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  1. #1
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    Default Types and social skills

    I have had a total revelation in the last 2 days, thanks to some of the posts on here. It may be old news to all of you, but to me it's new. I used to think that social skills were on a continuum - you had a lot of them, or few of them, etc.

    Now I am realizing that people can possess fantastic social skills in one area, but poor social skills in another. For instance, a sociopath can charm people, but does not have compassion. As an INFJ, I am great at listening to people's problems, but I am not good at initiating getting together or calling someone on the phone. An ENFJ friend of mine is wonderful at people's problems, at making you feel like a million dollars, but bad at follow up or close relationships.

    So - tell me about your type and your social skills. How are you good and bad? Or tell me about a type you know well.

  2. #2
    libtard SJW chickpea's Avatar
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    i'm kind to people, i don't pressure them to do anything they don't want to do or push my opinions on them, i'm accepting of people's differences and i can make people laugh.

    like you i'm awful at initiating anything though. i'm shy and not a good planner so i feel like i'm usually just along for the ride in group situations.

  3. #3
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    I am good at:

    - getting to know complete strangers
    - making a very introverted person feel comfortable both one-on-one and in a group
    - giving attention to a romantic interest
    - taking the initiative with friends when they respond well

    I am bad at:

    - not arguing with people (being diplomatic)
    - keeping in touch with friends whom i've gotten out of touch
    - being friends with people when we have strongly diverging opinons
    - anything that requires being passive, really.

    In this realm I think I'm a stereotypical ExTx type.

    A type I know well - ISFJ (both my mother and my girlfriend).

    Good:

    - being conversational with someone they know well
    - giving practical help to friends-lovers-family members
    - dissolving disagreements (when they feel like it)
    - getting along / empathizing with "difficult" people (ill, mentally sick, etc.)

    Bad:

    - making an introverted person feel comfortable
    - being comfortable in a group of people they don't know well
    - understanding your POV when they don't feel like it
    - making themselves look cool and great in the eyes of other people (which I find cute, but I know it has an adverse effect)
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  4. #4
    ReflecTcelfeR
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    I can read and control minds...

    I can't keep friends for very long.

  5. #5
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    good at:
    - gathering people
    - making people feel comfortable, being very accepting
    - empowering people, cheering others up
    - noticing and focusing on what is important to people
    - leading groups for a short period of time
    - keeping in touch
    - flirting

    bad at:
    - dealing with interpersonal conflict
    - staying on track in conversation, always being "appropriate"
    - mobilizing others towards an undisclosed agenda
    - dealing with people who are attracted to me who i am not attracted to
    - being the primary leader for a sustained period of time
    - dealing with anyone when i am angry

  6. #6
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily flower View Post
    Social skills
    What are social skills? I haven't heard the term before. Does it have anything to do with going outdoors?
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  7. #7
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    In all seriousness, I think the social realm is a strange paradox for INTP's. On one hand, we have the ability to be very good at it with Fe and Ne. The ability is there and people see glimpses of it - even I surprise myself sometimes when I get glimpses of it. Those 2 functions combine to make a very, sort of "smooth" social ability. But, Ti and Si could literally get through an ice age without interacting with anyone. And Ti/Si (1st/3rd) tend to dominate Ne/Se (2nd/4th). And when we are in social settings around unfamiliar people, sometimes Ti and Si are trying to be in control and that doesn't work. If an INTP seems a bit awkward, he or she is probably listening to the Ti voice too much. Ti is good for when we're alone. But, when we seem more comfortable and smooth, it's because we've allowed Ne/Fe to take command of the spaceship - and the results are usually significantly better.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  8. #8
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Social skills are easy. Just follow the crowd, be PC, be inauthentic.

    Social skills are difficult. They don't align with my internal harmony needs.

  9. #9
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenaphor View Post
    be inauthentic.
    No can do. I find it nearly impossible to do this. It would be like getting up in front of a bunch of Midevil English and History scholars and trying to B.S. them as if I know what I'm talking about, when in fact I'm clueless. It just wouldn't work and I'd much rather just go up to the podium and say, "Sorry to disappoint you folks, but I know nothing about this subject so I'm going to sit back down and let one of you come up and talk. Thank you."
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  10. #10
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    In all seriousness, I think the social realm is a strange paradox for INTP's. On one hand, we have the ability to be very good at it with Fe and Ne. The ability is there and people see glimpses of it - even I surprise myself sometimes when I get glimpses of it. Those 2 functions combine to make a very, sort of "smooth" social ability. But, Ti and Si could literally get through an ice age without interacting with anyone. And Ti/Si (1st/3rd) tend to dominate Ne/Se (2nd/4th). And when we are in social settings around unfamiliar people, sometimes Ti and Si are trying to be in control and that doesn't work. If an INTP seems a bit awkward, he or she is probably listening to the Ti voice too much. Ti is good for when we're alone. But, when we seem more comfortable and smooth, it's because we've allowed Ne/Fe to take command of the spaceship - and the results are usually significantly better.
    i know a 40ish intp with great fe...he has been married to an esfj for 20+ years so i'm sure that helps...but i'm also thinking you just get better at it with age too...yeah?
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

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