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Types and social skills

Andy

Supreme High Commander
Joined
Nov 16, 2009
Messages
1,211
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Generally, I find it quite easy to get along with other people and keeping social interactions smooth and conflict free. I have to confess that this is at least in part because I'm not very interested in most people I meet - hence their opinions and beliefs don't bother me much.

I'm also good at being selectively oblivious, choosing which social cues to ignore when I feel like it and just making it look like I didn't notice. One time, two of my house mates started having sex with each other in secret. She was substantially older than him and they wanted to keep it all secret (for that and other reasons). I spent about three months pretending that I didn't know a thing about it.

I'm not very good at debating, once again because I don't really care whether anyone agrees with me or not, so I don't put much effort into it. I'm also terrible at meeting new people, which can rresult in me becoming rather isolated on occations.
 

Southern Kross

Away with the fairies
Joined
Dec 22, 2008
Messages
2,910
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
I used to say I have bad social skills because I am quite shy & a bit of a loner, but I really just have bad (what I call) "party" social skills.

I'm not good at:
- Making good first impressions because I am shy & awkward a first
- Initiating conversations & contact (via phone or whatever)
- Indicating personal interest in others right away (I come off a bit aloof)
- Adapting to the "norms" of the atmosphere, often appearing as strange in an oft-putting way (this can be from how I dress to my absent-minded demeanor)
- Carrying a conversation with new people, especially in a group setting
- Keeping in frequent contact with friends
- Planning social events or initiating plans with individual friends
- Articulating myself in simple, small talk (I seem awkward & rather dull)

I am good at:
- Getting along with different people - at work/school & mostly at home ;)
- Not having drama in my life, staying conflict-free most of the time
- Gaining respect/admiration from others over time
- Making others feel comfortable if I sense they aren't
- Understanding how others feel & accommodating their feelings when reasonable
- Listening to others & offering advice without being pushy
- One-on-one conversations, especially in depth emotional discussion
- Articulating complicated ideas/feelings
- Being patient in teaching/waiting for requests to be met
- Showing personal interest in people I am comfortable with
- Not insisting on my own way or some other set of roles; staying flexible
- Basic manners (ie. please & thank you)

I guess most of that comes down to interactions beyond the initial ones. In short, I am not socially charming, but I'm pretty good with established relationships.
This :yes:

I personally would add (and further clarify some of the above with regards to my own approach):

Bad at:
- selecting appropriate subject matters in conversation (my choices are often considered too boring, weird, random, or theoretical)
- stopping myself from rambling about subjects that interest me when people's eyes start to glaze over.
- networking/mingling
- remembering names and faces
- attentively listening to subject matters that bore me for more than a few minutes (eg. extended small talk, gossip, talk about 'things'). I often end up wandering off (mentally or physically), which is rather anti-social and probably, at times, rude.
- being smooth and urbane
- remembering to inquire about how specific things/events/people are going in someone's life. It makes me seem uncaring.

Good at:
- including others when they seem left out in group situations
- listening to people talk about their problems or things they really care about and supporting/affirming/sympathising with them
- recognising the preferences (likes/dislikes, communication styles etc) of others, particularly of those I know semi-well, and making an effort to accommodate them.
- treating people equally and with respect, regardless of how important or socially insignificant they are
- getting to the heart of the issue and spotting the central point/causes/motivators
 

Lily flower

New member
Joined
Jun 28, 2010
Messages
930
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
2
I'm good at:
-Interacting with people one-on-one
-Enthusiastically conversing one-on-one with people I know well
-Sometimes mirroring others
-Written communication (ha)
-Making people laugh (well, my friends and family, anyway xP)
-Being considerate, no matter who I'm interacting with. I avoid saying or doing things that I know will hurt others.

I'm not so good at:
-Using the telephone (a.k.a. the bane of my existence)
-Talking to strangers
-Talking to strangers on the telephone (ugh, it's the stuff of nightmares)
-Speaking up in groups with two or more other people. I often have trouble finding a "place" in a conversation, especially if everyone in the group is oblivious to my non-involvement.
-Expressing sympathy, but not for a lack of trying. I'm one of those people who frequently says "I'm sorry" to try to express sympathy, and is then reprimanded with something along the lines of "it's not your fault."
-Sometimes, I'm too frank (my mom would say "brutally honest")

I hate the telephone, too! I can socialize fairly well in real life, but using the telephone is torture.
 

