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Thread: Fe Fakeness

  1. #431
    Glycerine
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    @Giggly.... no you turned to the dark side.

  2. #432
    Glycerine
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    Quote Originally Posted by senza_tema View Post
    In my experience, much of @uumlau's post seems to apply to ENFJs as well, in the sense that they also get offended if they realise you're not paying attention to them and that they also emphasize the importance of reciprocity. What they expect in terms of reciprocity is slightly more loosely defined because they seem to make some allowances for different thought and communication styles. In my experience, that can possibly be even more invasive, especially when they're trying to extract ideas from you that haven't fully matured yet. Being able to draw those sorts of revelations out from others seems to be a very important part of their self-validation, so being persistently cagy can leave them feeling slighted, especially if they're close to you.
    guilty.... reciprocation is key for me. If people aren't close to me, I couldn't give a rat's ass though. Not in a guilt trip-y sort of way by any means but since I try to give my full attention to the other person, I sort of expect it back from them... if I actually care about them (I'm only close to 1.5 people.... LOLZ). I am not sure about the self-validation thing on my part. Can you please elaborate on that?

  3. #433
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orobas View Post
    Awww, thanks for understanding-that is more than enough honestly. I also think, as you noted, that we can be senstive to others, without really understanding why, and not fall into some of these I spent about five years with an ISFJ as an office mate and she was so different from me, but also really wonderful. In retrospect, some of the differences could have been pedicted by the Fi/Fe divide, but I always ignored tham as individual preferences, and loved her all the same for being a beautiful person. In the same way, she really loved me and would give me advice, but it never felt hurtful. I suspect she held back at times, ignoring little things I did that were annoying as they were just "me". Without any silly theory, we could just sort of co-exist and care for each other...

    Additionally, as much as we bemoan the hurts we feel at Fe, the Fi folks do things that hurt our FJ and TP friends very often, although we dont realize it at the time-we tend to neglect those continous emo bonds and invalidate the Fe values you guys hold as valued, since we dont always understand them. My entp often share how loist she feels when trying to live in a house of ISTJs-she cant find the emotional connection she needs. She has been my primary motivation fro learning Fe skills as I want to give her the type of emotional interaction that she needs from our friendship...lol, but it is so funny at times as it is like trying to speak spanish.
    You're a sweetheart.
    I guess all we can do is keep working on it. It helps a lot when there are two willing people instead of just one or none.

    Quote Originally Posted by Glycerine View Post
    @Giggly.... no you turned to the bad side.
    Nu uh. Fe 4 lyfe.
    I posted about what I understand. There are still things I don't understand.

    Quote Originally Posted by Glycerine View Post
    guilty.... reciprocation is key for me. If people aren't close to me, I couldn't give a rat's ass though. Not in a guilt trip-y sort of way by any means but since I try to give my full attention to the other person, I sort of expect it back from them... if I actually care about them. I am not sure about the self-validation thing on my part. Can you please elaborate on that?
    I think they get upset that reciprocation is expected when it wasn't their idea in the first place (at least for the husbands and ex husbands). I get the feeling that they don't really need that sort of attention, and therefore, don't want to be saddled with the expectation to give that sort of attention, and worse, be blamed when they aren't giving it. It wasn't their idea because they probably don't value that anyway and they show that they care in a completely different way, and wish for the difference to be acknowledged and accepted.

    the funny thing is, my INTJ did like attention but not necessarily an excessive amount or he'd grow uncomfortable, but what he liked even more was giving me his full attention and he would get upset with me if I DIDN'T ramble on endlessly about my day and harass me to do it more if I didn't have much to say.

  4. #434
    Glycerine
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    @Giggly: hmmm.... interesting. Are we talking about reciprocating in a general sense or for specific instances of emotional bonding? I bet there are some gender differences here too. I could see myself in Senza's description for describing the dynamic between me and a couple people but my ESFJ dad could care less about that stuff.

  5. #435
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Glycerine View Post
    @Giggly: hmmm.... interesting. Are we talking about reciprocating in a general sense or for specific instances of emotional bonding? I bet there are some gender differences here too.
    I thought there might be gender differences too but I'm really not sure, considering that such a large percentage of females are Fe users. I'm not sure what female Fi users are like. Maybe they don't do that. I don't know.

    I would think that an Fe user would consider mutually connecting under any circumstances with a mate part of emotional bonding as well. So it follows that if you're not "sharing", then you're overriding an opportunity to emotional bond in her mind.

    When you disagree, she might take that as an erosion of the bond (assuming there is a bond in the first place) and overreact, thinking something valuable between you two has been lost.

  6. #436
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    That doesn't sound very Fe.
    True but it sounds very ESFJ.

  7. #437
    ThatGirl
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    Why did an icy icy chill just run down my spine?

  8. #438
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    Why did an icy icy chill just run down my spine?
    I don't know, why?

    Quote Originally Posted by Redbone View Post
    True but it sounds very ESFJ.
    I read your earlier post in this thread and I also remember your other response about your ex in my thread about... whatever the heck that thread was about. I'm curious, did you ever feel close to your ex?

  9. #439
    ThatGirl
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    I don't know, why?

  10. #440
    Glycerine
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    I thought there might be gender differences too but I'm really not sure, considering that such a large percentage of females are Fe users. I'm not sure what female Fi users are like. Maybe they don't do that. I don't know.

    I would think that an Fe user would consider mutually connecting under any circumstances with a mate part of emotional bonding as well. So it follows that if you're not "sharing", then you're overriding an opportunity to emotional bond in her mind.

    When you disagree, she might take that as an erosion of the bond (assuming there is a bond in the first place) and overreact, thinking something valuable between you two has been lost.
    ok, I don't relate to this thing you call "emotional bonding". I fail the Fe-domhood. enneagram 5 FTW.... haha, not really.... I typically feel uncomfortable.

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