How would an ISTJ man react if a woman (his friend) confessed that she likes him, has feelings for him? Would he be turned off by this or scared away or flattered/touched? And it would have to be through an email because he is overseas. Or should I just stay silent and keep my feelings for him to myself? How would an ISTJ man likely approach this situation? thanks.
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ISTJ man's reaction
- Thread starter Bloomings
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Eugene Watson VIII
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my dad's an STJ I believe. An ISTJ is just a person, like you and me. His reaction would depend on more than just a personality type, but it should be positive if you're aware he lieks you.
T
The Iron Giant
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I'm very familiar with the type, and somewhat familiar with the dynamic. I'm an ISTJ who has been with at least one INFJ.
In his position, it would depend on a lot of things. One is how he feels about you, which you may not be able to determine without asking. But in this case, I'm not sure it matters so much. An honest, direct expression of how you feel about him is best. He's reasonably likely to take what you say at face value. If you hint at things, you may be leaving it up to his Ne to fill in the gaps, and inferior Ne is not good at coming up with positive possibilities. Once he's clearly absorbed it, you can ask him how he feels about you.
Good luck!
In his position, it would depend on a lot of things. One is how he feels about you, which you may not be able to determine without asking. But in this case, I'm not sure it matters so much. An honest, direct expression of how you feel about him is best. He's reasonably likely to take what you say at face value. If you hint at things, you may be leaving it up to his Ne to fill in the gaps, and inferior Ne is not good at coming up with positive possibilities. Once he's clearly absorbed it, you can ask him how he feels about you.
Good luck!
I believe he cares for me. I'm just not sure if it's more than just a friendship kind of way. He's always willing to help me out. But I'm not sure if he's like this with everyone because he's very polite. He has given me compliments in the past on my looks and likes my sensitivity. He's difficult to read, as you said difficult to determine. Once I tell him, should I just wait to hear back from him... "once he's clearly absorbed it?"
Speaking as an ISTJ yourself, would you be flattered or scared away? How would you handle it? thanks.
T
The Iron Giant
Guest
Yes, I think you should send the email, and then give him time to decide what to do with it, and see how he responds. I his place, I would recognize that this is something important to you, and I would want to give you a response as soon as I could.
I would be flattered, not scared away. If I felt the same or was interested in pursuing something to see if maybe it could work out, I would say so. If I wasn't interested, I would respond honestly, saying that I appreciate that you shared this but that I don't feel it too.
It's not something that would harm a friendship for me, even if I wasn't interested in turning it into something more. But I'm just one man. As [MENTION=15964]minutegovt[/MENTION] said, he's just a person. ISTJ or not, I can't guarantee you that this will turn out well.
T
The Iron Giant
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It depends. It's one thing if a female friend was like, oh I like you and want to pursue this, what do you think? It would be another if she went, I'm madly in love with you and if you don't marry and impregnate me this weekend I will murder your family.
Hyperbole of course, but you get the picture.
I really just want him to know that I care for him. And then let him decide on what he wants to do with it. It goes against my grain to be making the first move. Is it true that ISTJ's do not express their feelings? Do ISTJ's feel more than they show?
You mentioned that you were once involved with an INFJ. Were their things you liked about this personality type? And disliked?
Kayness
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T
The Iron Giant
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I don't express my feelings as openly and directly as many other people I've known. I've had feelings about people in the past and kept it to myself because I didn't know if it was reciprocated. Yes, I feel more than I show. I think most people do... but I feel A LOT more than I show.
She was very intelligent and sensitive, and very giving, and I liked that. But she had a lot of trouble reading me, and would jump to some wild conclusions. She seemed almost frantic in her decision making, and was often convinced she had offended me, when she probably couldn't offend me if she tried.
Thank you for your insight. Mine is also a LDR (friendship). I believe he has feelings for me, but is being very cautious because we live so far apart. I may just have to move on...
I'm still not sure if I'm willing to become vulnerable and tell him how I really feel. I don't know what to do really. Any advice???
Wishing you the very best in your relationship!
T
The Iron Giant
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I'm still not sure if I'm willing to become vulnerable and tell him how I really feel. I don't know what to do really. Any advice???
I think you should tell him. What could it really hurt?
Me :/ ... if he does not feel the exact same way. What would an ISTJ appreciate?
T
The Iron Giant
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I am an ISTJ, and I would appreciate honesty and directness. I can't speak for or predict how other ISTJs will feel.
Cimarron
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I would appreciate her not getting hurt for my sake.
Confused now about how to proceed...As I've said several times recently (apologize to repeat readers), I feel a lot more than I show, yes; even when I think I'm showing how I feel, it's often barely seen.
skylights
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I love this, generally, about STJs. You guys are so up-front. Very honest in a matter-of-fact but kind way. It's like totally neutral with good will thrown in.
And you guys do this crazy thing where you just... take... information... and work with it. Like it's easy. I can't even begin to fathom this.
Good luck [MENTION=16007]Bloomings[/MENTION]! I think you should tell him. NFs don't usually do well harboring things like that and STJs are very good at dealing with things calmly and rationally. It would probably make both of you happier to spill the beans. Ultimately, lingering in an unrequited relationship will hurt you more than letting go.
I love this, generally, about STJs. You guys are so up-front. Very honest in a matter-of-fact but kind way. It's like totally neutral with good will thrown in.
And you guys do this crazy thing where you just... take... information... and work with it. Like it's easy. I can't even begin to fathom this.
Good luck [MENTION=16007]Bloomings[/MENTION]! I think you should tell him. NFs don't usually do well harboring things like that and STJs are very good at dealing with things calmly and rationally. It would probably make both of you happier to spill the beans. Ultimately, lingering in an unrequited relationship will hurt you more than letting go.
Thank you Skylights!
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