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  1. #21
    Senior Member FunnyDigestion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qlip View Post
    What man likes to think of themselves as gentle, I wonder?
    I think of myself as gentle, & believe that it's a good thing to be. People are so overly concerned with weakness, with seeming weak. Pride is an illness, guys... gentleness is maturity, kindness, forebearance, etc. People like it. It should make you confident.
    RCUAI
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    "Man is free, but his freedom ceases when he has no faith in it."

  2. #22
    Senior Member Eckhart's Avatar
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    I agree @FunnyDigestion. No need to view yourself as an "aggressive" person when life for you is not just a constant dick measuring contest as it is for most people/men in this world.

  3. #23
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lark View Post
    Well in so far as its a by word for manners, courtesy and polite society, sure, not that metrosexual shit.
    Quote Originally Posted by FunnyDigestion View Post
    I think of myself as gentle, & believe that it's a good thing to be. People are so overly concerned with weakness, with seeming weak. Pride is an illness, guys... gentleness is maturity, kindness, forebearance, etc. People like it. It should make you confident.
    Quote Originally Posted by Eckhart View Post
    I agree @FunnyDigestion. No need to view yourself as an "aggressive" person when life for you is not just a constant dick measuring contest as it is for most people/men in this world.
    The dichotomy is really just useless. Aggressiveness and gentleness are better descriptions of actions and not men. Nobody is either gentle or aggressive as a person in total, and neither are they exclusive of each other. Vague descriptions are mostly just empty containers to fill in with your own personal meaning and judgments. Which isn't to mean that they aren't useful for internal dialog, but it makes communication difficult.

    When a person thinks of themselves as aggressive, it's usually an attitude of self-protection. A man who thinks of himself as gentle can mean a lot of things. It can mean that the person once considered himself an aggressor and now avoids his impulses to some degree, that a person avoids conflict at all costs, that a person likes to go about his life with minimal disruption to others. When a person thinks of somebody else as aggressive or gentle it can mean entirely different things for the same person.

  4. #24
    Senior Member FunnyDigestion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qlip View Post
    [..]
    I just think a lot of people get duped by the media & whatnot, into thinking there's something they need to be, which they're only not by virtue of some failure... I didn't think your post was pointing to that, but that's the idea I was responding to, since I see it so frequently in discussions like these, discussions involving masculinity & femininity & intelligence & what-all. Not that there's anything wrong with trying to be "more masculine" or "gentler" or anything else, but when people see that as means to some hidden end of life as imagined as a fighting video game or soemthing... I dunno..

    A lot of people seem hung up on some kind of biological reductionism, breaking everything down into competition for territory & mating partners & shit, & I really don't think that has too much to do with most people's lives these days. I'm not assuming you don't already know all this, I'm sure you do since you're smart (wow, now I just sound patronizing)... But I just think it's a shame when people mess themselves up worrying about all the ways they fall short of something that doesn't really exist. Because all the energy they could be spending on being themselves, & doing it to the best of their ability in order to do something that no one else could, instead they're using to figure out what this mystical magic person is, & then straining in vain to become that.

    i dunno... this issue's kind of a big can of worms for me. heh.
    RCUAI
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    "Man is free, but his freedom ceases when he has no faith in it."

  5. #25
    Klingon Warrior Princess Patches's Avatar
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    My ex was rather gentle, but he refused to consume alcohol because he got aggressive/violent when he drank. That kind of made me think there was some sort of latent aggression there. He always blamed it on being Irish.
    “Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside
    them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.” -Neil Gaiman

    ~

  6. #26
    Senior Member FunnyDigestion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Patches View Post
    My ex was rather gentle, but he refused to consume alcohol because he got aggressive/violent when he drank. That kind of made me think there was some sort of latent aggression there. He always blamed it on being Irish.
    Usually if there's something particularly troubling on my mind I'll get a bit belligerent, even if I was happy when I started... I'm semi-German though. When I visited Ireland, the drunks were happy as hell. But they were all old guys.
    RCUAI
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  7. #27
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Every person is capable of aggression where their triggers will differ. The question is, what are their negative triggers and how do you avoid them, if you don't want an aggressive response?

    Perhaps the answer isn't so much gentle men with side vents for aggression as one category, rather the discrete concept of the man.

  8. #28
    Level 8 Propaganda Bot SpankyMcFly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily flower View Post
    If you are a "gentle" man, or one who would be considered kind, thoughtful, etc.,
    Those who don't really "know" me might get that impression. I consider myself "regular" slightly on the kind side. I normally don't go around hosing people down with Fe though and engage in caretaking/empathy.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lily flower View Post
    ...do you find that you have aggressive fantasies...
    All the time! It's one of the ways I shed stress. I'd much rather think it than do it however. Too many consequences.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lily flower View Post
    ...or do things like play violent video games...
    At my last job I coped with work stress by coming home and playing an online FPS. Nothing destressed me like killing people online with friends.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lily flower View Post
    ...or is your internal life just as gentle as your outer life?
    If by internal you mean my inner dialogue which includes agressive fantasizing then the answer is no. (see also answer to question #2)

    All in all I'd say my outer life is much calmer than my inner life. If I did even a small portion of the crazy, stupid, weird s*** I think about I'd be; dead, in jail or in a padded room. I'm ok with that.

    Spanky McFly
    "The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents... Some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new Dark Age. " - H.P. Lovecraft

  9. #29
    Senior Member Evil Otter's Avatar
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    "gentle with aggressive undertones" and violent are two completely different things. You can be a controlled person and then be very passionate in the heat of things- if that's what your talking about then yes. But if you actually mean violent then no.

  10. #30
    ReflecTcelfeR
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    I'm torn between the two.

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