Xenon

(blankpages)
Joined
Oct 5, 2009
Messages
832
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5
It's funny how a lot of introverts rank the phone as their least favourite communication method (and I do, as well). In terms of maintaining distance and limiting non-verbal cues, it's in between face-to-face communication and the newer forms of text communication (chatting/email/foruming/texting), but somehow it's more uncomfortable than both.
 

Such Irony

Honor Thy Inferior
Joined
Jul 23, 2010
Messages
5,059
MBTI Type
INtp
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
I'm good at:

Being kind and considerate. Treating others the way I'd like to be treated.

Giving useful advice in my areas of knowledge

Empathy

Accepting people for who they are

Thinking up interesting things to do or talk about but I may not share these unless I'm comfortable with you first.

Making my friends laugh



I'm bad at:

Sustaining conversation on a subject of little interest to me.

Not letting my mind wander off when someone is discussing a topic of little interest to me.

Can be slow to warm up or feel comfortable around new people.

Flirting

Sustaining a friendship over a long term. If I don't make a real effort my friendships tend to fade away with time.

I have a hard time feeling comfortable aroud very opinionated, forceful people

Picking up on some of the more subtle body language cues or interpreting them correctly

I don't always handle conflict with others constructively. Either I just withdraw or I get overly defensive.
 

FDG

pathwise dependent
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
Messages
5,903
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
7w8
I hate the telephone, too! I can socialize fairly well in real life, but using the telephone is torture.

I'm an E type but I hate the telephone too. Actually, I like better instant messaging: at least you can use emoticons to show what you're feeling, while I personally have no clue how to sustain a conversation on the phone which isn't purely informative. Ofc real life is the best.
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
This :yes:

I personally would add (and further clarify some of the above with regards to my own approach):

Bad at:
- selecting appropriate subject matters in conversation (my choices are often considered too boring, weird, random, or theoretical)
- stopping myself from rambling about subjects that interest me when people's eyes start to glaze over.
- networking/mingling
- remembering names and faces
- attentively listening to subject matters that bore me for more than a few minutes (eg. extended small talk, gossip, talk about 'things'). I often end up wandering off (mentally or physically), which is rather anti-social and probably, at times, rude.
- being smooth and urbane
- remembering to inquire about how specific things/events/people are going in someone's life. It makes me seem uncaring.

Good at:
- including others when they seem left out in group situations
- listening to people talk about their problems or things they really care about and supporting/affirming/sympathising with them
- recognising the preferences (likes/dislikes, communication styles etc) of others, particularly of those I know semi-well, and making an effort to accommodate them.
- treating people equally and with respect, regardless of how important or socially insignificant they are
- getting to the heart of the issue and spotting the central point/causes/motivators

Most of those apply to me as well.

However, one of my strengths is actually remembering to inquire about things in people's lives they've mentioned to me before though.

And I do remember faces pretty well, but can have a hard time placing a face when I see it in an entirely different context. Like, if a person is wearing different clothes & I run into them in a store instead of where I usually see them, and we're just casual acquaintances, there's a decent chance I won't be able to recall where I know them from (for at least a few minutes anyway). In these cases, I've carried on conversations wondering the whole time who the hell I am talking to.....
 

Southern Kross

Away with the fairies
Joined
Dec 22, 2008
Messages
2,910
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
And I do remember faces pretty well, but can have a hard time placing a face when I see it in an entirely different context. Like, if a person is wearing different clothes & I run into them in a store instead of where I usually see them, and we're just casual acquaintances, there's a decent chance I won't be able to recall where I know them from (for at least a few minutes anyway). In these cases, I've carried on conversations wondering the whole time who the hell I am talking to.....
Yeah, perhaps I should have said placing names with faces. I have the same problem with context and having conversations with people without knowing how I know them. It all becomes a secret detective mission to work it out :D. The worst thing is when they know my name and all sorts of things about me and I haven't a clue who they are - it makes me feel terribly guilty.

