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  1. #1
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Default Best Relationships, By Type

    I've read so much lately about theories on which types are supposedly suited to which types, and I'm curious about how it's worked out in reality.

    • What were the type match-ups in your best (or worst) romantic relationships?
    • Why were they successful, or why did they fail?
    • Have you made any overall conclusions about type compatibility, personally or generally?

  2. #2
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    Oh my head already hurts. Why bother.

  3. #3
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    It would be totally fun to go speed dating with like at least 3 people of each type to see if you were generally more attracted to a certain type.

    I have dated more Nfps in my life than any other type.
    A few of them were in hs tho so I kinda feel like they don't even count. Idkw

    Longest relationship was with an istj but he was/is a bit of an odd one in a lot of ways so who the hell knows.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  4. #4
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    My conclusion about type compatibility is that trying to make a rationalistic argument as to what types are "best" for each other is a fool's errand.

    There are too many complexities (MBTI type, enneagram type, instinctual variant, health level, alignment, values, goals, beliefs, etc.) to do it.

    Thinking that you can match two types from just one of these system is ridiculous.

    That being said, I think there is value to learning the systems, and I think there are definitely tendencies based on type.

    I've definitely had a tendency for dating EFPs throughout my life; but, that being said, I'd be open to dating someone of any type, really.

    I think there's something to most of the major rationalistic theories (INTJ<->ENFP, INTJ<->ESFP), but I think experience speaks for something as well.

    This site, for example, say they base their recommendations off observation/experience (i.e., empiricism), as opposed to rationalist models.

    And, as such, they have drastically different recommendations for whom INTJs (and just about every type) should date.

    For INTJs, they recommend: ESTJs, INTJs, ENTJs, and ISTPs; next: INTP, INFJ, INFP, ENFP; last: everything else

    Then again, maybe they're full of shit, and have no idea what they're talking about.

    This site has interesting stuff about enneagram marriage correlations.

    But, then again, if you meet someone of a enneagram type who's supposedly not correlated with your enneagram type, and you get along with them great, are you gunna let a supposed negative correlation between your types (according to this website) stop you from pursuing that relationship? I mean, frankly, that seems like a retarded course of action to me.

    So, yeah, I've come to the point where I don't really have any hard conclusions on what type should be with what type.

    I don't think that searching for that answer, though, has been a fool's errand -- quite the opposite in fact.

    While I may not have any hard conclusions, I do feel like I've learned a helluva lot.

    I think I'm far better-equipped now to understand what's going on, and whether I want to be with somebody, than before.

    And, while I don't have any hard conclusions, I do think something along the lines of an e2 or e9 (I'd arrived at this hypothesis before I saw the data from that website), probably sx/sp (I'm sp last, and, honestly, I think it's probably important that at least on person in the relationship have some frickin sp), maybe EFP, maybe NTJ, maybe IFP, or even IFJ or NFJ, would be my most preferred/most likely match (but, tbh, I'm probably open to any MBTI type), but, perhaps most important, is that they are mentally healthy (high enneagram health level), and that, however we might be, we have compatible goals/desires/values, and will have the goodness of spirit and strength of will to make the good times as plentiful/abundant as possible, and the emotional, mental, and spiritual fortitude to work through the tough times (which will inevitably arise).

    I dunno, that last part sounded cheesy, but I think it's true; I feel like I just said something that @Halla74 would write. :P

  5. #5
    meinmeinmein! mmhmm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    I've read so much lately about theories on which types are supposedly suited to which types, and I'm curious about how it's worked out in reality.
    [*]What were the type match-ups in your best (or worst) romantic relationships?[*]Why were they successful, or why did they fail?

    i've only been in relationships with three people, and this
    includes my current boyfriend. i wouldn't say i had a 'worst'
    relationship as all my relationships have been long term and
    i liked them at one point in time.

    the one with the intj ended on a particularly bad note,
    but i think we, or at least i, outgrew the relationship.

    intj - 7yrs - there was just no flow in the long run.
    major thing that broke us down was our communication
    style. so many interruptions when we talk, so much
    sideline explaining to do. listening to him really drains
    me, it felt like going to a lecture, and like so many rules
    on how i have to listen to him, a certain way i have
    to pay attention, which is weird because on the other
    hand... total doormat.

    but what really broke us up was my realization that
    he'd never be as strong as me. and could never be
    what i needed in a partner. so i made him cry. and
    took pictures.

    istp -5yrs- he was fun to look at, lots of laughs
    but it never reached that level of 'depth' i wanted?
    i'm very much like, i-want-to-slice-you-up-and-wear-
    your-skin-and-be-part-of-you kinda intimacy.

