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  1. #1
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Default People who have a polarizing effect

    I definitely don't fall into this category. I think that in terms of MBTI and enneagram it is people who are sx-first, or possibly ExxPs...generally, anyway.

    I haven't had many people hate me or avoid me like the plague. Unless I'm totally deluding myself, it seems as though most people either like me a lot, or like me ok, or are pretty much indifferent to me.

    However, I can think of at least a couple of friends (both female), one of whom I think may be ESFP, the other a likely ENFP. From what they've told me, it seems as though they seem to end up the subject of gossip, to form friendships with people and later have those people avoid them completely and/or stab them in the back...etc.

    I wonder why this kind of thing seems to happen so much to certain people. There is a small part of me which wonders if maybe they act like bitches to some people and it rebounds on them, and I just don't happen to be a person they act like a bitch to. But honestly, these are people I care about, and about whom I don't have that impression, and I would hate to reach that conclusion.

    They are definitely people who go towards others more than I do - although I do come across someone who goes towards others, I know that it has a different tone with me. I get called "open" and "warm" and things like that. The girls I'm thinking of , who are probably ExxPs, are more likely to come across as though they're "interested" if the people they're talking to are men than I ever would - a bit flirtatious, maybe - and even with other women, they might make more personal comments, stand closer, etc than I would do with someone I don't know well.

    What do you think of this? Honestly, sometimes I wonder if I seldom/ever seem to polarize people because I just come across as a bit...bland. I know I have good people skills (strong Fe) and that stands me in a good stead, but I can't help wondering if it's only bland personalities who seldom if ever get hated.
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  2. #2
    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
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    Sounds like you're referring to people with insecure Fi. That can definitely be polarizing.
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  3. #3
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    I definitely don't fall into this category. I think that in terms of MBTI and enneagram it is people who are sx-first, or possibly ExxPs...generally, anyway.

    I haven't had many people hate me or avoid me like the plague. Unless I'm totally deluding myself, it seems as though most people either like me a lot, or like me ok, or are pretty much indifferent to me.

    However, I can think of at least a couple of friends (both female), one of whom I think may be ESFP, the other a likely ENFP. From what they've told me, it seems as though they seem to end up the subject of gossip, to form friendships with people and later have those people avoid them completely and/or stab them in the back...etc.

    I wonder why this kind of thing seems to happen so much to certain people. There is a small part of me which wonders if maybe they act like bitches to some people and it rebounds on them, and I just don't happen to be a person they act like a bitch to. But honestly, these are people I care about, and about whom I don't have that impression, and I would hate to reach that conclusion.

    They are definitely people who go towards others more than I do - although I do come across someone who goes towards others, I know that it has a different tone with me. I get called "open" and "warm" and things like that. The girls I'm thinking of , who are probably ExxPs, are more likely to come across as though they're "interested" if the people they're talking to are men than I ever would - a bit flirtatious, maybe - and even with other women, they might make more personal comments, stand closer, etc than I would do with someone I don't know well.

    What do you think of this? Honestly, sometimes I wonder if I seldom/ever seem to polarize people because I just come across as a bit...bland. I know I have good people skills (strong Fe) and that stands me in a good stead, but I can't help wondering if it's only bland personalities who seldom if ever get hated.
    Quote Originally Posted by IndyAnnaJoan View Post
    Sounds like you're referring to people with insecure Fi. That can definitely be polarizing.
    +1

    My friends can be like this sometimes. (NEVER me though.... )
    It could be an Fi thing.. It could also come with very strong personalities in general.
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  4. #4
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    I can be polarizing at times. I'm searching for an example... I can change from hot to cold (my communication with people that is) very quickly. Daily. I think it comes from a fact that I sometimes (though sometimes don't) cater to the people around me when I talk to them. If I can't find something to say, or if I want to talk I will, whether someone wants it, or not. I am not guided by anyone else; however, it does make it more defined when I do listen to someones opinion and it shows who I truly do care about at times. These are just my perceptions of myself. I know that when I started working at my current job one of my best friends now hated me, found me annoying and loud and slow.

  5. #5
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    if I seldom/ever seem to polarize people because I just come across as a bit...bland. I know I have good people skills (strong Fe) and that stands me in a good stead, but I can't help wondering if it's only bland personalities who seldom if ever get hated.
    Same here. I get the impression that most people in real life as well as on this forum either have a mild liking towards me or are indifferent to my presence. There may be a few people out there who slightly dislike me but I don't know of anyone who would truly have me on their enemies list. There aren't too many people outside of close friends and family that take a strong liking towards me either. Or maybe I'm just blind to it.

    I feel like I'm too mild and moderate in my personality to really have much polarizing effect.

    I think the OP may be right about SX types being more likely to have a polarizing effect since they seem to put themselves and their feelings about things more "out there."
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  6. #6
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IndyAnnaJoan View Post
    Sounds like you're referring to people with insecure Fi. That can definitely be polarizing.
    Please elaborate...I'm interested in this...how would insecure Fi have this effect?

    Do you mean that it is simply their own perception that they are being gossipped about, backstabbed or whatever, and it's not really the case?
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  7. #7
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    Please elaborate...I'm interested in this...how would insecure Fi have this effect?

    Do you mean that it is simply their own perception that they are being gossipped about, backstabbed or whatever, and it's not really the case?
    I think insecurity leads to jealousy, and jealousy leads to all the bad deeds.

    So I definitely agree with IndyAnnaJoan.

  8. #8
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    As far as theory goes, I'd expect extroverts to polarize more, as the extroverted attitude is one that seeks to affect & be affected by the external world/other people.

    From my observations, Fi-doms usually inspire neutral indifference from people. ESFPs though - they get reactions. My ESFP sister is always complaining that she can't be invisible even when she wants to, and I've had times in life where I was a bit sad over how invisible I tend to be.

    I am always very surprised when anyone has a strong reaction to me. I'm not used to being adored or hated by people. I slip below most people's radar easily. Being quiet, I do get projected onto, but it's usually a form of dismissal at worst, or if it's faintly positive, then they write me off as harmless. It could be because I am an sp-dom, and quite withdrawn socially....

    Most Ni-doms I've known polarize people. My INFJ in particular finds people like him a lot or dislike him immediately "for no good reason", but he also forms distinct impressions of people (tending to like/dislike with little gray area), so maybe people react to him the way he reacts to them (it's a dynamic that feeds itself). Come to think of it, P-doms in general seem more likely to do polarize people, but that's just my experience. I'd have to think more about it to see if there is any real link to personality type...
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  9. #9
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    I'm an ExxP and an sx-dom and I have a polarizing effect, I did even more so when I was very young.

    I think it can be because we're so openly opinionated or have "big personalities." Like a lot of ESTP men get on my last nerve with their shenanigans, so I can only imagine how I bug people with my ENFP opinions.

    My mother - ESFP - is like this, too. People either cringe when they see her coming or think she's warm and funny. It's funny because she has this big personality, and she really should know it, especially since she used to do things when she was younger like make little dramatic noises when she yawned and things, but her feelings get hurt when she realizes the Christian Coalition is against her. I really don't get why she cares. In my mind, "yeah those sorts of people are gonna hate me, and it's their problem for having sticks up thier asses" but she still seems to be more bothered by it. Maybe I have higher self-esteem than my mother. That's sad.

  10. #10
    Señora Member Elfa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    As far as theory goes, I'd expect extroverts to polarize more, as the extroverted attitude is one that seeks to affect & be affected by the external world/other people.
    I agree with that, extroverted seem to polarize more... usually introverted people attract and repel less people than the extroverted. People use to be really liking me, or just liking me, or are neutral to me, or don't know me, but I don't remember anyone hating me or anything like that.

    I know an ENFJ that I really like and admire, and that have many people who love her and some people who don't like her and are mean to her. Almost the same for an ESFP and an ENTJ. I can't say the same for the introverts i know, like INFP, ISFP, ISFJ, INTP and ISTJ, they're more like "love and peace"; other people just like them or ignore them - and maybe say mean stuff about them behind their back, but that's all.

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