User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 35

  1. #1
    Senior Member The Great One's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    6w7
    Posts
    3,461

    Default How do I get ENFJ's to turn down the Fe?

    Okay, so I really enjoy the ENFJ, but sometimes they take their Fe too far and I feel like they trap me in this bubble of "social rules". How do I politely tell an ENFJ to cool it down without pissing them off?

  2. #2
    RDF
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great One View Post
    Okay, so I really enjoy the ENFJ, but sometimes they take their Fe too far and I feel like they trap me in this bubble of "social rules". How do I politely tell an ENFJ to cool it down without pissing them off?
    This response isn’t specific to ENFJs.

    Anyway, when I start feeling crowded by someone, I can erect a quick boundary by saying, “Hey look, I’m a grumpy old man; that’s just not going to happen.” And then I act like a grumpy old man and simply refuse to hear anymore about it.

    The point is this: People come at you with their agendas. And that’s fine; just make sure you have an agenda of your own and push it with equal vigor in turn.

    The tough part may be in figuring out what your agenda is vis-a-vis a given person. Perceivers like to hang with other people and then react off whatever signals the other person sends out. Perceivers don’t have strong boundaries. And lack of boundaries = lack of an agenda.

    You have to be be more proactive than that with some people. So sit down and figure out what this person gives you (pros and cons) versus what you would like to get from them (pros and cons). Then erect appropriate boudaries or otherwise reconstruct your relationship appropriately. See this post for my “dinner party” example: http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=1#post1859560

    Don’t get too aggressive with your boundaries. If your agenda is too contradictory to theirs, you end up in a position where you and the other person can’t connect at all. Instead, regard your new-found agenda as a security blanket and try to limit its use to those times when you’re really feeling crowded. Otherwise, try to remain open to their agenda; maybe there’s something new to be learned from them and their approach to the world.

    Also see this post on how to say “No” to people nicely: http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=1#post1859087

  3. #3
    no clinkz 'til brooklyn Nocapszy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Posts
    4,516

    Default

    the problem is not that there's some better or more polite way to do this...
    the problem is that the ENFJ has indoctrinated you with the idea that you actually need a polite way to tell them essentially, "shut the fuck up and let me do me for a minute."
    we fukin won boys

  4. #4
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6
    Posts
    24,060

    Default

    Okay, so I really enjoy the ENTP, but sometimes they take their Ne too far and I feel like they trap me in this bubble of "free association" that gives me a headache. How do I politely tell an ENTP to cool it down without pissing them off?

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    2 so/sx
    Posts
    455

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Okay, so I really enjoy the ENTP, but sometimes they take their Ne too far and I feel like they trap me in this bubble of "free association" that gives me a headache. How do I politely tell an ENTP to cool it down without pissing them off?
    You can't piss them off by saying what you think. You can piss them off by telling them what they can and cannot think.

    How can I tell an INFP to stop being so judgmental and accept that just because others don't have Fi it doesn't mean they are heartless monsters?

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    2 so/sx
    Posts
    455

    Default

    double post.

    Anybody knows why Fi is so good at sex? Is there a topic on that already (link)?

  7. #7
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6
    Posts
    24,060

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Istbkleta View Post
    You can't piss them off by saying what you think. You can piss them off by telling them what they can and cannot think.

    How can I tell an INFP to stop being so judgmental and accept that just because others don't have Fi it doesn't mean they are heartless monsters?
    I wouldn't know; I don't think that.

  8. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    2 so/sx
    Posts
    455

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    I wouldn't know; I don't think that.
    I am so glad.

    What do you think of people without Fi?


    I think ENFJs kind of get a superior attitude with the non-Fe (moral high ground) folk. I used to live with an ENFJ for 3 years. They are amazing in many ways.

  9. #9
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6
    Posts
    24,060

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Istbkleta View Post
    I am so glad.

    What do you think of people without Fi?


    I think ENFJs kind of get a superior attitude with the non-Fe (moral high ground) folk. I used to live with an ENFJ for 3 years. They are amazing in many ways.
    I'm not even sure how to answer that. I don't tend to think anything in particular about people who don't use Fi the way I do, except "they don't use Fi the way I do."

    But in reality nobody is without Fi. Just, some of us rely on it more, or are more aware of it or embrace it more readily. Honestly, I find strong Fi to be downright painful at times so I'm almost envious of people for whom it's not their go-to function. But then again, probably BECAUSE of my strong Fi I consider pain beautiful in a way, so I can't wish it away. It's all in the perspective.

  10. #10
    Senior Member The Great One's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    6w7
    Posts
    3,461

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by FineLine View Post
    This response isn’t specific to ENFJs.

    Anyway, when I start feeling crowded by someone, I can erect a quick boundary by saying, “Hey look, I’m a grumpy old man; that’s just not going to happen.” And then I act like a grumpy old man and simply refuse to hear anymore about it.

    The point is this: People come at you with their agendas. And that’s fine; just make sure you have an agenda of your own and push it with equal vigor in turn.

    The tough part may be in figuring out what your agenda is vis-a-vis a given person. Perceivers like to hang with other people and then react off whatever signals the other person sends out. Perceivers don’t have strong boundaries. And lack of boundaries = lack of an agenda.

    You have to be be more proactive than that with some people. So sit down and figure out what this person gives you (pros and cons) versus what you would like to get from them (pros and cons). Then erect appropriate boudaries or otherwise reconstruct your relationship appropriately. See this post for my “dinner party” example: http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=1#post1859560

    Don’t get too aggressive with your boundaries. If your agenda is too contradictory to theirs, you end up in a position where you and the other person can’t connect at all. Instead, regard your new-found agenda as a security blanket and try to limit its use to those times when you’re really feeling crowded. Otherwise, try to remain open to their agenda; maybe there’s something new to be learned from them and their approach to the world.

    Also see this post on how to say “No” to people nicely: http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=1#post1859087
    I actually use quite a bit of Fe myself. It's just that sometimes I enjoy playing with groups and saying things for shock effect just to see what happens. If I offend maybe one or two people I don't really care. However, if I offend like 5 or more then I will most likely quit. Most ENFJ try to do this Papa bear shit where they try to like "improve you" and I just want to tell them to fuck off without losing our friendship. It's like I love to hang out with ENFJ in a one on one environment, but I hate being around them in large groups.

Similar Threads

  1. [ISTP] How do you get an ISTP to fall for you?
    By lecky in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 79
    Last Post: 10-03-2016, 02:09 PM
  2. [INFJ] How do you get an INFJ to forgive you?
    By Julie1962 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 04-19-2010, 06:42 PM
  3. [INFJ] How do you get an INFJ to trust you?
    By EricHanson in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 10-29-2009, 07:43 AM
  4. [ENFP] How do I get to the dating phase with an ENFP?
    By YoungGun2112 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 04-17-2009, 10:53 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO