E and I differences

[mcmartinez84]

After reading about MBTI stuff, I kiiiinda know that E's and I's are different and I can see it for the most part. It's very weird for me to really understand it tho.

My husband tested as ENTJ and I'm ISTP.

I restore myself by being alone at home. Going out with a lot of people is mentally exhausting. Pretty typical introvert, I think.

It took me awhile to figure this out, but I've noticed that my husband usually seems to have a better time when there are people over or when we're out at a pub or just out with a group of friends. Of course he is. He's an E. It really energizes him to plan for people to come over. Cooking for a bunch of people, entertaining.

I guess what I'm getting at is that I'm having trouble finding a balance between my hermit tendencies and his need to be around people. Most of the time, even tho I'm kinda friends with some of the people we go out with, I don't have a very good time. I don't like going to the pub down the street all of the time where most of the people are old and we're never going to meet people we'll really be friends with. It feels like a huge waste of time.

And it seems like when it's just the two of us, he runs out of things to say or do. It's almost like he can't enjoy the moment with only my company. I know it's not a true statement, but that's just what it seems like to me.

Anyone care to throw in their 2 cents to shed some light on wtf he might be thinking/doing/rationalizing/whatever?

 

[amazingdatagirl]

E's can be exhausting. Find a balance in your relationship. It can be tricky depending on the length of time that you have been married. Some E's expect their spouse to be present every freaking minute of every day. Fortunately, an ENTJ should be independent enough to respect your need for personal space. Set (reasonable) limits on the social activities within your home and encourage him to develop healthy friendships that don't necessarily include your presence.

It's marriage - both sides have to give a little.

 

[Offog]

Douglas Adams (INTP) on Extraversion

"So this is it," said Arthur, "we're going to die."

"I wish you'd stop saying that," said Ford.

It is worth repeating at this point the theories that Ford had come up with, on his first encounter with human beings, to account for their peculiar habit of continually stating and restating the very very obvious, as in "It's a nice day," or "You're very tall," or "So this is it, we're going to die."

His first theory was that if human beings didn't keep exercising their lips, their mouths probably shriveled up.

After a few months of observation he had come up with a second theory, which was this -- "lf human beings don't keep exercising their lips, their brains start working."

In fact, this second theory is more literally true of the Belcerebon people of Kakrafoon.

The Belcerebon people used to cause great resentment and insecurity among neighboring races by being one of the most enlightened, accomplished and, above all, quiet civilizations in the Galaxy. As a punishment for this behavior, which was held to be offensively self- righteous and provocative, a Galactic Tribunal inflicted on them that most cruel of all social diseases, telepathy. Consequently, in order to prevent themselves broadcasting every slightest thought that crosses their minds to anyone within a five mile radius, they now have to talk very loudly and continuously about the weather, their little aches and pains, the match this afternoon and what a noisy place Kakrafoon has suddenly become.

-- from The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

 

[Lady_X]

After reading about MBTI stuff, I kiiiinda know that E's and I's are different and I can see it for the most part. It's very weird for me to really understand it tho.

My husband tested as ENTJ and I'm ISTP.

I restore myself by being alone at home. Going out with a lot of people is mentally exhausting. Pretty typical introvert, I think.

It took me awhile to figure this out, but I've noticed that my husband usually seems to have a better time when there are people over or when we're out at a pub or just out with a group of friends. Of course he is. He's an E. It really energizes him to plan for people to come over. Cooking for a bunch of people, entertaining.

I guess what I'm getting at is that I'm having trouble finding a balance between my hermit tendencies and his need to be around people. Most of the time, even tho I'm kinda friends with some of the people we go out with, I don't have a very good time. I don't like going to the pub down the street all of the time where most of the people are old and we're never going to meet people we'll really be friends with. It feels like a huge waste of time.

And it seems like when it's just the two of us, he runs out of things to say or do. It's almost like he can't enjoy the moment with only my company. I know it's not a true statement, but that's just what it seems like to me.

Anyone care to throw in their 2 cents to shed some light on wtf he might be thinking/doing/rationalizing/whatever?

ughh yes i do know. i kinda dislike that about myself but i relate to him....i do have more fun in groups...i love being close enough with someone that we can have alone time together...but i'm not very social one on one...i mean...i can be..i've had great one on one conversations and i love that but that social energy comes out in groups. i can't help it.

 

[Anew Leaf]

Some compromise will have to be in order between you two. You will have to find a balance of getting what you need for yourselves, what you need for each other, and from each other.

For example, perhaps you can time things so that he has a night out with his friends, and you take that same night to be by yourself working on something for yourself.

 

[mcmartinez84]

We haven't been married long (less than a year). It's an adjustment for sure. Of course, Friday night he suggested out of the blue that we stay in, order pizza and watch movies.

Somehow I think he just knows what's going on. It's almost uncanny sometimes.

Side note: right this minute he handed me a slice of pizza without me having to ask to try it. Most of the time it's like this:
Me: Can I have a piece to try it?
Him: No.
Me: Please? D:
Him: No.
Me: Why not?
Him: Yes, you can have one.

Oy vey.

 

[Kasper]

 

[Chiharu]

Urgh! I'm an Extravert and almost all my friends are introverts. I'm a more reserved extravert but still... so frustrating! All they want to is pop in their earbuds or maybe get exciting and have 1-3 people over to watch anime! Yay >.<

Seriously, it's not that we don't enjoy your company, it's that the stimulation that group dynamics provide make us feel good about ourselves. Quiet becomes boring and personal time lonely for us after a while. That doesn't make us shallow or less devoted to our introverts, personally, it just means we have different needs. Just as you NEED more quiet and space to rest, we NEED to be more social to wake up.

 

[mcmartinez84]

Thanks for all of the comments, you guys

Since I'm of the mentally dense variety, any insight you provide is a great help to my understanding this.

I gotta say, I don't think I've lived with an E before, so it's rather different seeing it up close like this. Reading about it only goes so far at first. Now that I see it, it's much more real and the words make sense. (Thinking about that...it's how I have pretty much always learned things - by example and then explanation.)