Actually, it sometimes happens to me on the phone too and with people I know really well. I have difficulty working out who the voice belongs to and have to pretend I know who it is for a few minutes before I work it out. I'm not sure if this is related though. You could say its the same problem with placing people out of context. Hey, I get confused about lots of people around here when they change their avatars.
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
You could say its the same problem with placing people out of context. Hey, I get confused about lots of people around here when they change their avatars.

And changing the name & avatar at the same time is just plain evil :dont:
I'm like, "who is this person with 3,000 posts that I've never seen before, and yet they are on my friend's list?"
 

Southern Kross

Away with the fairies
Joined
Dec 22, 2008
Messages
2,910
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
And changing the name & avatar at the same time is just plain evil :dont:
I'm like, "who is this person with 3,000 posts that I've never seen before, and yet they are on my friend's list?"
God, I reckon. And its positively cruel to confuse a naturally befuddled person. :unsure:
 

Inconnue

New member
Joined
Apr 29, 2011
Messages
59
MBTI Type
TiNe
Enneagram
5
I am generally good at understanding general social conventions and behaviours and determining quickly whether I'll be able to communicate with someone or should ignore them. I tend to be good at deducing how someone will react as well.

However, I am not good at making a good first impression, communicating properly and taking into consideration the feelings of other people even when I anticipate a reaction, I tend to fail at not provoking it.
I also take many things literally which infuriates people who think I am making fun of them or being picky about the meanings of things, they also think I'm playing stupid to irritate everyone. I can use sarcasm but often miss jokes and it leads to conflict.
I'm face blind and inattentive, sometimes Ijust don't see my friends in the streets or recognise them so people think I just don't care about them.

I'm pretty bad at using the theory I have in my head.

Not sure it's an iNTP thing though, perhaps because I'm too young.
 

Andy

Supreme High Commander
Joined
Nov 16, 2009
Messages
1,211
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
It's funny how a lot of introverts rank the phone as their least favourite communication method (and I do, as well). In terms of maintaining distance and limiting non-verbal cues, it's in between face-to-face communication and the newer forms of text communication (chatting/email/foruming/texting), but somehow it's more uncomfortable than both.

That's certainly an interesting observation and question. Perhaps it has something to do with projecting ones self, by which I mean making ones presence felt/getting a messsage across. It a text conversation it isn't necessary, as your thoughts are made plain to anyone who takes the time to read them, and face to face there all sorts of visual clues like body language and hand guestures tha can be used. However, all you have oveer the phone is your voice, and often you are required to speak at excessive volume just to be heard at all.

thoughts anyone?
 

iris.moon

New member
Joined
Jul 21, 2011
Messages
76
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
9w8
Good:
-Talking to people I know quite well
-Making shy people feel comfortable
-Avoiding conflicts, intermediating
-Truly interested in people
-Good at listening

Bad:
-Starting a conversation
-Meeting and talking to someone I don't know
-Dealing with people with disabilities
-I don't give a strong first impression
-I may be verbally bitchy when I'm not happy
 

uncommonentity

New member
Joined
May 3, 2011
Messages
440
I adapt to everyone. You can't expect everyone to enjoy the taste of apples so bring a banana. I give what I get.
 

miss fortune

not to be trusted
Joined
Oct 4, 2007
Messages
20,589
Enneagram
827
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
Good-

making people feel included (even introverts! :holy:)
striking up conversations with strangers
finding something interesting in everyone I meet
remembering stuff about people I talk to so that they feel special when I talk to them the next time
cheering people up and helping to fix their problems

Bad-

listening to someone bitch WITHOUT trying to fix their problems :thumbdown:
I speak without thinking first and therefore inadvertently offend the sensitive from time to time
I'm an abysmal failure at shutting up
I suck at maintaining contact with anyone
can be rather defensive if criticized :thelook:
 

jimrckhnd

New member
Joined
Jul 16, 2011
Messages
447
MBTI Type
INTP
One of the social blunders I committ all the time is forgetting peoples names. I've heard over and over that is an idicator you don't care or aren't interested, that succesful people are good at remembering names, etc., etc..

However, I remember faces for years and very often recall settings and conversations in great detail. I suppse this says something but what is another question.
 

miss fortune

not to be trusted
Joined
Oct 4, 2007
Messages
20,589
Enneagram
827
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
One of the social blunders I committ all the time is forgetting peoples names. I've heard over and over that is an idicator you don't care or aren't interested, that succesful people are good at remembering names, etc., etc..

