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  1. #21
    Supreme High Commander Andy's Avatar
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    Generally, I find it quite easy to get along with other people and keeping social interactions smooth and conflict free. I have to confess that this is at least in part because I'm not very interested in most people I meet - hence their opinions and beliefs don't bother me much.

    I'm also good at being selectively oblivious, choosing which social cues to ignore when I feel like it and just making it look like I didn't notice. One time, two of my house mates started having sex with each other in secret. She was substantially older than him and they wanted to keep it all secret (for that and other reasons). I spent about three months pretending that I didn't know a thing about it.

    I'm not very good at debating, once again because I don't really care whether anyone agrees with me or not, so I don't put much effort into it. I'm also terrible at meeting new people, which can rresult in me becoming rather isolated on occations.
    Don't make whine out of sour grapes.

  2. #22
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I used to say I have bad social skills because I am quite shy & a bit of a loner, but I really just have bad (what I call) "party" social skills.

    I'm not good at:
    - Making good first impressions because I am shy & awkward a first
    - Initiating conversations & contact (via phone or whatever)
    - Indicating personal interest in others right away (I come off a bit aloof)
    - Adapting to the "norms" of the atmosphere, often appearing as strange in an oft-putting way (this can be from how I dress to my absent-minded demeanor)
    - Carrying a conversation with new people, especially in a group setting
    - Keeping in frequent contact with friends
    - Planning social events or initiating plans with individual friends
    - Articulating myself in simple, small talk (I seem awkward & rather dull)

    I am good at:
    - Getting along with different people - at work/school & mostly at home
    - Not having drama in my life, staying conflict-free most of the time
    - Gaining respect/admiration from others over time
    - Making others feel comfortable if I sense they aren't
    - Understanding how others feel & accommodating their feelings when reasonable
    - Listening to others & offering advice without being pushy
    - One-on-one conversations, especially in depth emotional discussion
    - Articulating complicated ideas/feelings
    - Being patient in teaching/waiting for requests to be met
    - Showing personal interest in people I am comfortable with
    - Not insisting on my own way or some other set of roles; staying flexible
    - Basic manners (ie. please & thank you)

    I guess most of that comes down to interactions beyond the initial ones. In short, I am not socially charming, but I'm pretty good with established relationships.
    This

    I personally would add (and further clarify some of the above with regards to my own approach):

    Bad at:
    - selecting appropriate subject matters in conversation (my choices are often considered too boring, weird, random, or theoretical)
    - stopping myself from rambling about subjects that interest me when people's eyes start to glaze over.
    - networking/mingling
    - remembering names and faces
    - attentively listening to subject matters that bore me for more than a few minutes (eg. extended small talk, gossip, talk about 'things'). I often end up wandering off (mentally or physically), which is rather anti-social and probably, at times, rude.
    - being smooth and urbane
    - remembering to inquire about how specific things/events/people are going in someone's life. It makes me seem uncaring.

    Good at:
    - including others when they seem left out in group situations
    - listening to people talk about their problems or things they really care about and supporting/affirming/sympathising with them
    - recognising the preferences (likes/dislikes, communication styles etc) of others, particularly of those I know semi-well, and making an effort to accommodate them.
    - treating people equally and with respect, regardless of how important or socially insignificant they are
    - getting to the heart of the issue and spotting the central point/causes/motivators
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  3. #23
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kissmyasthma View Post
    I'm good at:
    -Interacting with people one-on-one
    -Enthusiastically conversing one-on-one with people I know well
    -Sometimes mirroring others
    -Written communication (ha)
    -Making people laugh (well, my friends and family, anyway xP)
    -Being considerate, no matter who I'm interacting with. I avoid saying or doing things that I know will hurt others.

    I'm not so good at:
    -Using the telephone (a.k.a. the bane of my existence)
    -Talking to strangers
    -Talking to strangers on the telephone (ugh, it's the stuff of nightmares)
    -Speaking up in groups with two or more other people. I often have trouble finding a "place" in a conversation, especially if everyone in the group is oblivious to my non-involvement.
    -Expressing sympathy, but not for a lack of trying. I'm one of those people who frequently says "I'm sorry" to try to express sympathy, and is then reprimanded with something along the lines of "it's not your fault."
    -Sometimes, I'm too frank (my mom would say "brutally honest")
    I hate the telephone, too! I can socialize fairly well in real life, but using the telephone is torture.

