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  1. #1
    Fight For Freedom FFF's Avatar
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    Default Introverts, Are New People Overstimulating?

    I met this guy at a mini-golf place, and I ended up staying at his place until 6 in the morning. I was playing music and talking with him. Then a few days later I stayed at his place until 4 in the morning. A few days after that, he called me and was just rattling off about how people at work were yelling at him and mean to him. We were on the phone for probably twenty minutes, and he probably talked for eighteen minutes. I'm just sitting there marveling at how much of a high need for stability he has for a guy (in MBTI terms, he's an F type), and I'm thinking about how he just won't let me talk. He keeps rattling on and on about one thing and just switches to the next.

    As a result of these interactions with him, I've noticed myself on overload. I just can't tolerate more time around him. After that phone call where he wouldn't let me say much, I didn't even want to pick up the phone the next morning or call him back. I was afraid the same thing was gonna happen. Then I realized it was like that with my friend David at first. Now I don't have any trouble being around him.

    I think certain new people have been much easier for me to be around, like I don't remember having much trouble with my friend Vinnie or my friend Jenny. So, I guess this overstimulation problem only has to do with certain people.

    I really don't have a lot of offline experience making new friends that are of any significance. So, anyway, I'm wondering if other introverts have similar experiences as these. Do certain new people cause you to be terribly overstimulated? If other yes, are there other new people that are easier to deal with?

  2. #2
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    I used to find everyone over stimulating but now I have better development of Ne I think. But the worst are extroverts who don't understand introverts, if they cannot accept that some people ( like me!) just need some additional time to "warm up" their extroverted functions. Many extroverts can learn this and accept it and allow the time to warm up, but when they cannot and they push and push and push

    "what's wrong?"
    "Lighten UP!"
    "you need to RELAX!"
    "What's wrong, your dog just die?"

    etc...!

    Then, yes, new people are draining.

  3. #3
    Fight For Freedom FFF's Avatar
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    I can't even recall being good friends with an introvert, so I don't know what it's like.

  4. #4
    Fight For Freedom FFF's Avatar
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    I forgot to mention that the very day I was avoiding this guy I talked to on the phone, I decided I would go bowling with a comfortable, familiar group of guys. I didn't have any problem doing this. I was thinking maybe I would do that and go home right away afterwards, but then I wanted to go eat with them afterwards. I didn't have any problem doing this. I do feel bad for avoiding and not inviting the really talkative guy because he's going offshore for two weeks now. So, he's gonna be gone for a while.

  5. #5
    Free-Rangin' Librarian Jae Rae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ImNotTooPopular View Post
    I met this guy at a mini-golf place, and I ended up staying at his place until 6 in the morning. I was playing music and talking with him. Then a few days later I stayed at his place until 4 in the morning. A few days after that, he called me and was just rattling off about how people at work were yelling at him and mean to him. We were on the phone for probably twenty minutes, and he probably talked for eighteen minutes. I'm just sitting there marveling at how much of a high need for stability he has for a guy (in MBTI terms, he's an F type), and I'm thinking about how he just won't let me talk. He keeps rattling on and on about one thing and just switches to the next.

    As a result of these interactions with him, I've noticed myself on overload. I just can't tolerate more time around him. After that phone call where he wouldn't let me say much, I didn't even want to pick up the phone the next morning or call him back. I was afraid the same thing was gonna happen. Then I realized it was like that with my friend David at first. Now I don't have any trouble being around him.

    I think certain new people have been much easier for me to be around, like I don't remember having much trouble with my friend Vinnie or my friend Jenny. So, I guess this overstimulation problem only has to do with certain people.

    I really don't have a lot of offline experience making new friends that are of any significance. So, anyway, I'm wondering if other introverts have similar experiences as these. Do certain new people cause you to be terribly overstimulated? If other yes, are there other new people that are easier to deal with?

    Self-focused people can be quite draining, and interacting with someone who only talks about himself and won't let you talk takes a lot of energy. Some new friendships are easier because you're not fending off all that me-me-me-me.

    Jae Rae
    Proud Female Rider in Maverick's Bike Club.

  6. #6
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jae Rae View Post
    Self-focused people can be quite draining, and interacting with someone who only talks about himself and won't let you talk takes a lot of energy. Some new friendships are easier because you're not fending off all that me-me-me-me.

    Jae Rae

    Yeah, but by the same token, it's exhausting for me to deal with a lot of focus on myself. I'd rather just hang and share stuff as it comes up. When I'm asked a lot of pointed questions about myself, it makes me tired and annoyed.

  7. #7
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    Yeh, they are if they ask me too many question... like more than two.

  8. #8
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    Some people talk a lot like you describe that guy, because they are nervous and insecure in the beginning and filling the space with talk makes them feel better, this person might ease up as he got more comfortable with and around you.

  9. #9
    Free-Rangin' Librarian Jae Rae's Avatar
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    But when I'mNotToo wanted to talk, his new friend wouldn't let him.

    Sometimes I'm happy to go with the flow and be entertained and charmed by a person who has a lot to say, but if I can't add something when I want, that's annoying. And someone who shows no interest in what I have to say? Feh.

    Jae Rae
    Proud Female Rider in Maverick's Bike Club.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jae Rae View Post
    But when I'mNotToo wanted to talk, his new friend wouldn't let him.

    I am not excusing what the guy did, just saying some people are like that at first, just like an introvert may be too quiet at first and then they get better when they are more comfortable. I am not making a value judgement either way here, just making an observation about people.

    I know an extrovert just like this, when he is stressed or insecure, he's intolerable to be around but other times he is much better. This person NotTooPopular describes would wear me out too!

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