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[MBTI General] MBTI and the 5 Love Languages

T

ThatGirl

Guest
Heh, I think our orders of preference are identical. I just don't get the whole "Acts of Service" thing. That's dead last for me behind Gifts (which I appreciate but don't expect or demand).

Maybe I am misunderstanding what acts of service means. To me it is someone going out of their way to do something with or for you. Becoming a companion not just an ornament. There is something very unexpected and sweet about it. Specially since I usually am so freaking independent, someone who can jump in there with me really gets my attention.

Edit: I should also add this is probably one of the most difficult ways for someone to become close to me. So when it does happen it is very intimate for me.
 

cascadeco

New member
Joined
Oct 7, 2007
Messages
9,083
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
What do the rest of you consider to be physical touch? In my case, I mean nothing more than a back rub when I'm stressed, or a quick peck on the cheek when she's walking by, just because. It doesn't have to be sexual at all.

A hand on the leg or back, a quick squeeze, massage, lying against each other while watching a movie, a hug, playing/tickling/bantering/wrestling like little kids (lol)... any number of little touches.

(Also since I'm not a touchy-feely person, *at all*, with friends, I think that's why it's heightened as is so important to me in a romantic context - it's my outlet for human [physical] contact, and it's so special for me, and means so much, that I really only reserve it for my sig. other - I'm WAY touchy-feely w/ him! ;) But to your point, it doesn't have to be sexual)
 

NotOfTwo

small potatoes
Joined
Jan 30, 2010
Messages
509
MBTI Type
INTP
A hand on the leg or back, a quick squeeze, massage, lying against each other while watching a movie, a hug, playing/tickling/bantering/wrestling like little kids (lol)... any number of little touches.

(Also since I'm not a touchy-feely person, *at all*, with friends, I think that's why it's heightened as is so important to me in a romantic context - it's my outlet for human [physical] contact, and it's so special for me, and means so much, that I really only reserve it for my sig. other - I'm WAY touchy-feely w/ him! ;) But to your point, it doesn't have to be sexual)

+1
 

Chiharu

New member
Joined
Feb 22, 2011
Messages
662
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
NF (ENFP)

1) Physical touch
This is how I communicate and what I best understand. This is the language that I use, not the one I feel is better or most profound. Even just playing with my hair or play-fighting makes me understand that I'm wanted, safe, and loved. Friendships and relationships lacking in this feel cold and I have the impulse to mew like a forlorn kitten (I won't, you're more likely to be snarled at, but still...)

2) Quality time

3) Words of affirmation
I sincerely appreciate them and take them to heart, but I'm too free with them to make it a primary language.

4) Acts of service
It's horrible, but these will go mostly unnoticed by me. It's wonderful that you did that, but I'll only notice once in a blue moon...

5) Receiving Gifts
Sounds great in theory, but usually winds up being upsetting in one way or another.
 

PH.

New member
Joined
Mar 15, 2011
Messages
79
MBTI Type
INTP
NT

Quality Time
Physical Touch

I have to be the initiater of physical touch though. I get very incomfortable if someone touches me while I feel we are not that close. And the psychical touch has to be very subtle. A stroke on the cheek, or neck, a soft kiss. It has to be real and sensitive.

Word of affirmation also do it for me sometimes. But it has to be just right. Kinda like the physical touch.
 

Kasper

Diabolical
Joined
May 30, 2008
Messages
11,590
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Foiled again! :)

I may have to view you as a sampling error.....!

Dear Saturned,

It would not be the first time :biggrin:

<3
Unique Snowflake


Too bad this thread didn't include instinctual stackings. You might get a stronger correlation.

I was wondering about that myself, the fact that when I'm in a relationship gifts mean more to me than I thought they would whereas quality time and physical contact meant less than I thought is something that could easily tie into my sp/so-ness.
 

momof3

New member
Joined
Jun 18, 2010
Messages
16
MBTI Type
enfj
Enneagram
3
NF

Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Acts of Service
Gifts/Physical Touch

I think I'm an Enneagram 3w2, which I've always thought explained my desire for words of affirmation. :blush:
 

Orangey

Blah
Joined
Jun 26, 2008
Messages
6,354
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
6w5
SP (ISTP)

Quality Time
Physical Touch
Words of Affirmation
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service

I remember being baffled when one of my friends (ESTJ) said, "the most romantic thing is the sight of my boyfriend doing the dishes."
 

rav3n

.
Joined
Aug 6, 2010
Messages
11,655
I was wondering about that myself, the fact that when I'm in a relationship gifts mean more to me than I thought they would whereas quality time and physical contact meant less than I thought is something that could easily tie into my sp/so-ness.
Not certain I fully understand the gifts correlation unless as an sp/so, you view gifts as concrete proof of caring and an action to take if you value someone, particularly if the gifts are tailored in a considerate way to the giftee. Is that correct or off by a mile?