    despite the fun, there was no sense of being able
    to rely on him and i couldn't see the future anymore.
    he's a peter pan, and he's happy with just being that,
    nothing more, nothing less.

    this was the least relationship-py relationship.
    we mutually ended it.

    intp -current- besides me being crazy in luh luh luh,
    we simply just get along like no other. and of
    course, "he really understands me". he indulges
    my curiosity, he really opens up my world to all
    these things i've overlooked or never took notice
    of before, and he sheds a new light on those
    things.

    i love how it's constantly moving forwards, he
    can keep up with me seamlessly, and he can
    calm me down better than 2mg bar of xanax.
    i feel incredibly safe, which is something very
    new, and i love and deeply appreciate his quiet
    strength. for the first time i can feel completely
    at ease with somebody. before that, i only tasted
    this sort of freedom when i'm by myself.

    and omg he looks the sculptures of the Gods and
    Kings at the Prado.


    [*]Have you made any overall conclusions about type compatibility, personally or generally?
    3rd time's a charm.
    every normal man must be tempted, at times,
    to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag,
    and begin slitting throats.
    h.l. mencken

  6. #6
    Senior Member UniqueMixture's Avatar
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    Intj: zero experience
    Entp: uh... haha not sure how appropriate it is to share. Lots of fun! Was not a serious relationship.
    Esfj: We tend to argue too much.
    Isfp: Good! If they can keep up. I think when I am in extraverted mode it can be quite taxing for the isfp
    Istj: If they have an open heart and I can make them smile it is good. Otherwise, can be a bit too stiff?
    Estp: Not anything serious, but it was quite nice.
    Enfj: I do not enjoy the interaction it feels too flat and forced.
    Infp: no experience
    Isfj: good!
    Esfp: mhmm. No bueno long term
    Entj: no experience
    Intp: different values
    infj: possibly good. However, can tend toward codependency
    Enfp: best and worst.
    estj: good! However she had control issues
    Istp: often they are in too much pain to love
    For all that we have done, as a civilization, as individuals, the universe is not stable, and nor is any single thing within it. Stars consume themselves, the universe itself rushes apart, and we ourselves are composed of matter in constant flux. Colonies of cells in temporary alliance, replicating and decaying and housed within, an incandescent cloud of electrical impulses. This is reality, this is self knowledge, and the perception of it will, of course, make you dizzy.

  7. #7
    Riva
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    Quote Originally Posted by mmhmm View Post
    Have you made any overall conclusions about type compatibility, personally or generally?
    3rd time's a charm.
    Well I hope it goes well with the two of you.

    Sideline question -

    I know Jock and I are around the same age (24-25), so it's logical to think you are also in your mid 20s. Sooooo does it mean you have been dating since 13?????? Call me tooooo Asian (and extremely traditional?), but I sincerely believe that age is way too young to be an age for dating.

    @JocktheMotie, sorry for pestering your squeeze.

  8. #8
    meinmeinmein! mmhmm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Riva View Post
    Well I hope it goes well with the two of you.

    Sideline question -

    I know Jock and I are around the same age (24-25), so it's logical to think you are also in your mid 20s. Sooooo does it mean you have been dating since 13?????? Call me tooooo Asian (and extremely traditional?), but I sincerely believe that age is way too young to be an age for dating.

    @JocktheMotie, sorry for pestering your squeeze.
    no. i'm older than him. i first started dating when i was 17.
    every normal man must be tempted, at times,
    to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag,
    and begin slitting throats.
    h.l. mencken

  9. #9
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    @Lady X, I agree, that kind of speed dating sounds fun!

    @Zarathustra, I've essentially reached the same conclusion at least for the moment, and I've kind of moved from rabidly seeking an answer to just reveling in stories. I really enjoy reading about different matches and how they work out, in particular how certain traits either line up well or complement one another. I used to obsess over Pokemon type matchups too (nerd alert). It just really interests me, for whatever reason.


    @mmhmm, thank you for all the info! Really interesting. Your relationships tend to be long! Mine too. I love your and Jock's love, it's so mushy gushy fantastic.

    @UniqueMixture, excellent list!! LOL @ Entp

  10. #10
    Senior Member Forever_Jung's Avatar
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    All my relationships I have been in have been unmitigated disasters, BUT, my least horrible one was with an INFP. It was actually really nice until she revealed her poop fetish to me...(1.5 years)

    My worst relationship was basically like living in the basement of that guy from "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo". She was ESFJ. Ugh, it was a while ago, but I am still trying to not to pre-judge every Fe-dom I meet. (2.5 years)

    I should start dating women I actually like, rather than accepting every request I receive to avoid having to be rude. Such an arrangement sets the tone for the rest of the relationship and I always end up being a doormat. To-Do list: grow a pair.

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