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How do I tell my INFP boyfriend I love him? (don't read details if it deters answer!)

thismessismine

New member
Joined
Oct 20, 2011
Messages
2
MBTI Type
ENFP
Instinctual Variant
so
We've been dating for 9 months. We get along spectacularly but never really talk about "mushy," sentimental, or romantic things... at the most, "I miss you," "You're the best," or "I can't wait to see you"'s are exchanged (we live an hour apart).

I've loved him since we had been together for maybe two months--like truly loved him. But we can both be kind of shy and afraid to make the next move. I know when we first got together, it was really hard for him to initiate anything physical without a little bit to drink first (not because he didn't like me, he was just nervous).

I'm having an equally hard idea trying to tell him "I love you" or even "I'm in love with you" (though I think the former will do just fine, b/c the latter sounds super dramatic, and I think with our great relationship he'll know I mean that I REEEEALLY love him). I'm 18 and he's 20. Yes, I'm young, but I am mature and truly don't fit in with almost anyone my age or younger.


PLEASE HELP! I'm so nervous that, no matter how/when I say it, he just won't receive it well. I'm his first girlfriend and I'm afraid he will be scared to hear "LOVE" for the first time. But I really want him to know. It's been nagging at me for 7 months, and I know the words themselves are not the most important part of love, but we already show it very much, and now I want to tell him... please, please help. Thank you.

OH! And I'm an ENFP.
 
A

Anew Leaf

Guest
We've been dating for 9 months. We get along spectacularly but never really talk about "mushy," sentimental, or romantic things... at the most, "I miss you," "You're the best," or "I can't wait to see you"'s are exchanged (we live an hour apart).

I've loved him since we had been together for maybe two months--like truly loved him. But we can both be kind of shy and afraid to make the next move. I know when we first got together, it was really hard for him to initiate anything physical without a little bit to drink first (not because he didn't like me, he was just nervous).

I'm having an equally hard idea trying to tell him "I love you" or even "I'm in love with you" (though I think the former will do just fine, b/c the latter sounds super dramatic, and I think with our great relationship he'll know I mean that I REEEEALLY love him). I'm 18 and he's 20. Yes, I'm young, but I am mature and truly don't fit in with almost anyone my age or younger.


PLEASE HELP! I'm so nervous that, no matter how/when I say it, he just won't receive it well. I'm his first girlfriend and I'm afraid he will be scared to hear "LOVE" for the first time. But I really want him to know. It's been nagging at me for 7 months, and I know the words themselves are not the most important part of love, but we already show it very much, and now I want to tell him... please, please help. Thank you.

OH! And I'm an ENFP.

:D

how about writing it out? maybe just keep it simple and sweet like: "just wanted to say i love you. c:"

odds are, he has been wanting to say it to you for a long time as well. Us INFPers... we can be kinda sneaky like that. :ninja:
 

Lark

Active member
Joined
Jun 21, 2009
Messages
29,569
:D

how about writing it out? maybe just keep it simple and sweet like: "just wanted to say i love you. c:"

odds are, he has been wanting to say it to you for a long time as well. Us INFPers... we can be kinda sneaky like that. :ninja:

Actually putting it in writing would be a good idea.

This is such a cutesy feelery thing, let us know how it all turns out :)
 

Matt_s

New member
Joined
May 18, 2011
Messages
77
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
I'm really surprised two young NFs in love can go so long without vocalizing it. I imagine he'll be relieved. There's a good chance he's been wondering the same thing. I'd venture that your actions toward one another have been expressing this unspoken love for a while. I'd just tell him. The right time won't come but a right time probably will.
 

chickpea

perfect person
Joined
Sep 12, 2009
Messages
5,729
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sp/sx
i'm sure he loves you too but he's too scared to say it first. i kinda feel like the first time you say it shouldn't be in writing. just say it when the time feels right.
 

thismessismine

New member
Joined
Oct 20, 2011
Messages
2
MBTI Type
ENFP
Instinctual Variant
so
Thanks for all of your help! I wasn't even sure if anyone would view this, let alone respond. I would love to tell him but I am just so NERVOUS about how it's all going to play out afterwards, like will it be awkward? Just due to the fact that we can both be shy, like I said (I know I'm an ENFP but on certain tests that indicate this, I always get 51% extroverted and 49% introverted so it's a close one).