  4. #24
    (blankpages) Xenon's Avatar
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    It's funny how a lot of introverts rank the phone as their least favourite communication method (and I do, as well). In terms of maintaining distance and limiting non-verbal cues, it's in between face-to-face communication and the newer forms of text communication (chatting/email/foruming/texting), but somehow it's more uncomfortable than both.

  5. #25
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    I'm good at:

    Being kind and considerate. Treating others the way I'd like to be treated.

    Giving useful advice in my areas of knowledge

    Empathy

    Accepting people for who they are

    Thinking up interesting things to do or talk about but I may not share these unless I'm comfortable with you first.

    Making my friends laugh



    I'm bad at:

    Sustaining conversation on a subject of little interest to me.

    Not letting my mind wander off when someone is discussing a topic of little interest to me.

    Can be slow to warm up or feel comfortable around new people.

    Flirting

    Sustaining a friendship over a long term. If I don't make a real effort my friendships tend to fade away with time.

    I have a hard time feeling comfortable aroud very opinionated, forceful people

    Picking up on some of the more subtle body language cues or interpreting them correctly

    I don't always handle conflict with others constructively. Either I just withdraw or I get overly defensive.
    INtp
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    LII-Ne




  6. #26
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily flower View Post
    I hate the telephone, too! I can socialize fairly well in real life, but using the telephone is torture.
    I'm an E type but I hate the telephone too. Actually, I like better instant messaging: at least you can use emoticons to show what you're feeling, while I personally have no clue how to sustain a conversation on the phone which isn't purely informative. Ofc real life is the best.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  7. #27
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    This

    I personally would add (and further clarify some of the above with regards to my own approach):

    Bad at:
    - selecting appropriate subject matters in conversation (my choices are often considered too boring, weird, random, or theoretical)
    - stopping myself from rambling about subjects that interest me when people's eyes start to glaze over.
    - networking/mingling
    - remembering names and faces
    - attentively listening to subject matters that bore me for more than a few minutes (eg. extended small talk, gossip, talk about 'things'). I often end up wandering off (mentally or physically), which is rather anti-social and probably, at times, rude.
    - being smooth and urbane
    - remembering to inquire about how specific things/events/people are going in someone's life. It makes me seem uncaring.

    Good at:
    - including others when they seem left out in group situations
    - listening to people talk about their problems or things they really care about and supporting/affirming/sympathising with them
    - recognising the preferences (likes/dislikes, communication styles etc) of others, particularly of those I know semi-well, and making an effort to accommodate them.
    - treating people equally and with respect, regardless of how important or socially insignificant they are
    - getting to the heart of the issue and spotting the central point/causes/motivators
    Most of those apply to me as well.

    However, one of my strengths is actually remembering to inquire about things in people's lives they've mentioned to me before though.

    And I do remember faces pretty well, but can have a hard time placing a face when I see it in an entirely different context. Like, if a person is wearing different clothes & I run into them in a store instead of where I usually see them, and we're just casual acquaintances, there's a decent chance I won't be able to recall where I know them from (for at least a few minutes anyway). In these cases, I've carried on conversations wondering the whole time who the hell I am talking to.....
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  8. #28
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    And I do remember faces pretty well, but can have a hard time placing a face when I see it in an entirely different context. Like, if a person is wearing different clothes & I run into them in a store instead of where I usually see them, and we're just casual acquaintances, there's a decent chance I won't be able to recall where I know them from (for at least a few minutes anyway). In these cases, I've carried on conversations wondering the whole time who the hell I am talking to.....
    Yeah, perhaps I should have said placing names with faces. I have the same problem with context and having conversations with people without knowing how I know them. It all becomes a secret detective mission to work it out . The worst thing is when they know my name and all sorts of things about me and I haven't a clue who they are - it makes me feel terribly guilty.

    Actually, it sometimes happens to me on the phone too and with people I know really well. I have difficulty working out who the voice belongs to and have to pretend I know who it is for a few minutes before I work it out. I'm not sure if this is related though. You could say its the same problem with placing people out of context. Hey, I get confused about lots of people around here when they change their avatars.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  9. #29
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    You could say its the same problem with placing people out of context. Hey, I get confused about lots of people around here when they change their avatars.
    And changing the name & avatar at the same time is just plain evil
    I'm like, "who is this person with 3,000 posts that I've never seen before, and yet they are on my friend's list?"
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  10. #30
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    And changing the name & avatar at the same time is just plain evil
    I'm like, "who is this person with 3,000 posts that I've never seen before, and yet they are on my friend's list?"
    God, I reckon. And its positively cruel to confuse a naturally befuddled person.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

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