User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 43

  1. #1
    Senior Member meshou's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INXP
    Posts
    238

    Default Opposite type parents

    Having talked to people, (especially INTPs) with opposite type parents, it seems not to work well.

    As far as I can tell, introverted kids, and especially introverted feely kids seem to have it the worst with opposite type parents. Although, I do think that NF parents would do better with opposite type kids than other types.

    The two or three INTPs and INFPs I've talked to with an opposite sexed parent with an opposite type really seem lost when it comes to relationships. Basically, being punished for who they are all their childhoods, and in a way the kid'd percieve as extremely harsh, seems to leave some nasty scars.

    The INFPs' usual problems with competence seem to be magnified, and the INTPs' usual difficulty establishing relationships is likewise magnified. It's like the parents constant demands for the child to use their inferior functions demonizes that function in the person's mind.

    On the other hand, while type is genetic, there's no garauntee any kid any of us'd have wouldn't be the opposite type, and wouldn't respond (or be nurtured by) our natural styles of parenting.

    Any thoughts? Agree/ disagree? How would you deal with an opposite-type kid?
    Let's do this thing.

  2. #2
    Senior Member girlnamedbless's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    ESFJ
    Posts
    186

    Default

    My mom is ISFJ, and we are really close. The only thing we disagree about sometimes is she thinks I'm never really at home and wants me to spend more time with the family. Just some normal E vs I tension. :p
    My dad is an ISTP. We don't really get along. I can't remember the last time I had a nice conversation with him. The only letter we share is the S, so we're pretty different. I find it hard to get close to him, and when I try, he usually always say something negative about my accomplishments. A lot of the times I wish I could see things his way, or vice versa.
    I really wish I had at least one parent that was E, a lot of the times they don't understand why I like being out so much.

  3. #3
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    3,698

    Default

    .
    Last edited by JivinJeffJones; 09-12-2007 at 03:57 PM.

  4. #4
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    FREE
    Enneagram
    594 sx/sp
    Socionics
    LII Ne
    Posts
    42,333

    Default

    My one son is an ESFP. Not a total opposite... but enough.

    It was so hard to figure out how to handle him. It's funny -- we do have one thing in common, the P factor -- and that is major connection there. He has Se and I have Ne, and we both have strong artistic skills, so that is the major thing we can connect on.

    Otherwise, it really took a long time for me to come around to him. He frustrated me so much... and if he was a friend or someone else's child, I would have been fine with him, but simply having to "manage" him is the real killer.

    I so much want to do the logical thing in the situation -- the most long-term efficient, most prudent thing -- and he always wants to take the short-term gratification route, no matter how it hurts him in the long run or other people in the process.

    He is also very extroverted and I am so introverted... Some nights, I have had to plug up my ears or leave the room because I just could not handle the constant noise and activity (he's ten and chatters loudly through dinner, over top everyone, no matter how we "train" him, he'll start singing at the table, he'll get up and start dancing around or acting out what he's saying, he just can't STOP... and I cannot handle the stimulation).

    How do I deal? I have had to change and create a space for him in my heart. Become realistic about who he is and respect him.

    One thing I hated: We were so hard on him at first, and he is the only extrovert in our family, and by age 6-7 he was scared of everyone and seemed to be miserable all the time and actually acting SHY all of a sudden, and we realized that we had to make more space for him to be himself or we would ruin him for life. God, that was hard; I didn't want to change, and sometimes felt violated because as the parent I was the one who had to accommodate HIM, but... that is just life.

    What does it mean? I try to "loosely" manage him, not dictate so much. I try to offer him solutions and structure but let him choose to do them, not mandate them. I let him suffer the ramifications of his actions. I try to see the humor in his mistakes, rather than think about how pissed I am he should have known better. I try to accept his constant humor as not a lack of seriousness, but just that he loves life and laughing and will always be a free spirit. I let myself go sometimes and not be so introverted.

    I try to spend quiet times with him and ask him about his art. He loves to draw manga and is quite good at it. I try to value the good parts. I am such a lousy conversationalist sometimes, but he is the easiest of my children to talk to in some ways, he leads the conversation and takes all the pressure off me.... and he is so open about what he's doing and feeling.

