I make friendly acquaintances very easily, but I don't make close/dear friends easily at all. It's fun to have a wide variety of people to chat with, watch movies with, share interesting information with, and yet stay comfortably distant from. But true friends, i.e. friends who are worth the effort of removing that emotional distance, take a lot of time to make.
Originally Posted by Porcelain Hearts
With one or two exceptions:
All your friends are different so what pattern is the existing trait between them all?
They don't think I'm intimidating, like some people do
They think I'm funny
They are kind, honest, and respectful people, and aren't jerks
We share key values (not politically, but morally; e.g. truthfulness, respect)
I know that I have their loyalty, if I need it
We're rarely at a loss of things to talk about
We're there for each other
If I open up to them, they'll be supportive <-- This is one of the most important to me
My closest friends:
ENFP female, 2w3: On previous threads I mistyped her as ENTP because she is so grounded and honest with everyone; one of the most no-bullshit people I have ever met. Because of her enneagram (I think?), she comes across as being cool, calm and in control, and because of her Te she always seems like she has a plan -- but that's a total lie. Anything she wants to do, she'll do, no matter what. There's almost no boundary between her impulses and her actions. As a result of this, she's convinced herself that she's "not meant for college" and has started a modeling career even though her eventual life goal involves pharmaceuticals and international health. It took me years and years to stop shaking my head incredulously at everything she does, and to accept her for who she is, but now that I have, she's a friend that I know I'll have for a lifetime.
INFJ male, probably 9w1: My longest-lasting friend, as I first met him in sixth grade (meaning we've been friends for 9 years now). He's an unfortunate victim of an under-disciplined and closed-minded household... meaning, he's afraid of new things, he's sensitive, he's supremely indecisive (common quote to girlfriend: "What should I have for lunch today?"), and, most importantly, he can't get his shit together. But thanks to being in a relationship with someone who helps him grow as a person, he's been actively trying to mature and gain self-discipline, enough to become mentally capable of returning to university and finishing a computer science degree. You may be saying to yourself "Why is EJCC friends with him?" and the answer is that he's the kindest, gentlest, and most loyal person I've ever met, and he is always surprising me with insights about people and about the world.
ENFJ male, 3w2: Training to be a psychologist, overcoming a traumatic childhood to become the only well-adjusted person in his family. Deep and cerebral (and the sort of person who can talk to someone nonstop for over five hours), but prone to extremely abrupt bouts of silliness. Kind of high-drama (which is the only reason why I don't wish I was dating him right now). I've talked about him a lot on this forum, in various places.
Other close friends that aren't quite close enough for me to call at 3am or cry around:
- Two snarky and sarcastic INTJ females (who don't know each other but would probably like each other) -- one is a budding artist, one is heading for law school in a year
- A raging idealist ENTJ female -- biology major, volunteers as a math tutor for underprivileged kids
- A sweet and kind (but totally hipster) INFx male 9w1
- A dry, no-frills, no-bullshit ISTJ -- math and physics major, might go into engineering
- Crazy INxP female who tests as INFJ -- also a math and physics major, and as unstructured and go-with-the-flow as my ENFP friend
- Several INFJ females
The INFJ male and ENFP female are in a committed, long-term relationship that has lasted about 5 years. The ENFP female has met the ENFJ male and they hit it off instantly. I think it's because we have all been unusually mature for our age, and that's why I get along so well with the two of them -- so it's only natural that they'd recognize immediately that they operate on the same (higher) wavelength.
Please, discuss the dynamic between your friends (or enemies, if you prefer).