I'd love to write it out and he's actually a writer... this is a good idea. I've considered it before but also thought it might be like "cheating" or "the easy way out," analagous somewhat to telling him over a text message or something lame like that. Thanks to all, though, this is helping me to work up the courage (or try!) to straight up tell him. :)
 
A

Anew Leaf

Guest
Aww I think it's sweet :)

Good luck on it and keep us posted! :wub:
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
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sx/sp
it'll probably make him ridiculously happy...he's probably a bit unsure of your feelings for him...like he knows how he feels and it seems like you feel the same but maybe it's just wishful thinking...maybe it means more to him than it does you...he might be afraid to scare you off by saying it. infps can be full of self doubt....just say it...don't write it. just say it the next time it pops in your head when you're together. :)
 

Elfboy

Certified Sausage Smoker
Joined
Nov 26, 2008
Messages
9,625
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
We've been dating for 9 months. We get along spectacularly but never really talk about "mushy," sentimental, or romantic things... at the most, "I miss you," "You're the best," or "I can't wait to see you"'s are exchanged (we live an hour apart).

I've loved him since we had been together for maybe two months--like truly loved him. But we can both be kind of shy and afraid to make the next move. I know when we first got together, it was really hard for him to initiate anything physical without a little bit to drink first (not because he didn't like me, he was just nervous).

I'm having an equally hard idea trying to tell him "I love you" or even "I'm in love with you" (though I think the former will do just fine, b/c the latter sounds super dramatic, and I think with our great relationship he'll know I mean that I REEEEALLY love him). I'm 18 and he's 20. Yes, I'm young, but I am mature and truly don't fit in with almost anyone my age or younger.


PLEASE HELP! I'm so nervous that, no matter how/when I say it, he just won't receive it well. I'm his first girlfriend and I'm afraid he will be scared to hear "LOVE" for the first time. But I really want him to know. It's been nagging at me for 7 months, and I know the words themselves are not the most important part of love, but we already show it very much, and now I want to tell him... please, please help. Thank you.

OH! And I'm an ENFP.

do you guys ever watch movies together? why not cuddle up with a blanket, have some hot chocolate and enjoy a movie together :)
then all you have to do is ask him "can I give you a hug?" and then you give him a big, long, affectionate hug. he's an INFP, he'll love that, trust me :D
PS: dating a 20 year old guy when you're 18 is not unusual at all.
 

Lily flower

New member
Joined
Jun 28, 2010
Messages
930
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INFJ
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2
You know, sometimes the best way to do it is to not make a big production out of it. For example, you could just say it when you end a phone conversation, like " I love you! See you tomorrow!" Then it's not as scary to either person.
 

Jack427

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Sep 25, 2011
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Cuddle, look him in the eyes and say " I love you. ". I know I would LOVE having that happen to me.
 

Oaky

Travelling mind
Joined
Jan 15, 2009
Messages
6,180
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Make it a halloween gift.
aKe2I.gif
 

mujigay

Intergalactic Badass
Joined
Jun 9, 2011
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532
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It doesn't have to be a big production. In fact, I think if you bothered planning the perfect moment to out with it, it might make you overly-nervous.

The next time you two are having together-time, and he says or does something that is indicative of the reasons that you love him, just say "I love you." Because you'll mean it. Simple as that.
 

animenagai

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Aug 22, 2008
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Just call to say 'I love you'. Just call to tell him that you care.
 

Emms

New member
Joined
Nov 10, 2011
Messages
1
MBTI Type
ENFP
So I basically joined this forum so I could respond to this thread. Your relationship when it was two months old basically sounds exactly the same as mine is now. We're also far apart--depending on where each of us is living at the time (it changes) it could be anywhere from an hour and a half to nine hours away. We're both shy, though I think I'm a bit more open than you are. We've been together about two months, and I'm thinking of the words "I love you." We're each other's first serious relationship, and I'm also afraid of freaking him out and scaring him by telling him so. And, here's the kicker, I'm an ENFP with INFP tendencies, and he's an INFP, just like you guys. The only difference is that I think we can be a bit mushier than how you describe yourselves. NFPs, yeah...

I'd really like to know what the outcome of this thread was, if anything has progressed yet. I go back and forth between telling him I love him relatively soon or waiting a while till we've been together longer so as not to unnerve him. We're facing a possible two month separation starting around Christmas (ugh, I don't want to think about it) and I can't decide whether I want to tell him before or after. Whether it would be good to leave him with that over the separation, or wait and see how it all plays out and till I'm even more sure of my feelings. I'm not sure.

Sorry if it seems like I'm hijacking this thread, and we can transfer this to a PM if it's more appropriate, I'm just really curious as to how your situation is playing out.

Oh, and just for reference, I'm 23 and he'll be 23 in December.
 

Adasta

New member
Joined
Oct 20, 2010
Messages
393
MBTI Type
INFP
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4w5
Here's my response before reading your post:

Give him a big ENFP cuddle and tell him, out of all the people you know (which will be somewhere in the 1000s), he is your favourite of all. Tell him you love him and that being around him makes you feel different in a good way. Tell him what he does that makes you feel this way. I think I would quite like that.

Here's my response after reading your post:

Same as above. Just remember that INFPs need to know we're the top of your hit list. It makes us seem arrogant, but really we're very scared of being the worst - worst boyfriend, worst friend, worst staff member - anything.
 
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