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  1. #11
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    No can do. I find it nearly impossible to do this. It would be like getting up in front of a bunch of Midevil English and History scholars and trying to B.S. them as if I know what I'm talking about, when in fact I'm clueless. It just wouldn't work and I'd much rather just go up to the podium and say, "Sorry to disappoint you folks, but I know nothing about this subject so I'm going to sit back down and let one of you come up and talk. Thank you."
    I should clarify since the above is such a strong example. Not so much b/sing about knowledge when it's evident there's a lack of knowledge but if you disagree with someone, pretend to compromise or align, even if your point of view hasn't changed. It's a matter of ROI, where external harmony is valued more than internal harmony.

  2. #12
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    i know a 40ish intp with great fe...he has been married to an esfj for 20+ years so i'm sure that helps...but i'm also thinking you just get better at it with age too...yeah?
    Yeah, definitely! I've noticed, as the years go on, my Fe stock is on the rise. It's much more available to me at any given time and I'm able to tap into it much easier. 10 years ago, I still had it, but it was much more unrefined/raw and sometimes when I needed it I couldn't find it - like it was on vacation. Now, it's a mainstay in my arsenal.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenaphor View Post
    I should clarify since the above is such a strong example. Not so much b/sing about knowledge when it's evident there's a lack of knowledge but if you disagree with someone, pretend to compromise or align, even if your point of view hasn't changed. It's a matter of ROI, where external harmony is valued more than internal harmony.
    And that's why you ENTJ's maneuver so well through the social realm. Logically, I totally understand what you're saying - why it's beneficial to do. But, execution of it is another thing. Hard to explain - almost like changing lanes when you know you haven't checked your blind spot, or like you're getting into unchartered waters - because inside, you don't truly believe in what you are agreeing to.

    I suppose I do it more often than I realize - like continuing to hold down a job where you don't agree with what goes on there, or even small scale things with friends. But, as you may know having been around INTP's, we're more likely to scratch and claw if we don't really believe in what's going on with the group. (Edit: or, just wallk away from the group altogether)
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  3. #13
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    i'm good at talking to strangers and jumping right past the getting to know you stage.
    i'm good at steering the conversation towards things i find interesting..
    i'm good at coming up with ideas for things to do
    and for initiating meet ups
    i'm good at making everyone feel included which sometimes means interrupting someone who's monopolizing the conversation and asking the quieter ones their thoughts
    i'm good at keeping the mood light...or taking it deeper and more personal but mediating personal conflicts
    i'm good at keeping up and not getting tired...i's no killjoy! haha

    bad at....feigning interest when there is none
    bad at keeping a high level of energy around just one or two people with low energy
    bad at remembering to think before i speak sometimes and sometimes accidentally offend people due to poor wording choice :/
    i can be so excited about meeting new people that i forget to pay enough attention to other ones...sometimes
    bad at caring enough to be appropriate
    sort of bad at being reserved or treating people more formally
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  4. #14
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    And that's why you ENTJ's maneuver so well through the social realm. Logically, I totally understand what you're saying - why it's beneficial to do. But, execution of it is another thing. Hard to explain - almost like changing lanes when you know you haven't checked your blind spot, or like you're getting into unchartered waters - because inside, you don't truly believe in what you are agreeing to.
    We can do it but some of us don't bother much anymore. That said, it's okay to agree to disagree since there's rarely only one way to perceive anything.

    (Edit: or, just wallk away from the group altogether)
    Good catch. I was just getting ready to suggest this and found it in the quote!

  5. #15
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    I just want to conclude by saying that if anyone needs any serious advice on social skills, just hit up one of us INTP's and we'll be glad to give you some pointers.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily flower View Post
    I have had a total revelation in the last 2 days, thanks to some of the posts on here. It may be old news to all of you, but to me it's new. I used to think that social skills were on a continuum - you had a lot of them, or few of them, etc.

    Now I am realizing that people can possess fantastic social skills in one area, but poor social skills in another. For instance, a sociopath can charm people, but does not have compassion. As an INFJ, I am great at listening to people's problems, but I am not good at initiating getting together or calling someone on the phone. An ENFJ friend of mine is wonderful at people's problems, at making you feel like a million dollars, but bad at follow up or close relationships.

