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  1. #31
    Fight For Freedom FFF's Avatar
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    I missed this thread when it was new. I think my mom is an ESFJ and my dad is an INTP like me. Just for a little added analysis, I have two older brothers that are ENTJ (oldest) and INTJ.

    My mom was prone to emotional outbursts, and I think part of the reinforcement for such a behavior was the way it let her control anything she wanted to. Since my dad is INTP, he's high in type 9 and tends to want to avoid conflict. Also, he has the weakest interaction style, behind the scenes, so he generally doesn't want to lead anyway. I still wonder why they got married, and all I can do is guess.

    Anyway, I've always had to stay distant from my mom because of the above mentioned problem. I've heard some kids blame themselves for their parents problems. I always thought there was something wrong with my mom. Other than that, things were okay with my mom when I was a child, but it's hard to rely on someone or disclose something to someone who's prone to becoming irrational and verbally abusive.

    When I became a teenager, I switched from the little Catholic school I had been attending since kindergarten to the largest public school in the state. I also ended up switching from Catholic to atheist with my INTJ brother without letting mom know. My brothers and I also had our secret drug use going on. I didn't have many friends at the time, and I was known for keeping to myself if I couldn't do something with one of my brothers.

    Then we moved about an hour and a half away, and I ended up with no friends nearby and no friends at school either. That's also when we happened to get an internet connection. I spent lots of time by myself and on the computer, and I was really secretive. It just wasn't worth sharing stuff if you're gonna get "that's weird!" from mom, annoying antics and responses from dad, and/or criticism from your brothers.

    Overall, my mom seemed to not understand spending lots of time alone and not wanting to be open with her and talk about problems and stuff. If my problems become her problems and she can't handle problems without going crazy, then I'd rather keep them to myself.

    I was an atheist, and it was okay to hate. So I hated my mom for being the way she was, and I hated dad for letting her control him all the time.

    When college came around, I became a Christian, and one day I decided to go visit a Pentecostal church that I was invited to. When I was leaving and I told mom she was like, "Wait, you can't just change religions." I didn't anticipate that, so I just spouted off some stuff about how Catholicism is dumb then left. I wonder how trying to raise three Catholics boys, and ending up with none of them affected her and her SJ self. Sorry, mom, we're NT's, and we can think for ourselves.

    These days I live with my brothers in another city, and we hardly ever contact our parents unless there's a problem. It's just really weird and uncomfortable talking to them just to talk. Especially, if that would be the purpose for calling.

  2. #32
    Member Hang's Avatar
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    Mom: ENTP
    Dad: ISFJ

    My parents are the complete opposites of each other.
    I am an INFJ.
    Mother doesn't pay attention to me, only in front of others as an act.
    Father never told me he loved me. But I feel that he wants to but just shy. I had a strong bond with Father when I was much younger, but since I'm grown up now he feels that it's a bit pointless to get to know each other now. He's a devoted husband. Even when my Mother puts him down. They don't monitor what I do, that is why I love them.

  3. #33
    To the top of the world arcticangel02's Avatar
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    My brother is an INFP and my dad is an ESTJ. They get along better than one would expect, but then again dad's a pretty healthy, well-rounded ESTJ.

    My brother is not exactly a model child, in my dad's eyes, and frequently frustrates him with not doing his jobs or spending too much time in his room/on the playstation. But they're both interested in sport, which gives them some common ground and I think that's a huge help.
    ANFP:
    Extraversion (52%) ---- Introversion (48%)
    Sensing (26%) ---- iNtuition (74%)
    Thinking (16%) ---- Feeling (84%)
    Judging (5%) ---- Perceiving (95%)

    9w1 so/sx/sp

  4. #34
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    Mom: INTJ
    Dad: INTP

    Long story short, I argue with my dad all the time, and my mom is a control freak.
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hang View Post
    Mom: ENTP
    Dad: ISFJ

    My parents are the complete opposites of each other.
    I am an INFJ.
    Mother doesn't pay attention to me, only in front of others as an act.
    Father never told me he loved me. But I feel that he wants to but just shy. I had a strong bond with Father when I was much younger, but since I'm grown up now he feels that it's a bit pointless to get to know each other now. He's a devoted husband. Even when my Mother puts him down. They don't monitor what I do, that is why I love them.
    This ISFJ doesn't say I love you either but shows it by the thing they do for you,we are shy and find it hard to show affection as our kids get older.

