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  1. #71
    Dreaming the life onemoretime's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenaphor View Post
    Not certain I fully understand the gifts correlation unless as an sp/so, you view gifts as concrete proof of caring and an action to take if you value someone, particularly if the gifts are tailored in a considerate way to the giftee. Is that correct or off by a mile?

    As for myself, being an sx/sp:

    sx = intimacy which includes physical touch.
    sp = quality time and effort, proof positive of caring.
    My guess -

    sx/sp - touch, and service (quality time is spent in helping someone else out)
    sp/sx - gifts, and words (showing intimacy, but not too much)
    sx/so - touch, and words (since time gets the two of you close, and words strengthen that social bond)
    so/sx - time, and touch (since your sexual instinct desires to intensify the social relationship)
    sp/so - gifts, and service (like nice things, but you really like giving and receiving nice things from loved ones)
    so/sp - time, and words (the greatest gift is to know that someone loves you, and that you love someone)

    Probably wrong, but what the hey?

  2. #72
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    FWIW, I am sp/sx and my choices are (1) quality time (by far), and (2) acts of service. I suspect it's that I can mostly take care of the sp alone. The quality time feeds sx, which cannot be done alone. Gifts of service somehow combine the two. Someone close to me knows me well enough to understand my needs, and cares about me enough to address some of them.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  3. #73
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenaphor View Post
    Not certain I fully understand the gifts correlation unless as an sp/so, you view gifts as concrete proof of caring and an action to take if you value someone, particularly if the gifts are tailored in a considerate way to the giftee. Is that correct or off by a mile?
    sp is linked to enjoying material things and having them add to feeling secure.

    On the other side sx would be linked to things that merge with the other person so time and touch would likely be up there, as it's my poorest instinct by a la-hong shot I don't find it surprising that the idea of those two love languages is appealing but the reality is a tad claustrophobic for me.


    Quote Originally Posted by onemoretime View Post
    My guess -

    sx/sp - touch, and service (quality time is spent in helping someone else out)
    sp/sx - gifts, and words (showing intimacy, but not too much)
    sx/so - touch, and words (since time gets the two of you close, and words strengthen that social bond)
    so/sx - time, and touch (since your sexual instinct desires to intensify the social relationship)
    sp/so - gifts, and service (like nice things, but you really like giving and receiving nice things from loved ones)
    so/sp - time, and words (the greatest gift is to know that someone loves you, and that you love someone)

    Probably wrong, but what the hey?
    I'd go more along the lines of leading instinct influences leading love language, maybe, while the least comfortable instinct influences what isn't as important, maybe.

    All I know is acts of service mean naught to me in terms of "love".

  4. #74
    :) INFtha14's Avatar
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    NF

    1st Quality Time (one on one ex: Sitting on a couch just talking/catching up/walking around the beach/watching a movie "together". Talking. PT is probably equal in that it's all the better if me and my friend are sitting close enough to have our feet touching or when we hug etc). I get the most saddened if I don't get that quality time. Physical touch I definitely yearn for. Like hugs/cuddling/more hugs/ Massages are the best and so on. I just love being touched. It could be a hand on the shoulder, arm wrapped around me. I truly love it more then any acts of service/words of a reassurance or "gift". Though meaningful gifts are nice but I can live without them. I need time and touch.

    (a very close) 2nd Physical Touch. I love feeling the physical touch always have. I remember when I was 15 and I was given the best back rub ever! My neice also loves to give me a backrub/brush my hair. I just love the sensation of touch. Don't have to say anything LOL. Just "touch" me dammit XD. *not naughty just like I crave that touch sensation, such simple things as having our feet touch/holding hands/placing their hands on me/hugs.*
    Anything! LOL. Huggles are great btw .

    I actually remember in a time that i was feeling really dark and all I wanted was my best friend to come over and physically reach out and hug me. That would make me feel like everything is lifted. I need physical contact/touch. Who knows maybe it's a stronger need then QT as I notice I'm raving over getting PT more then QT. QT just might be second as I would get QT via PT LOL. I notice I go bothering my cats alot cause I just need to physically hold them LOL.

    My other cat from a few years ago would walk all over me and my back while kneading her paws. I was in heaven let's just put it that way. I always would pick her up and purposely hope she's knead her paws into my back LOL. I love the connection touch provides. But when it gets down to it I like "Time" best. I notice if I don't get QT with my friends/family but I get some words of reassurance thrown at me or a gift/act of service I feel like I'm being cheated out like "What you can't spend some actual time with me?/ Make room for me to nourish our connection. (secondary SX popping out too while I'm at it)".

    Physical touch is a strong need but it's pretty clear when I look at what has hurt me more when I didn't receive it it's always QT that hurts the most to not receive.
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    (Carl Jung, Psychological Types, Chapter XI - Definitions)

  5. #75
    Circus Maximus Sarcasticus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by onemoretime View Post
    What do the rest of you consider to be physical touch? In my case, I mean nothing more than a back rub when I'm stressed, or a quick peck on the cheek when she's walking by, just because. It doesn't have to be sexual at all.
    I consider it any kind of sexual or non-sexual physical contact. In bed while we're sleeping I find myself putting my feet or hands on my gf just to get that contact buzz. I guess I'm an addict.

  6. #76
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kasper View Post
    sp is linked to enjoying material things and having them add to feeling secure.

    On the other side sx would be linked to things that merge with the other person so time and touch would likely be up there, as it's my poorest instinct by a la-hong shot I don't find it surprising that the idea of those two love languages is appealing but the reality is a tad claustrophobic for me.




    I'd go more along the lines of leading instinct influences leading love language, maybe, while the least comfortable instinct influences what isn't as important, maybe.
    Eh.. dunno. fwiw, I am for sure sp-dom, and had considered myself sp/so. Could it not be argued oppositely too, that when it comes to everyday life/interactions with everyone but my significant other, I am sp/so (which, incidentally, doesn't mean that I don't still desire deep and meaningful friendships - I'm just very selective in those, and also don't have a driving need to connect intimately or 'discover'/unravel everyone I meet), but my sig other is that extra special someone and the wrappings of sp/so dissolve and I'd rather them dissolve?
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  7. #77
    Senior Member tibby's Avatar
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    I'm sp/sx but I feel my sx instinct very strongly sometimes and I crave intimacy. I love physical touch. Words are not as important as touch. I am very uncomfortable about it with even some friends (might be due to upbringing and other social factors), but I absolutely adore it, and am very affectionate, especially with a SO. Quality time ranks high, and gift giving (but it might be something like like creating little surprises for the people I love, and then hide it for them to find it - I like coming up with something new and surprising them etc, not buying stuff).

    I don't have a problem hugging, touching etc. acquintances either (although might be a bit awkard about it).

  8. #78
    Senior Member Sparrow's Avatar
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    I am an NF: Quality Time & Words of Affirmation.

    My friend from work had me take the 5 Love Languages test a while ago .

    It helped me to see that me and my SO have different styles of giving and receiving love. He dogs me on the Quality Time for TV...which hurts my feelings !! And I never realized that he was an Acts of Service kinda guy (his way of giving love). No wonder why he would get butt hurt if I didn't say anything or praise him for vacuuming the house lol.

    If everyone knew what their lovers preferences were, relationships would be a little easier right!!!?
    Fe | Ni | Se | Ti ... 3w4 ... Lawful Neutral ... Johari -Nohari

  9. #79
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    NT

    Words of affirmation
    Physical touch

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  10. #80
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    ISTP

    Quality time.
    Physical touch.

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