    So - tell me about your type and your social skills. How are you good and bad? Or tell me about a type you know well.
    THIS IS SO TRUE!!! I think a lot of IxFJs are great at counseling people and being very polite and appropriate and smoothing things over, and for whatever reason IRL I'm pretty good at getting people to like me. They just give me things and hug me and generally find me easy to get along with, except for certain people, because of my strong opinions about certain things, they can be a little taken aback about it. But I'm usually so nice that most people look past it, or even like that about me...plus I know to keep my mouth shut IRL around certain people, believe it or not. I can be EXCEEDINGLY DIRECT (I'm good at levelly but firmly telling people to stop their shit without raising my voice or using offensive language) but I actually save a lot of the opinionated ranting you see on-line for a particular audience that I know can handle it.

    I guess I'm good at reading people that way.

    So.

    My skills are:

    1) Charming people

    2) Being direct

    3) Knowing who I can be an opinionated jackass with and knowing who to keep my mouth shut around...it's how I've been able to charm both old ladies and teenaged boys.

    4) But I know I definitely lack the uber-smoothness and total tact that I see in Fe types

    I'm an ExFP fo' sho'. ENFP or ESFP.

    EDIT: I'm also a procrastinator and I'm perpetually late, so that's another area where I socially fail, btw.

  7. #17
    Glycerine
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    Good: making people comfortable, very complimentary, know how to get people to open up

    Bad: I have a bad habit of zoning out socially when I am nervous/bored/uncertain (I am sure people have considered me a bitch because of this) a bit blunt

  8. #18
    Member kissmyasthma's Avatar
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    I'm good at:
    -Interacting with people one-on-one
    -Enthusiastically conversing one-on-one with people I know well
    -Sometimes mirroring others
    -Written communication (ha)
    -Making people laugh (well, my friends and family, anyway xP)
    -Being considerate, no matter who I'm interacting with. I avoid saying or doing things that I know will hurt others.

    I'm not so good at:
    -Using the telephone (a.k.a. the bane of my existence)
    -Talking to strangers
    -Talking to strangers on the telephone (ugh, it's the stuff of nightmares)
    -Speaking up in groups with two or more other people. I often have trouble finding a "place" in a conversation, especially if everyone in the group is oblivious to my non-involvement.
    -Expressing sympathy, but not for a lack of trying. I'm one of those people who frequently says "I'm sorry" to try to express sympathy, and is then reprimanded with something along the lines of "it's not your fault."
    -Sometimes, I'm too frank (my mom would say "brutally honest")

  9. #19
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I used to say I have bad social skills because I am quite shy & a bit of a loner, but I really just have bad (what I call) "party" social skills.

    I'm not good at:
    - Making good first impressions because I am shy & awkward a first
    - Initiating conversations & contact (via phone or whatever)
    - Indicating personal interest in others right away (I come off a bit aloof)
    - Adapting to the "norms" of the atmosphere, often appearing as strange in an oft-putting way (this can be from how I dress to my absent-minded demeanor)
    - Carrying a conversation with new people, especially in a group setting
    - Keeping in frequent contact with friends
    - Planning social events or initiating plans with individual friends
    - Articulating myself in simple, small talk (I seem awkward & rather dull)

    I am good at:
    - Getting along with different people - at work/school & mostly at home
    - Not having drama in my life, staying conflict-free most of the time
    - Gaining respect/admiration from others over time
    - Making others feel comfortable if I sense they aren't
    - Understanding how others feel & accommodating their feelings when reasonable
    - Listening to others & offering advice without being pushy
    - One-on-one conversations, especially in depth emotional discussion
    - Articulating complicated ideas/feelings
    - Being patient in teaching/waiting for requests to be met
    - Showing personal interest in people I am comfortable with
    - Not insisting on my own way or some other set of roles; staying flexible
    - Basic manners (ie. please & thank you)

    I guess most of that comes down to interactions beyond the initial ones. In short, I am not socially charming, but I'm pretty good with established relationships.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  10. #20
    Senior Member Eckhart's Avatar
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    Good at:
    -Making other people feel socially competent in comparison.

    Bad at:
    -Being socially competent.


    Ok, that is an overexaggeration of course. I may have the typcial INFP traits that I don't pressure other people, am usually kind, I don't get into arguments much and I guess I can be a good listener; but the typical traits that seem to be commonly associated with social skills, like being confident and initiating, going towards other people, being encouraging to other people, form a social atmosphere, being good at small talk and such stuff, I totally fail at.

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