  6. #36
    Senior Member animenagai's Avatar
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    mom's an ISXJ. we're basically opposites. i feel like she has pulled the worse bits out of T/F. she's not afraid to say what's on her mind (in fact she finds it hard not to), but when someone argues with her, she takes it personally. god that gets annoying.

    that SJ is so hard to understand too. i constantly feel that she wants me to do stuff just because it's what someone else (particularly her cousins etc.) said. she finds it hard to understand any of my justifications and sees it as a challenge against her authority.

    i remember this day when she was gonna give me a drive down to wellington so i can meet up with a friend for a journey to the south island. i had my bulky backpack with me, and i knew i was gonna eat during the ride so i told her that i should move to the back seat so i wouldn't get in her way. she went absolutely NUTS at me! "that's rude!" "you're assuming that the driver's a chauffeur and that she is inferior to you!'. BULL-FUCKING-SHIT i did! all i wanted was to give her an easier time, but when she spilled that crap on me, i had to argue back. all she kept saying was 'ask your uncle if you don't believe me' etc. pointing to other points of 'authority' and not tacking the issue itself. i wanted to sort this shit out with her but she kept on saying "don't talk about it, you'll just put me in a bad driving mood'. i so wanted to strangle her :steam:.

    grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... communication is just so hard with her. i never do anything with bad intentions, which pisses me off even more when she thinks i'm some sort of bad egg. doesn't get sarcasm either, which has gotten me in a A LOT of shit.

  7. #37
    Don't Judge Me! Haphazard's Avatar
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    Mom: ISFJ
    Dad: INTP

    My mother and I get along somewhat, although she thinks I'm messy and something of a lunatic deep down. Then again, she's easy to converse with, and seems to have most of her priorities straight. The point is, even if we can't get along all the time, I can at least respect her.

    I would probably ignore my dad all the time if he just sat on the couch doing nothing, but from it he keeps yelling at me to do stuff for him when he could very well just get up and do it himself. He does this to my mother, too. Somehow, he thinks he can run the household by doing absolutely nothing. Naturally, I resent him, even though we would be closer 'typewise' than me and my mother.
    -Carefully taking sips from the Fire Hose of Knowledge

  8. #38
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    My mom's an ISFJ, dad's an INTX.

    If there's one thing I like to do with my mom, it's argue
    It's really fun to break down all her illogical arguements, especially while splitting hairs.

    My dad on the other hand, is who I go to when I want to find out about something or have a serious discussion
    I can't really figure out wether he's P or J, because he seems to have a fair bit of both.

    What I can't stand about my parents though, is that they can't wait with anything. If they want something done, they want it done in an instant.
    This is very annoying when I'm for example reading

  9. #39
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
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    My 'soon-to-be' ex is ESFJ. Our oldest is ISFP. I am very close to him and we get along very, very well. I think it because we will both show our affection by services and be sure to give each other plenty of space. We do not have much common interests, though, except for music.

    My daughter looks like she will be ExFJ--probably ESFJ. I have a harder time getting along with her because she wants to 'plug in' to me. She is constantly trying to give me hugs, hovering over me, and asking me, 'what's wrong?' She's very sensitive to having her feelings hurt. She gets along a lot better with her father than with me. I have to remind myself to talk with her, spend time with her, and remind her that my 'serious face' and need to be alone to recharge myself or think has nothing to do with her precious self. I worry about our relationship because I think she doesn't know what to make of me.

