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  1. #11
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    I'm 42 and I'm finding life more challenging than ever as well. Except maybe it was more challenging when I was a kid, emotionally, but I just didn't have all the responsibilities on top of it like I do now.

    I wonder if mid-life is naturally like that, what with 'mid-life crises' and all that. Like maybe it is a time for real change, a chance to go a new way, and to do that one must pull in and away fromt he world for a time, regroup, then go a different direction, which naturally will be harder in the beginning. ?
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  2. #12
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
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    I'm 32 and I'm generally optimistic, less so I think than I was, say, maybe between five and seven years ago when I started my professional working life (as opposed to all the different jobs I had just to gain experience or make money) but that is probably just a result of realising that my job isnt going to supply as much satisfaction as it once did or as I once hoped it would. Still I'm pretty optimistic about life generally and pretty stoic when I encounter set backs.

    I guess getting a steady job which was in line with my interests and outlook was a major goal, albeit a little unconscious, at least in terms of the line of work I'm presently in but that's worked out better than I would have predicted. I dont have answers to the other questions because I'm still searching for answers myself, its always made sense to me that you shouldnt give yourself too much heartache though, others will be more than prepared to do that for you and also if you develop a love of books/reading you'll hardly ever be stuck for a distraction or lonely.

  3. #13
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily flower View Post
    Please tell us your general age group (under 20, 20's, 30's, 40's etc.)
    Early 40's.

    And then tell us how you perceive life.
    Do you think life is easy/hard, a struggle?
    My life frankly was a bitch for many many years, and I never realized how much until I changed my life and then looked back and realized what a trudge it had been for me both in childhood and as an adult trying to maintain an untenable situation. It was horrifically painful. I feel like I lost some years in the middle, things were so bad for me. But now I think life is wonderful, even if I never accomplish anything "hugely successful" in this world -- just continue to work, eventually retire, do my thing, spend time with people I love and enjoy, and then eventually die. Life is good, life is tasty, life is a joy.

    Do you feel like you have a lot of control over how your life goes?
    There is a lot in life that we cannot totally control. However, we can definitely choose how we face anything that happens to us; and when something is something we just cannot tolerate, then we have the ability to change it. It might cost us a great deal in order to make that change, but I think that large life changes are very possible. We just have to know what we most want, and what is worth sacrificing in order to get it.

    Have you found a specific outlook towards life that helps you a lot? (for example, you have learned that perseverence is the key to success or that tolerance is the key to relationships).
    Well, tolerance has worked well for me -- adaptability is a natural instinct that I think is very very useful. However, sometimes adaptability can leave you trapped in a bad situation that you should be working to change.

    I think perseverance is underrated. There is a LOT that can be achieved if you just don't quit. You don't even need an elegant solution. I have seen so many people pursue something inelegantly, and basically achieve success because of brute force and repetition. Also, a lot of things can be resolved simply by breaking down the problem into components, then solving each little piece; the solution doesn't have to be ingenuous, a lot of it's just grunt work. You break down the problem and then work the issues until they're dead and done, and you can eventually get anywhere -- to put it another way, you climb a mountain by taking one small step after another until you reach the top, nothing fancy about it.

    Building relationships even on casual levels also can achieve a lot; opportunities open up when you know enough people. People cannot offer you opportunities when they don't even know you exist or what you care about; but when they do, you'd be amazed at what doors might open.

    In life, you also need to take risks. The majority of people can't achieve anything of value without staking something on it and investing in trying to get it.

    Finally, there is a personal element in happiness. Each of us is different, but there are things that leave us content, happy, and feeling good about our lives, and so we can pursue those things. It's not always articulatable, it's not always rational, but you have to honor those personal needs. Figure out what leaves you feeling alive and content, and then do it. Don't waste your life trying to make everyone else happy besides yourself or trying to live out their dreams, if they don't coincide with yours. You need to be happy with your own life, regardless of what anyone else thinks about it.

    Do you have goals in your life that you think you will achieve or are your goals out of reach?
    I dunno. I don't think goals are "out of reach," I think we can always pursue goals, and actually there is joy in the journey of that pursuit, even if we never get to the end. Endings can sometimes be a let-down, anyway. And what you reach one dream, does life end? No, we just pick another dream to pursue.

    I still hope to publish some music someday; finish at least one novel; climb a mountain; and find love / remarry.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  4. #14
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Early 40's.



