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How to use Te without pissing people off

EJCC

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That's not how Te works though.
I'd be sure there are internal thoughts. ;)
It's a tough one, actually. :laugh: I'm having a hard time thinking of Te use that didn't involve getting something done externally. The only times I can think of, I realize that I'm actually thinking of Si, not Te.

I mean, my definition of repressing Te, from earlier in the thread, would be if you really wanted to say/do something, but you forced yourself not to. And I've said on the "Ask an ESTJ" thread, that Te is a lifestyle (though that might just be for ExTJs). So that's where my idea of Te being external by definition comes from. :shrug:
 

Winds of Thor

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It's a tough one, actually. :laugh: I'm having a hard time thinking of Te use that didn't involve getting something done externally.

Hrmm..thinking of a 400-person college lecture hall during a test. :)
 

Tiltyred

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Expanding on the "don't be a dick about it" advice -- be sensitive to coming off like a tedious overbearing know-it-all.
 

SD45T-2

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Expanding on the "don't be a dick about it" advice -- be sensitive to coming off like a tedious overbearing know-it-all.
Very true. :sage:

It's much better to be a fun, loveable know-it-all like me. :D
 

527468

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The reason Te-ExTJs often find themselves just doing is because running their mouth about information they find inevitably relies on the people skills needed by their Fi-inferior. There's a conflicting social issue and have realized they can't control the whole gamut, so conscientiously they adapt to being less wordy and get right to the point and deliver. They find it easier to have their own plan in mind and only pick at the situation where they see it needs improvement.

The other subtype I've found, Ni-ENTJ and Si-ESTJ, have a way of being less mindful of a certain plan or what people think, and will often find something knowledgeable to say, explain their thoughts and how things should be done. These are often the dryest ones.
 
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EJCC

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Hrmm..thinking of a 400-person college lecture hall during a test. :)
Um..? Unless I'm misunderstanding you, I don't think I do that. When I take tests, I only focus on the test, and if I get distracted, it's with Ne trains of thought.
Very true. :sage:

It's much better to be a fun, loveable know-it-all like me. :D
And me! :solidarity:

I'm starting to think you are, as they say, my brother from another mother. :cheers:
 

Winds of Thor

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I'm sorry...maybe I could rephrase. Is everyone going to be thinking outloud? :D haha

I would think most would agree there's not much mystery in knowing that. Just sayin'.

For what it's worth.
 

EJCC

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Okay, I take back what I said before -- I can definitely think of examples of Te without external action. Never mind! :laugh: Whoops!
I'm sorry...maybe I could rephrase. What skill is there in knowing not everyone is going to be thinking outloud?

I would think most would agree there's not much mystery in knowing that. Just sayin'.

For what it's worth.
... Yeah, I agree with that statement. You're right that not everyone thinks out loud, and everyone knows that not everyone thinks out loud.

I guess I'm confused as to how it relates to the discussion at hand, though?
 

EJCC

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I've never met one Te user like this.
Yes, you have.

:hi:

I can name MANY INTJs and ISTJs on the forum, as well. Plus, obviously, [MENTION=15246]SD45T-2[/MENTION] :)
 

raz

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Does it count if my first few thoughts after reading a few pages of this were, "I've learned how to deal with this, how are people so f'in stupid not to see it? Do I even want to bother with this?" LOL, that was Si, Te, Fi right there. Okay, I'm ISTJ.

The way I've learned to deal with it? Stick to Te and Fi, but support Te's decision making with Si. Basically, what I mean, is I have a tendency to piss people off with Te. It's not in what I do or how I do things. It's more in what I let myself say because I don't allow much of social barrier to hinder me or I'm more willing to bypass people's feelings or ideas if they just don't make sense. My whole family knows it, and my INTJ father does, also. But, I learned to correct my bluntness by trying to interject it with even more of the patented introvert Think First Then Speak mentality.

Experience keeps on being a deciding factor on how I adjust myself...I very quickly ask myself very often things like:

1) Is what I'm wanting to say socially acceptable? By that, how will it affect the other person? Will it offend them? Will it hurt their feelings? If the latter, I ask myself, do I care? Does it even matter to me?

Most of the time, if I know it will just completely eviscerate their feelings, I refrain from it. However, at the same time, my mentality is logical and forceful. I put up with almost no crap. Like a girl saying they're fine and expecting you to know what's wrong? We're not 5 years old. Get a grip and grow up. Give me a call when you're not playing the emotional games of a grade schooler.

2) I think about how it will fly based on any professional or legal conduct I'm supposed to be abiding by. Then, I strictly follow it.

3) Am I just trying to outright be annoying for fun? Like when I played "They see me stroll on my segway, I know in my heart they think I'm white and nerdy" as I drove past a group of people on segways downtown last week. Yeah, I can just be outright mean for fun.

The bottom line is, while I've learned I can easily piss someone off and I do it regularly, intentionally or unintentionally, I've learned to avoid 60-70% of mistakes by just putting a lot of what I say through a social cause and effect filter. Kind of like, "that's just dumb to say, because you'll get your butt kicked" way of thinking.

Not much of Fe at all, just taking prior experiences, building a way of interacting with the world, and solidifying it with what I actually do or do not care about.
 
A

Anew Leaf

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[MENTION=4945]EJCC[/MENTION]

Subdoing your Te? If you are subduing your Te then you are then using another function what the hell? Are you sure you aren't an ESFJ?

It's the same thing that happens when people yell at the ENTP to use their indoor voice.
 

Winds of Thor

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The colloquialism could have been avoided.

Although my comment was meant in literal fashion. To enlighten. Served with more honey probably would have been better. :)
 

Red Herring

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Expanding on the "don't be a dick about it" advice -- be sensitive to coming off like a tedious overbearing know-it-all.

I thought that was Ti :D



Seriously, a mature, developed, wellbalanced TJ (read: with realistic self asessment and social skills) is a wonderful, wonderful thing! Some of the coolest people on here are friendly NTJs.
 

pinkgraffiti

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Oh man, I so need this thread. I get so embarrassed with my Te.
Thanks so much, love you mwuah!
I've been on this forum enough to have heard from Fe and Ti users that Te can be overwhelming/aggravating to them. I want to understand better why this is so. And I want to know how to fine tune my use of Te in such a way that it doesn't unnecessarily chafe.

  • Advice or hints on how to use Te without pissing people off?
  • Any Te horror stories you want to share?

:popc1:
 

Tiltyred

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I thought that was Ti :D



Seriously, a mature, developed, wellbalanced TJ (read: with realistic self asessment and social skills) is a wonderful, wonderful thing! Some of the coolest people on here are friendly NTJs.

True, no question about it. :)
 
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