    The next is only six but he is very introverted. The rest I cannot tell--he is a bit of an enigma. He is exceedingly bright; he knew over 600 words by the time he was 18 months old and he could play and beat his older siblings on Nintendo by the time he was 2 1/2. He absolutely hated people too--nobody could approach him without him screaming. He doesn't talk or share much of what he is thinking or feeling but he tends to be a bit of a ham. He is starting to come out of his shell and it appears most often in the form of humor (he is getting to be very funny). I know it's going to sound odd but we tend to be a little wary of each other.

    The youngest...egads. He is two and I can already see his bossy butt being ExTJ. He's got to be...anyone who gets a bottle of lotion and demands a massage--what else could he be? I am hoping it is ENTJ--my oldest sister is one and we get along really great. I wouldn't know how to get along with an ESTJ to save my life! *sigh*

    FWIW, my Mom was ESFJ (enneagram type 2) and I had a miserable ass existence with that woman when I got to be a teen. The type difference was bad enough but she was an alcoholic, too. I have no idea what type my Dad was: absent would probably be the best description...despite living under the same roof.

  10. #40
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by booyalab View Post
    my mom's an ESFJ and I think it's been harder on her than me, heh.
    ditto

    Quote Originally Posted by Randomnity View Post
    If I ever end up with an NF child, that would be an uhh...interesting challenge. I pity the poor kid.
    hah. don't feel bad if they're ENFP. STPs share our drive for adventure.

    Quote Originally Posted by anii View Post
    So yeah, I've been FUBAR, but I'm an adult now and instead of blaming the past I choose to create a fabulous present/future. Oh and to have as much irreverent and shameless fun as possible - it's not too late to have a happy childhood.
    aw, good for you!!


    my mom's ESFJ and my dad's INTP, and i have an INTP little brother. things at my house are interesting.

    mom (ESFJ) and i get along really well and are just good friends, but i'm so, soooo lazy compared to her. i feel really bad sometimes for not being as helpful and altruistic as she is, but she's totally out of my league. i'd die of exhaustion, lol. but i do try to be helpful by to her personally by encouraging her to do more things just for herself. we both agree that we are the fundamentally happy/positive ones in the family, and we're both flexible when it comes to people needs and interactions. my Fe would suck balls if it weren't for growing up observing and learning from her. i feel like she gets pretty down on herself sometimes though, and i wish there were more i could do to just help her build herself up. it's easy to fight with dad or my brother because they fight back (or launch the first attack), but getting upset with mom rips me apart inside because she just gets sad. anyway besides that she's totally my role model, i love doing stuff with her and we make a great team.

    me and dad (INTP) bond well over learning and intellectual stuff - as a little kid he'd quiz my knowledge on stuff and we still play games like that. we're usually on the same cognitive page, and i know that it's only thanks to him that my Te is as refined as it is. there's some kind of odd tension typically between us (i suspect it's somewhat related to strong Fi - strong Ti) and as a teenager i used to Te blow up with him pretty often. my brother (also INTP) annoys my dad even more than i do though, i think. it's weird because in some ways they're SO alike but he just enjoys pissing dad off. given, they're both self-absorbed in some ways, picky, and critical, so they kind of set themselves up. plus i know that dad and i both love each other even if we tick one another off fairly often over dumb stuff that we usually agree on at a fundamental level anyway, lol.

    and my brother... annoys the living shit out of me. given, he's a teenager now, and that's kind of what teenagers do, but he's typically an entitled whiner. on the bright side, we're both lazy and intuitive, and i know under his giant-ego shell he's a genuinely nice kid. i mean, he is my brother, after all. i have his back regardless of how much of an ass he is. also, i enjoy picking on him. generally we squabble way more than a 20+ and teenager should!

    and... yep. that's my family. everyone's family is at least a little dysfunctional, as are we, but i luvz them.

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