    My life frankly was a bitch for many many years, and I never realized how much until I changed my life and then looked back and realized what a trudge it had been for me both in childhood and as an adult trying to maintain an untenable situation. It was horrifically painful. I feel like I lost some years in the middle, things were so bad for me. But now I think life is wonderful, even if I never accomplish anything "hugely successful" in this world -- just continue to work, eventually retire, do my thing, spend time with people I love and enjoy, and then eventually die. Life is good, life is tasty, life is a joy.



    There is a lot in life that we cannot totally control. However, we can definitely choose how we face anything that happens to us; and when something is something we just cannot tolerate, then we have the ability to change it. It might cost us a great deal in order to make that change, but I think that large life changes are very possible. We just have to know what we most want, and what is worth sacrificing in order to get it.



    Well, tolerance has worked well for me -- adaptability is a natural instinct that I think is very very useful. However, sometimes adaptability can leave you trapped in a bad situation that you should be working to change.

    I think perseverance is underrated. There is a LOT that can be achieved if you just don't quit. You don't even need an elegant solution. I have seen so many people pursue something inelegantly, and basically achieve success because of brute force and repetition. Also, a lot of things can be resolved simply by breaking down the problem into components, then solving each little piece; the solution doesn't have to be ingenuous, a lot of it's just grunt work. You break down the problem and then work the issues until they're dead and done, and you can eventually get anywhere -- to put it another way, you climb a mountain by taking one small step after another until you reach the top, nothing fancy about it.

    Building relationships even on casual levels also can achieve a lot; opportunities open up when you know enough people. People cannot offer you opportunities when they don't even know you exist or what you care about; but when they do, you'd be amazed at what doors might open.

    In life, you also need to take risks. The majority of people can't achieve anything of value without staking something on it and investing in trying to get it.

    Finally, there is a personal element in happiness. Each of us is different, but there are things that leave us content, happy, and feeling good about our lives, and so we can pursue those things. It's not always articulatable, it's not always rational, but you have to honor those personal needs. Figure out what leaves you feeling alive and content, and then do it. Don't waste your life trying to make everyone else happy besides yourself or trying to live out their dreams, if they don't coincide with yours. You need to be happy with your own life, regardless of what anyone else thinks about it.



    I dunno. I don't think goals are "out of reach," I think we can always pursue goals, and actually there is joy in the journey of that pursuit, even if we never get to the end. Endings can sometimes be a let-down, anyway. And what you reach one dream, does life end? No, we just pick another dream to pursue.

    I still hope to publish some music someday; finish at least one novel; climb a mountain; and find love / remarry.

    I love this post, Jennifer...
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    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

    songofmary.wordpress.com


  5. #15
    Senior Member ICUP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AphroditeGoneAwry View Post
    I love this post, Jennifer...
    Good explanations.

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  6. #16
    You're fired. Lol. Antimony's Avatar
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    I'll have a video up shortly, friends. Because typing is too much work.

    Video: Perceptions on life
    Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?

    Always reserve the right to become smarter at a future point in time, for only a fool limits themselves to all they knew in the past. -Alex

  7. #17
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    I'm 25 and probably too young to notice any meaningful changes in my life - feels exactly the same as when I was 5 or 6. Like, the earth still rotates in the same amount of time, seasons are more or less evenly spaced, there have not been big eruptions or fractures in continents, and it will take quite a long time for the sun to become a supernova. I have terribly little control over my life from a universal perspective, I can't even leave the earth, and so many things I could / want to do are almost physically unachievable. But I don't mind it.

    As you can see, I'm terribly extraverted and thinking so I don't consider personal attitudes as meaningful changes in one's life...
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  8. #18
    Senior Member Eckhart's Avatar
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    Please tell us your general age group (under 20, 20's, 30's, 40's etc.)
    I am 21.

    Do you think life is easy/hard, a struggle?
    I think that greatly depends on the individual, its "fate" and how the individual itself views things. Personally I perceive life as hard and a struggle most of the time.

    Do you feel like you have a lot of control over how your life goes?
    Not much / not enough.

    Have you found a specific outlook towards life that helps you a lot? (for example, you have learned that perseverence is the key to success or that tolerance is the key to relationships).
    I try to only invest myself emotionally into things which are really relevant or which interest me at least. I try not to care about all the silly things some people seem to think are important but which are without meaning to me. I don't make myself a slave of society by trying to create a perfect curriculum vitae for job applications (even though I am studying), I don't stress myself from one activity to another etc., I try to not go with the extreme speed and stress the people seem to put themselves in. I will see how it will turn out.

