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Thread: Fe Fakeness

  1. #561
    Glycerine
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zarathustra View Post
    Yeah, I can see this being the case.

    But the point still stands that an emotion is experienced and then pushed aside/supplanted/what not.

    The Fi-user is like, "I wouldn't push aside/supplant that emotion, but I can tell you are, and that's fake."

    I have actually dealt with sort of thing a lot with both Fi users and Fe users... I blame it on social conditioning partially...."it's bad to express negative thoughts/emotions"...

  2. #562
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    Fi always sounds really easily confused to me. Fi seems like (from reading here) that unless you are extremely literal and practically pantomiming and acting out very broadly so that anyone speaking any language would be able to easily understand you, you are being fake. There's a lack of subtle discernment that drives me a little crazy. "I can tell because my super-refined feelings tell me so that you are not happy, you are actually something else! Because you are not acting the something else out at the moment, therefore you are FAKE!" Well, if you can tell it, why does it have to be acted out for you, too? It's like Fi is frustrated because they can't see something. They have a vague sense of something but they can't see it, and you have to make it really big for them so they won't have any doubt in their minds about what they're getting. Otherwise, they are suspicious of you. Like somehow unable to process more than one signal at a time and really easily confused.
    And we'd just say that we prefer people who are authentic.

    We think that wasting time and effort on untruth is (usually) a waste.


  3. #563
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    I don't think anybody is out to waste time and effort on untruth. But Fi needs such an unambiguous signal it's like it's nearly deaf.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Glycerine View Post
    I have actually dealt with sort of thing a lot with both Fi users and Fe users... I blame it on social conditioning partially...."it's bad to express negative thoughts/emotions"...
    Yeah, I do think this comes down to degrees.

    I think everyone does it, to a certain extent.

    Fe users just do it a lot more.

    EDIT: As certain people have already said, Fi doms and auxs have their own form of this as well, though. So I think sometimes, in social situations, they try to mask their distaste for others a bit as well; I just don't think it's as often or as overt as many Fe-heavy users; I also think they do it largely (but not entirely) for different reasons.

    EDIT2: Even TJs, the weakest Fe-users, do this a bit. But, usually (not always, though), it's Te mimicking Fe. And, interestingly enough, it's for very similar reasons: expediency, efficiency, keeping the imperative on track. It's just, the imperative is usually a bit different than Fe users' imperative(s). At times this will become blatantly obvious, when a Te imperative (need for truth to be stated) completely overrides anything that could possibly resemble an Fe imperative (social harmony).

  5. #565
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I think that Fe tends to weigh the impact of that negative emotion on those around them, the objective at hand, and whether expressing it will result in any more positive outcome. If it seems that expressing it will have a detrimental or nonproductive effect at that point in time, it may be put aside until there is a better time to process and deal with it. I don't think Fe users see that as pretending or being fake, but rather that they are trying to show consideration for those around them or for the importance of the task at hand.

    In addition, I don't think that passing emotions are something that Fe users see as a defining part of themselves - emotions are transient, need to be sorted through to figure out what is spawning them, various weighting needs to be assigned to each of them, some time may be required to let them settle, more information may need to be factored in and so on. It all takes time and a lot of energy to do, so I may put it aside until I felt I could do a proper job of it. At least in my case, I would consider HOW I perform something or not letting people down a much more integral part of my identity than my emotions at that time.

    Where it trips up sometimes is that Fe users can underestimate the intensity of what they are feeling and how it may influence their judgement or how well they are coping. Sometimes it doesn't occur to them that in an attempt to avoid imposing on others or drawing attention to themselves, they are actually creating more "noise" for others that is distracting if they are to work together and unintentionally inconveniencing those around them. I'm not sure about SFJ flavoured Fe, but the NFJ Fe users I know seem embarrassed then when an emotional response bursts through in a venue which they deem inappropriate or in front of people they don't feel comfortable being vulnerable with.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    I don't think anybody is out to waste time and effort on untruth. But Fi needs such an unambiguous signal it's like it's nearly deaf.
    And we think you guys spend a lot of time and effort masking the truth.

    And this masking "tastes" bad to us. It literally makes us recoil in disgust.

    When I see someone being authentic, on the other hand: refreshing.

  7. #567
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    It hurts our feelings when you recoil in disgust. You Fi people are unfeeling and insensitive. You must die.

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    *Sees multiple possibilities for what you're trying to accomplish with that statement, but not quite sure how you really feel.*

    *Te imperative tells to laugh, just to keep things (truth-finding) going.*

  9. #569
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I don't see any reason to show annoyance and create possibly longlasting bad feeling if the problem was simply due to a factor such as me feeling tired, or lacking enough information, or needing to bounce my perspective off of someone I trust. I realize that Fi users seem a lot more self-sufficient in that sense, but I believe Fe really does need both time and that kind of mirroring for whether their perceptions are valid before they wish to take action.

    To me that is not masking, because it's not that I want to indefinately stave off addressing my emotions. For me, it's usually borne out of a desire to be fair and reasonable. If I said the unedited version of my thoughts most times without a period of reflection or observation, I would most definitely hurt and rile up most of the Fi users I interact with. And what purpose would it have served? None, from my perspective.

    It's also become apparent to me in a bunch of the Fe/Fi threads that Fe feels it's pointless to express something just for the sake of expressing it. Usually there is an objective in doing so. That's why it seemed incomprehensible at first to me on here that occasionally when a Fi user had a big public outburst that caused a bru-haha, there wasn't an envisioned plan of action or desired outcome, or the one presented seemed rather idealistic and inachievable. In short, I was looking for productive solutions so there was no longer a problem, while they were looking for authenticity and felt the need to be true to themselves and air out their feelings and call a spade a spade (probably said very offensively and clumsily here, but that's kind of what I took away from it).

  10. #570
    Ginkgo
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zarathustra View Post
    That's a very ambiguous statement.
    Well, let's say you're talking with an Fe'r, right? They lie. If you have a head on your shoulders, you might sense the truth that they lie, or at the very least, the truth that they have said what they said. If you're deterred by them, there is a reason, correct? Would you be deterred in ignorance? I doubt it.

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