence understanding my perhaps uncharacteristic response in context) and telling me that I won't be burdening or boring them by talking about it. It also feels like being thrown something to hang on to - talking about what is going on clarifies the situation for me and helps me to feel that it is more manageable so I can pull myself together.

    It was a surprise to me when I realized that some Fi users feel quite the opposite way and feel either intruded upon or put on the spot. It felt rejecting to me when a close friend who was a Fi user did not pick up on hints that I wanted to talk, or even outright changed the subject, particularly since I do not get all emotional and vulnerable very often. If I do around people that are not in my very inner circle, it is because things are indeed desperate. It felt a bit like it was all about the other person and how they were feeling seeing me in discomfort, instead of them thinking about what I needed right then.
    This is correct, I think.

    Being a TP, my Fe is rather underdeveloped, but I've been told that in situations that required emotional comforting that I've comported myself quite well and been helpful, even though I felt internally fairly uncomfortable and would rather not have been in the situation at all. My brother, an ExTJ, tells me that he feels equally uncomfortable in such situations, but the difference between us is that, for him, his discomfort takes priority over the other person's needs. He can't even help it...it's an inability to put the exigencies of the situation above the needs of the self. Even the ExFPs that I know tend to be that way, too.

    That's how I view the difference between Fi and Fe. Fi doesn't give a shit about context while Fe is all about context.
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  10. #190
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    I can get along with people fine if they don't share interests.. as long as they share a basic objective, it doesn't matter. I might think their opinion on something important sucks, and they mine, but as long as you share an opinion on getting something done (maybe a workplace relationship or a simple transaction... or maybe they're just some jerk put on your softball team... not that i play softball /shrug). In this sense, I think I'm using Fe too. It's a sense of teamwork. There's different "F" maybe for friends, but I don't have to be close to just interact with someone. I'm sure I might have a threshold, but it'd probably be someone truly fucked up. Someone who'd be a menace to society - which is another Fe valuation maybe. I haven't met any psychopaths though. Not lately at least.

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