    Do you have goals in your life that you think you will achieve or are your goals out of reach?
    I have no clearly defined goals, but some idea of things which I would like to achieve. Most of them seem out of reach at the moment, but I didn't give up hope yet.

  9. #19
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    I'm in my 30's.

    Do you think life is easy/hard, a struggle?

    Life can be easy, but it *should* be hard. If it's not, it means you aren't trying.

    Do you feel like you have a lot of control over how your life goes?

    I have ultimate control at certain times and other times I have none at all, it's all about telling the difference and moving when the opportunity presents.

    Have you found a specific outlook towards life that helps you a lot? (for example, you have learned that perseverence is the key to success or that tolerance is the key to relationships).

    Patience is really an amazing tool. Otherwise I find it helps that I just make the most of the journey.

    Do you have goals in your life that you think you will achieve or are your goals out of reach?

    My goals sound modest, but are actually very ambitious; I ultimately want to be happy. People who set out to become rock stars and moguls sometimes achieve their goals, but still don't have what I'm looking for.

  10. #20
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily flower View Post
    Please tell us your general age group (under 20, 20's, 30's, 40's etc.)
    33

    And then tell us how you perceive life.
    Do you think life is easy/hard, a struggle?
    I think it is any of the above, depending on what situation you find yourself in. I think it's unwise - and incorrect - to apply a blank label like 'easy' or 'hard' to life as a whole, because it's simply not true when covering it as a whole. We all go through phases and events, some of which are joyful and effortless and we're in a rhythm, and other phases where we're unhappy, confused, and facing difficult issues.

    Do you feel like you have a lot of control over how your life goes? Have you found a specific outlook towards life that helps you a lot? (for example, you have learned that perseverence is the key to success or that tolerance is the key to relationships).
    Yes, actually I do. I am wholly in control of the choices I make given the opportunities and resources that I have. I am also in control of working to improve my state at any time, no matter what level I am dissatisfied or hurting in - whether it's the tangible, such as job/living situation/whatever, or the intangible, and it's my happiness level associated with relationships, my own endeavors, or the like. And, I'm in control of how I react and respond to what is before me. I think whenever we are dissatisfied with some element of our life, we can either make active changes to move in a direction we'd prefer, we can remove ourselves from the situation entirely if it's not to our liking, or we can adjust our perception of the situation so as to no longer be dissatisfied. I'm not one to just sit in a state of dissatisfaction - I need to either change it, or change myself. And if neither is possible, then I need to accept whatever it is, let it go, and move on. If nothing can be done, there's no usefulness, emotionally/mentally, to keep dwelling on it.

    However, there's also the necessary qualifier that it's essential to really integrate the fact - the reality - that we are not in control of what others do, we're not in control of external circumstances and more large-scale decisions that impact nations or whatnot, and we're not in control of natural disasters and the like which impact us -- this too though is part of what I consider 'Life' - Life is about this discord and this element of hundreds of billions of little pieces in the world going on at the same time, doing their own thing, acting of their own way according to physics and weather patterns and the like.... and we're part of this world, so part of this 'chaos' / uncertainty, if you will.

    Do you have goals in your life that you think you will achieve or are your goals out of reach?
    I think I can achieve anything I put my mind to, within reason. I've never had lofty goals -- 'lofty' in the sense that they're utterly unrealistic and there's no way given my personality or my means that I'd ever achieve it (and frankly it's a moot point because everything I have desired thus far HAS been within the realm of possibility). But I think there's a lot of empowerment in what we do have and what we can do with what we have, given the strength and determination to pursue it. I think there's also a lot that can be done that people think can't be done, because they haven't given thought to adjusting priorities or the fact that some things have to slip in order to get to a certain result. i.e. you don't have to make enormous amounts of money to travel the world.. I went to the greek isles for 22 days many years ago, on a salary of about 33K. Having the will to do something, and recognizing that sacrifices / temporary unpleasantness might need to be faced to reach the ultimate more longterm vision, is the bulk of the battle. Also recognizing that life in fact is not by definition easy, and to think it is is going to bring you into a world more of pain than if you recognize that some elements of life suck, and that's just the way it is. There are also elements of life that are absolutely beautiful and amazing. Good with the bad, pain with the joy.

    It also takes facing fears, taking risks, and getting out of your comfort zone. Many of the biggest changes I have made in my life - for the better - have involved all of these. It's been necessary to get out of my comfort zone and take risks, and become more comfortable with the Unknown. More comfortable with uncertainty. That's probably the biggest life lesson I've learned thus far.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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