However, I remember faces for years and very often recall settings and conversations in great detail. I suppse this says something but what is another question.

I remember all kinds of details about people... except for their names, which I can never remember :sadbanana:

the remembering things like that their child is just starting high school and that they raise German Shepherds tends to somewhat cover for the name thing though :laugh:
 

King sns

New member
Joined
Nov 4, 2008
Messages
6,714
MBTI Type
enfp
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
My social skills are quite good overall. I generally remember names on first or second mention. If I don't remember it the first time, I then just say, "I'm sorry, I didn't hold on to your name the first time." People are happy to oblige and I usually repeat my own name in the same interaction, (just in case.) I pride myself in this ability most of the time, but some of the time I find myself a little creepy with the name face memory there. Some people may not even remember my face the first time and there I am walking up to them in the grocery story like "Hi Molly, how are ya?" :laugh:

Good: Normally smiling, extroverted, friendly mannerisms.
Usually approachable.
Accepting of a lot of different types of people, can easily make new friends.
Easily relatable to a lot of folks, understanding
Good 1 on 1- (usually good in groups- not always, though.)
Good at reading other people, can get them to open up quickly.


Bad:
Can't keep up with acquaintances.
Bad listener sometimes/ interrupt people when their talking/ centering conversation on myself.
Sometimes in groups when I'm tired or have something going on, I can't stay afloat- I get a blank and quiet affect and resort to my own thoughts- I can't be fake. Wear my heart on my face.
Can be a little harsh and snippy under pressure.
Self centered.
Don't like inviting people over and having parties in my house. I want to protect my house from intruders. Only very close people are okay in my house. I hate it when people enter my room without knocking, even if the door is open, to see my dog or something. I also hate it when my roommate, (or in the past, any housemates), have a lot of company. Sometimes I like to visit with the company, but sometimes I don't, because in my house, I am busy. I think people find this unusual given my normal personality.

Current label: ENFP 7w6, 4w5, and 9w8. sx/sp.

Story time! A few weeks ago I went to a friend's 30th birthday bash. It was a night out in the city. I walked in, and there were 8 people sitting there, only 3 whom I knew. I was introduced to everybody- most with non american names. 2 Japanese girls, a Chinese girl, a girl from a small country in Africa, and an American male. So, I got the names, and then another girl walked in, (who I knew), and got the names, and said "I'm not going to remember a single one of them." And I go, "Are you kidding me?" And quickly listed all the names at the table- and jokingly, "you can't remember that?" :laugh: A couple of jaws dropped at the table.
 

Kyrielle

New member
Joined
Apr 26, 2007
Messages
1,294
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
Good at:

-Listening/being someone's therapeutic sock puppet
-Not passing judgement
-Being patient with people who like to hog conversation
-Creating non-awkward silences with other introverts
-Not arguing
-Keeping secrets and personal information
-Helping people think of the positives, however small
-Being a low-maintenance group member
-Being generally nice and occasionally incredibly kind

Bad at:

-Not arguing
-Not being assertive enough to speak my thoughts
-Expressing personal opinions and feelings (it's like pulling teeth with me)
-Keeping in touch with people in general
-Forgetting details about people
-Taking an interest in the minutia of most co-workers/acquaintance's lives
-Keeping conversations going
-Keeping an explanation from becoming circular
 

CuriousFeeling

From the Undertow
Joined
Dec 18, 2009
Messages
2,937
MBTI Type
INfJ
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Strengths:
- polite interactions with others
- sympathy towards others
- great with children
- keeping secrets
- when reading aloud to a group, excellent with inflection and captivating an audience
- keeping the peace with a group
- one on one conversations
- reading people

Weaknesses:
- speaking up
- distant in communication
- shyness
- self-conscious
- nervous in communication
- paying attention to exactly what a person is saying, rather than what they might mean
- going from one extreme of desiring creative control of a project to passively letting others in the group decide what they should do in the project
- dampening my enthusiasm for things by appearing stoic so then I don't get hurt
- getting monotone and when I don't have someone's attention, I just drop off from talking
- spitting the information out and getting it out of my brain
 
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