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  1. #1
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Smile How to use Te without pissing people off

    I've been on this forum enough to have heard from Fe and Ti users that Te can be overwhelming/aggravating to them. I want to understand better why this is so. And I want to know how to fine tune my use of Te in such a way that it doesn't unnecessarily chafe.

    • Advice or hints on how to use Te without pissing people off?
    • Any Te horror stories you want to share?


    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  2. #2
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Chill out and don't think that what you have to say is the word of god. Understand that everyone has their opinions, and that when you try to use Te for others that it will fail no matter how smart the conclusion if you aren't tactful enough to get your message across. Otherwise, the person will focus more on the fact that you're being so rude and blunt and pushy rather than what you are actually saying.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  3. #3
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    Who cares?

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    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    I've been on this forum enough to have heard from Fe and Ti users that Te can be overwhelming/aggravating to them. I want to understand better why this is so. And I want to know how to fine tune my use of Te in such a way that it doesn't unnecessarily chafe.

    • Advice or hints on how to use Te without pissing people off?
    • Any Te horror stories you want to share?


    "I wish that I could be affected by any hate, but I can't, cuz I just get affected by that bank"
    ENFP: We put the Fi in Fire
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    "I wish that I could be affected by any hate, but I can't, cuz I just get affected by the bank" Chamillionaire

  5. #5
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    No seriously, the reason why I say "who cares" is because sometimes people with Fe or even others with Te will keep pushing you if you aren't direct and lay down the law. I cook for some middle-aged disabled man who is some kind of STJ who apparently isn't used to women standing up to him (now that he's in a wheel chair apparently he forgets that him barking at people isn't going to fly) and I *have* to be fucking direct with him. In fact, me and my ESFJ friend both seem to be able to "handle" him without saying "oh poor man he's in a wheelchair." No. He's a fucking asshole (actually I think he's ESTJ, because this ISTJ old man I know said once "geez I wonder if he talked to his wife like that, I never talk to my wife like that, I can't believe he talks that way to people who are doing things for him.") He's just overbearing and demanding and you have to deal with him and give it right back to him.

    On the other hand, even Fe people will keep pushing and pushing passive-aggressively if you don't lay down the fucking law with them and create boundaries. They'll keep doing their shit as long as you play Fi/Pe (Pe/Fi) "nice" and once they get a OHAI SURPRISE dose of Te, they will stop their shit.

    I've had IxFJs mostly complain that I am shockingly direct at times. IxFJs seem the most bothered by it. EFJs can handle it because of their own dom Fe a lot of the time, as can TJs, ETPs and more mature FPs. I think young, passive IFPs and ITPs may have the occasional fear response to it though. I know my grandfather's ESTJ wife used to kind of scare me as a kid. But I saw my ESFP mom stand up to her, and I think between the two of them, I learned not to let people instill too much fear into me (unless that fear is reasonable for self-preservation, like running is better than confrontation).

    Te can be detached and reasonable though. I think that's mature Te. Te that's not childish can just come across as kind of impersonal and even-handed and matter of fact.

  6. #6
    Senior Member The Great One's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    I've been on this forum enough to have heard from Fe and Ti users that Te can be overwhelming/aggravating to them. I want to understand better why this is so. And I want to know how to fine tune my use of Te in such a way that it doesn't unnecessarily chafe.

    • Advice or hints on how to use Te without pissing people off?
    • Any Te horror stories you want to share?


    lol, I knew that it had to be an ENFP who posted this, because a Te dom could give less of a shit if they piss people off with what they do. That's more of an Fe thing or an Fi thing to avoid confrontation.

  7. #7
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Great One View Post
    lol, I knew that it had to be an ENFP who posted this, because a Te dom could give less of a shit if they piss people off with what they do. That's more of an Fe thing or an Fi thing to avoid confrontation.

    My though exactly , what explains why there is no TJs in this thread.

  8. #8
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    Count to ten. Collect your thoughts. Be calm but direct. Then speak.

    And everything that @BlackCat said is completely spot on--everybody should read it at least three times over.

    Horror stories? I dunno, I had someone who I was "close to" who could dish it but not take it. That wasn't fun at all.

  9. #9
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Does this count as a horror story that the OP is mentioning ?


    One of my old posts.



    How would you react if I have done something similar to you?


    Once two other guys (I would say ExTP and a xNTP) wanted to play RISK 2210 with me and I have accepted the challenge. But I wasn't fair in that challenge (actually it was a challenge for me for them it was just a game).


    But since I had a RISK 2210 and I was relatively new to this game I wanted to win at all costs. I have opened the game on my table and started to plan my moves since this version of risk allows you much more planning than classical Risk game.


    I have counted all the cards that give you special abilties and I have calcualted the probability of getting a card that alows me to use certain ability and where would be smart to place my troops at a start and how to arrange them.... etc. Plus how much energy(money) will I have in a certain moment.
    So I have planned and calculated many possibilities for hours and I finally ended my planning around 4 AM.


    Next day that wasn't actually a game, it was more like genocide. In 5 turns I have managed to wipe out both of them of the chart and capture all 69 territories. In the end those two guys stayed shocked and asked me "How? How did you do this, Damn it?" So I have shown them my strategy and how I planned until 4 AM. (and papers on which the probabilities were counted and plans were developed ..... etc to the last detail)


    The reaction in general was like "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU !?"
    Even today they are saying things like "Just don't plan anything, OK?" as a sarcasm about what happened that day.




    To me this is one of the lifes best pleasures, I enjoy calculating possiblities and use this in a way that others do not expect. When others think that there is just something random going on they are usually wrong since I don't even open my mouth before I take a look on how those words can be used against me. What doesn't mean that I will not "risk" sometimes.



    One philosophical question for the end


    If you are planning not to plan, are you planning?

    (what is sometimes best strategy)


    Is this the example of the mentioned "horror stories" ?

  10. #10
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    Explain yourself in a way that doesn't scream "how do you not understand this" to other people.

    It's actually pretty simple. If you have the control to not need to demolish the dumb ideas of others, you're halfway there.

    Just don't be a dick about it.

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