    I give myself permission to leave the room after a certain amount of time, if I cannot deal, and meanwhile convey that I just need space, that I am not abandoning him. And he gets that.

    I wish he thought more deeply or caught onto things more quickly... but he is what he is, and he has shown me how much a stick in the mud I've become in so many ways... When did I ever become so serious? He helps me relax and loosen up.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  5. #5
    Senior Member meshou's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INXP
    Posts
    238

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones View Post
    As for having an ESTJ kid, I don't think it'd be too much trouble if it were a boy, since you could pretty much just treat him as a generic male and not go too far wrong. Lots of sports and reasonably strict boundary-reinforcing discipline.
    How would you deal with him thinking you're frivolous or weak? How would you tell if his need to be loud as a kid-- and he's going to be loud-- is normal and healthy for him, or too much for the situation etc? Ugh!
    Let's do this thing.

  6. #6
    Tenured roisterer SolitaryWalker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w6 so/sx
    Posts
    3,467

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by meshou View Post
    Having talked to people, (especially INTPs) with opposite type parents, it seems not to work well.

    As far as I can tell, introverted kids, and especially introverted feely kids seem to have it the worst with opposite type parents. Although, I do think that NF parents would do better with opposite type kids than other types.

    The two or three INTPs and INFPs I've talked to with an opposite sexed parent with an opposite type really seem lost when it comes to relationships. Basically, being punished for who they are all their childhoods, and in a way the kid'd percieve as extremely harsh, seems to leave some nasty scars.

    The INFPs' usual problems with competence seem to be magnified, and the INTPs' usual difficulty establishing relationships is likewise magnified. It's like the parents constant demands for the child to use their inferior functions demonizes that function in the person's mind.

    On the other hand, while type is genetic, there's no garauntee any kid any of us'd have wouldn't be the opposite type, and wouldn't respond (or be nurtured by) our natural styles of parenting.

    Any thoughts? Agree/ disagree? How would you deal with an opposite-type kid?
    Good post.

    Strongly agree with the bolded.
    "Do not argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." -- Mark Twain

    “No man but a blockhead ever wrote, except for money.”---Samuel Johnson

    My blog: www.randommeanderings123.blogspot.com/

  7. #7
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    isfp
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    8,595

    Default

    Martoon's mom is an ESFJ, and they are on profoundly different wavelengths. He can share if he wants to. I'll just mention one thing: he is very abstract and inside his head, she is always busy and practical. I made up this little phrase for him... not lazy, just very busy on the inside.

    My mom has a similar personality to me, I think. She seems like an IXFP. She is wonderful, but we process information extremely differently.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  8. #8
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    3,698

    Default

    .
    Last edited by JivinJeffJones; 09-12-2007 at 03:58 PM.

  9. #9
    Senior Member outmywindow's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    163

    Default

    My mom is an ISXJ, so when she's in F mode, yeah, we're pretty darn opposite. There have been several big blowups in the past which involved me hurting my mom to the emotional core of her being, which is something I always feel really guilty about, but at the same time unable to control. It seems that I am physically incapable of predicting her reaction, and as such don't always know how to avoid causing it.

    That said, I have an ENTP father, and both of my parents have been equally active in the raising/disciplining me department, which means that when I've done something particularly NTP to my mom, my dad is usually able to explain to her that I didn't mean to personally hurt her. This is not an excuse, by any means, just a nice way for her to know that I don't have sinister motives!

    I'm working on things in terms of how to not hurt her feelings, but it's very difficult for me sometimes. Something that I see as completely nonchalant can come across as hugely important in her eyes.
    INTP

  10. #10
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    3,698

    Default

    .
    Last edited by JivinJeffJones; 09-12-2007 at 04:00 PM.

Similar Threads

  1. 9 Q's of your opposite type!
    By UnitOfPopulation in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 63
    Last Post: 07-13-2010, 02:02 AM
  2. Shadow/Opposite Types
    By NewEra in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 06-02-2009, 12:49 AM
  3. Do you revert to your opposite type under stress?
    By DaRick in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 63
    Last Post: 02-03-2008, 04:54 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO