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  1. #1
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    Default Does this sound like an ISTP?

    My friend, an ISTP, has some behaviors with me that don't seem so typically ISTP. He's in a relationship that he may well get out of and I'm not interested in anyone's judgment here but we've gone out a few times, plan on getting together more (have not slept together but have kissed each other). I know for fact that he's an ISTP because he took the test and shared his results. We stopped seeing each other when he took back a girlfriend who had delved into cheating on him. But we also stayed in touch a bit via email. Over the last few months, we've heated up our exchange. Do these seem like typical ISTP behaviors?:

    - We go to dinner and he holds my hand the entire time we're out together.

    - Tells me that being with me feels natural and that he has one of the most intimate relationships with me he's ever had (bearing in mind we haven't slept together).

    - Repeatedly seems surprised that he feels so "natural" being with me.

    - Wants to sleep together but also feels guilty and says that the last thing he wants is to ruin the wonderful and intimate connection we've been developing over the last few months.

    I think he feels he's not in the right relationship right now, but doesn't know how to leave it and is working through his feelings for his GF and competing feelings for me. I think he might like to leave that relationship, but feels some loyalty, but wants to explore things with me, is afraid of leaving her, then things don't work with me and he's alone with no one again. Of course, this could all be nuts and I'm far off base

    Oh, and she wants to marry him. I ask if he wants to marry her and there's silence. Then he says he doesn't know if she's the one and I could be the one. That the relationship is stable to the extent that he's sitting in the car with me. I wouldn't think of an ISTP even using the expresssion "the one." Sounds more NF to me.

  2. #2
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by grendiecat View Post
    My friend, an ISTP, has some behaviors with me that don't seem so typically ISTP. He's in a relationship that he may well get out of and I'm not interested in anyone's judgment here but we've gone out a few times, plan on getting together more (have not slept together but have kissed each other). I know for fact that he's an ISTP because he took the test and shared his results. We stopped seeing each other when he took back a girlfriend who had delved into cheating on him. But we also stayed in touch a bit via email. Over the last few months, we've heated up our exchange. Do these seem like typical ISTP behaviors?:

    - We go to dinner and he holds my hand the entire time we're out together.

    - Tells me that being with me feels natural and that he has one of the most intimate relationships with me he's ever had (bearing in mind we haven't slept together).

    - Repeatedly seems surprised that he feels so "natural" being with me.

    - Wants to sleep together but also feels guilty and says that the last thing he wants is to ruin the wonderful and intimate connection we've been developing over the last few months.

    I think he feels he's not in the right relationship right now, but doesn't know how to leave it and is working through his feelings for his GF and competing feelings for me. I think he might like to leave that relationship, but feels some loyalty, but wants to explore things with me, is afraid of leaving her, then things don't work with me and he's alone with no one again. Of course, this could all be nuts and I'm far off base

    Oh, and she wants to marry him. I ask if he wants to marry her and there's silence. Then he says he doesn't know if she's the one and I could be the one. That the relationship is stable to the extent that he's sitting in the car with me. I wouldn't think of an ISTP even using the expresssion "the one." Sounds more NF to me.
    It doesn't really matter what his type is. This whole situation reads Bad News Bears.

    TL;Dr: Doesn't matter what type he is because it doesn't solve the ACTUAL problems going on here.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Chiharu's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by grendiecat View Post
    My friend, an ISTP, has some behaviors with me that don't seem so typically ISTP. He's in a relationship that he may well get out of and I'm not interested in anyone's judgment here but we've gone out a few times, plan on getting together more (have not slept together but have kissed each other). I know for fact that he's an ISTP because he took the test and shared his results. We stopped seeing each other when he took back a girlfriend who had delved into cheating on him. But we also stayed in touch a bit via email. Over the last few months, we've heated up our exchange. Do these seem like typical ISTP behaviors?:

    - We go to dinner and he holds my hand the entire time we're out together.

    - Tells me that being with me feels natural and that he has one of the most intimate relationships with me he's ever had (bearing in mind we haven't slept together).

    - Repeatedly seems surprised that he feels so "natural" being with me.

    - Wants to sleep together but also feels guilty and says that the last thing he wants is to ruin the wonderful and intimate connection we've been developing over the last few months.

    I think he feels he's not in the right relationship right now, but doesn't know how to leave it and is working through his feelings for his GF and competing feelings for me. I think he might like to leave that relationship, but feels some loyalty, but wants to explore things with me, is afraid of leaving her, then things don't work with me and he's alone with no one again. Of course, this could all be nuts and I'm far off base

    Oh, and she wants to marry him. I ask if he wants to marry her and there's silence. Then he says he doesn't know if she's the one and I could be the one. That the relationship is stable to the extent that he's sitting in the car with me. I wouldn't think of an ISTP even using the expresssion "the one." Sounds more NF to me.
    Hi =)
    My boyfriend is an ISTP/IxTP, and I know what you mean. When we first started dating and he used expressions like "making love" and "taken with you" and that sort of thing, I was convinced he was an NF for a very misguided week or so. But keep in mind that in relationships IxTPs can tap into inferior Fe, which a very showy sort of function. Expressing so much emotion can also feel unnatural to them, so my theory is that they use things they know from novels and movies, which can result in adorably cheesy romantic sentiments. I'm no expert, this is just my opinion/what I've observed.
    Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness." ― Kurt Vonnegut

    ENFP. 7w6 – 4w3 – 1w9 sx/so. Aries. Dilettante. Overly anxious optimist.

  4. #4
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    This sounds like it has nothing to do with the ISTP type at all... he sounds like a sexual first in the enneagram and that's manifesting.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  5. #5

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    I don't think those points preclude his being an ISTP, but you say you know he's one because he got that result from a test? I'd take tests, even the official one, with a pinch of salt. If either of you are familiar enough with typology to be sure he's an ISTP, then he probably is; if not, explore a little.

    I'd mirror the point that he seems sx first.

    And I wish you well with your situation.

  6. #6
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    Doesn't sound ISTP to me. More like ISFP or INFP. Possibly even INTP (we can be quite romantic). An ISTP would be much more direct and much less hesitating, especially about sex. And yeah, tests aren't always reliable.

    Anyways, why is he afraid that sleeping together would ruin your intimate relationship? Does that mean his real desire is to sleep with you, and the intimacy is just an accident - a pleasant one but still an accident? That he'll no longer be interested in you once the deed is done? This seems like a question you should ask yourself - and ask him as well. Games are fun and all but honesty and directness is how you make progress.
    His relationship with his current girlfriend sounds like a dead-end. Marriage would be a major mistake if he feels more natural and intimate with you. Of course the danger is that you might just be infatuated to each other. What do you really have in common? Do you enjoy the same kind of activities and talks? Or do you simply engage in small talk most of the time?

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nales View Post
    Doesn't sound ISTP to me. More like ISFP or INFP. Possibly even INTP (we can be quite romantic). An ISTP would be much more direct and much less hesitating, especially about sex. And yeah, tests aren't always reliable.
    Don't deny that ISTPs don't have feelings. Your guy could be an Enneagram Sx 9 (that's probably piquing, as was mentioned above), and also dragging out his inferior (and romantic) ENFJ side (which really shows). If I were with an ENFJ like you, I might behave in very much the same way. Not every ISTP is unhesitating and direct (at least not all the time).

    There are few people who can really seem to click with an ISTP like an ENFJ can, and considering how uncommon ENFJs are (4-5% of the population at most), he seems to be taking a real shine to this relationship.

    Maybe your guy wants to or feels obliged to take it slow with you, despite that it's been a few months. Maybe if you reassure him it's OK to move on to the next step he'll play along.
    Thinkist: not optimist nor pessimist. I am primarily competent in the enneagram.
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    Ti-Se-Si-Ni-Te-Fi-Ne-Fe. I'm always questioning this, particularly the Si.
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  8. #8
    Senior Member Mal12345's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Komakino View Post
    I don't think those points preclude his being an ISTP, but you say you know he's one because he got that result from a test? I'd take tests, even the official one, with a pinch of salt. If either of you are familiar enough with typology to be sure he's an ISTP, then he probably is; if not, explore a little.

    I'd mirror the point that he seems sx first.

    And I wish you well with your situation.
    Instinctual type isn't the question, but being in love can and will bring out dormant instincts. So you have to consider how the person normally is, out of love, at work, going on vacation, everything possible, and not just during that period of feeling a love connection.
    "Everyone has a plan till they get punched in the mouth." Mike Tyson
    “Culture?” says Paul McCartney. “This isn't culture. It's just a good laugh.”

  9. #9
    Senior Member Mal12345's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    This sounds like it has nothing to do with the ISTP type at all... he sounds like a sexual first in the enneagram and that's manifesting.
    Or you could say that he is Sx last and right now it's manifesting. They are just instincts after all, and they do come and go.
    "Everyone has a plan till they get punched in the mouth." Mike Tyson
    “Culture?” says Paul McCartney. “This isn't culture. It's just a good laugh.”

  10. #10
    Senior Member Mal12345's Avatar
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    This ISTP doesn't want to have sex for fear of losing the romantic connection - how can you even say he is Sx-dom? Seriously?
    "Everyone has a plan till they get punched in the mouth." Mike Tyson
    “Culture?” says Paul McCartney. “This isn't culture. It's just a good laugh.”

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