As for myself, being an sx/sp:

sx = intimacy which includes physical touch.
sp = quality time and effort, proof positive of caring.
 
A

Anew Leaf

Guest
Dear Saturned,

It would not be the first time :biggrin:

<3
Unique Snowflake

individualitydemotivationalposter.jpg


:hugsnowflakebeforesnowflakemelts:
 

onemoretime

Dreaming the life
Joined
Jun 29, 2009
Messages
4,455
MBTI Type
3h50
Not certain I fully understand the gifts correlation unless as an sp/so, you view gifts as concrete proof of caring and an action to take if you value someone, particularly if the gifts are tailored in a considerate way to the giftee. Is that correct or off by a mile?

As for myself, being an sx/sp:

sx = intimacy which includes physical touch.
sp = quality time and effort, proof positive of caring.

My guess -

sx/sp - touch, and service (quality time is spent in helping someone else out)
sp/sx - gifts, and words (showing intimacy, but not too much)
sx/so - touch, and words (since time gets the two of you close, and words strengthen that social bond)
so/sx - time, and touch (since your sexual instinct desires to intensify the social relationship)
sp/so - gifts, and service (like nice things, but you really like giving and receiving nice things from loved ones)
so/sp - time, and words (the greatest gift is to know that someone loves you, and that you love someone)

Probably wrong, but what the hey?
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
Staff member
Joined
Apr 18, 2010
Messages
27,230
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
FWIW, I am sp/sx and my choices are (1) quality time (by far), and (2) acts of service. I suspect it's that I can mostly take care of the sp alone. The quality time feeds sx, which cannot be done alone. Gifts of service somehow combine the two. Someone close to me knows me well enough to understand my needs, and cares about me enough to address some of them.
 

Kasper

Diabolical
Joined
May 30, 2008
Messages
11,590
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Not certain I fully understand the gifts correlation unless as an sp/so, you view gifts as concrete proof of caring and an action to take if you value someone, particularly if the gifts are tailored in a considerate way to the giftee. Is that correct or off by a mile?

sp is linked to enjoying material things and having them add to feeling secure.

On the other side sx would be linked to things that merge with the other person so time and touch would likely be up there, as it's my poorest instinct by a la-hong shot I don't find it surprising that the idea of those two love languages is appealing but the reality is a tad claustrophobic for me.


My guess -

sx/sp - touch, and service (quality time is spent in helping someone else out)
sp/sx - gifts, and words (showing intimacy, but not too much)
sx/so - touch, and words (since time gets the two of you close, and words strengthen that social bond)
so/sx - time, and touch (since your sexual instinct desires to intensify the social relationship)
sp/so - gifts, and service (like nice things, but you really like giving and receiving nice things from loved ones)
so/sp - time, and words (the greatest gift is to know that someone loves you, and that you love someone)

Probably wrong, but what the hey?

I'd go more along the lines of leading instinct influences leading love language, maybe, while the least comfortable instinct influences what isn't as important, maybe.

All I know is acts of service mean naught to me in terms of "love".
 
Joined
Dec 9, 2008
Messages
1,844
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
NF

1st Quality Time (one on one ex: Sitting on a couch just talking/catching up/walking around the beach/watching a movie "together". Talking. PT is probably equal in that it's all the better if me and my friend are sitting close enough to have our feet touching or when we hug etc). I get the most saddened if I don't get that quality time. Physical touch I definitely yearn for. Like hugs/cuddling/more hugs/ Massages are the best :heart: and so on. I just love being touched. It could be a hand on the shoulder, arm wrapped around me. I truly love it more then any acts of service/words of a reassurance or "gift". Though meaningful gifts are nice but I can live without them. I need time and touch.

(a very close) 2nd Physical Touch. I love feeling the physical touch always have. I remember when I was 15 and I was given the best back rub ever! My neice also loves to give me a backrub/brush my hair. I just love the sensation of touch. Don't have to say anything LOL. Just "touch" me dammit XD. *not naughty just like I crave that touch sensation, such simple things as having our feet touch/holding hands/placing their hands on me/hugs.*
Anything! LOL. Huggles are great btw :wubbie:.

I actually remember in a time that i was feeling really dark and all I wanted was my best friend to come over and physically reach out and hug me. That would make me feel like everything is lifted. I need physical contact/touch. Who knows maybe it's a stronger need then QT as I notice I'm raving over getting PT more then QT. QT just might be second as I would get QT via PT LOL. I notice I go bothering my cats alot cause I just need to physically hold them LOL.

My other cat from a few years ago would walk all over me and my back while kneading her paws. I was in heaven let's just put it that way. I always would pick her up and purposely hope she's knead her paws into my back LOL. I love the connection touch provides. But when it gets down to it I like "Time" best. I notice if I don't get QT with my friends/family but I get some words of reassurance thrown at me or a gift/act of service I feel like I'm being cheated out like "What you can't spend some actual time with me?/ Make room for me to nourish our connection. (secondary SX popping out too while I'm at it)".

Physical touch is a strong need but it's pretty clear when I look at what has hurt me more when I didn't receive it it's always QT that hurts the most to not receive. :)
 

Sarcasticus

Circus Maximus
Joined
May 3, 2008
Messages
1,037
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
5w4
What do the rest of you consider to be physical touch? In my case, I mean nothing more than a back rub when I'm stressed, or a quick peck on the cheek when she's walking by, just because. It doesn't have to be sexual at all.

I consider it any kind of sexual or non-sexual physical contact. In bed while we're sleeping I find myself putting my feet or hands on my gf just to get that contact buzz. I guess I'm an addict.
 

cascadeco

New member
Joined
Oct 7, 2007
Messages
9,083
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
sp is linked to enjoying material things and having them add to feeling secure.

On the other side sx would be linked to things that merge with the other person so time and touch would likely be up there, as it's my poorest instinct by a la-hong shot I don't find it surprising that the idea of those two love languages is appealing but the reality is a tad claustrophobic for me.




I'd go more along the lines of leading instinct influences leading love language, maybe, while the least comfortable instinct influences what isn't as important, maybe.

Eh.. dunno. fwiw, I am for sure sp-dom, and had considered myself sp/so. :shrug: Could it not be argued oppositely too, that when it comes to everyday life/interactions with everyone but my significant other, I am sp/so (which, incidentally, doesn't mean that I don't still desire deep and meaningful friendships - I'm just very selective in those, and also don't have a driving need to connect intimately or 'discover'/unravel everyone I meet), but my sig other is that extra special someone and the wrappings of sp/so dissolve and I'd rather them dissolve?
 

tibby

New member
Joined
Nov 22, 2008
Messages
682
MBTI Type
fool
I'm sp/sx but I feel my sx instinct very strongly sometimes and I crave intimacy. I love physical touch. Words are not as important as touch. I am very uncomfortable about it with even some friends (might be due to upbringing and other social factors), but I absolutely adore it, and am very affectionate, especially with a SO. Quality time ranks high, and gift giving (but it might be something like like creating little surprises for the people I love, and then hide it for them to find it - I like coming up with something new and surprising them etc, not buying stuff).

I don't have a problem hugging, touching etc. acquintances either (although might be a bit awkard about it).
 

Sparrow

New member
Joined
May 28, 2010
Messages
2,366
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
I am an NF: Quality Time & Words of Affirmation.

My friend from work had me take the 5 Love Languages test a while ago :).

It helped me to see that me and my SO have different styles of giving and receiving love. He dogs me on the Quality Time for TV...which hurts my feelings :(!! And I never realized that he was an Acts of Service kinda guy (his way of giving love). No wonder why he would get butt hurt if I didn't say anything or praise him for vacuuming the house lol.

If everyone knew what their lovers preferences were, relationships would be a little easier right!!!? :)
 

highlander

Administrator
Staff member
Joined
Dec 23, 2009
Messages
26,562
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
NT

Words of affirmation
Physical touch
 
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