[MBTI General] MBTI and the 5 Love Languages

[onemoretime]

I think there's also a corollary to all of this - the disfavored languages are very important, but only in restricted contexts.

For example, in my case:

Words - I don't need constant affirmation or ego-boosting, but I do need to know every once in a while what I mean to you. However, the rarity of it is important - that's how I know you mean it.

Service - Not so much little acts (I won't even notice), but a willingness to come through when I absolutely need your help

Gifts - if it shows that you really "get" me, then I won't forget it.

 

[miss fortune]

physical touch (which is funny, because I normally avoid physical contact with people... I don't even shake people's hands! If I like you I even make excuses to have my hands on you though )

acts of service... though I must admit that's in part because it makes ME feel good as well... the man and I have been in a one-upsmanship contest with one another on acts of service for a few years now

least favorite are words (I've been with too many liars) and gifts (shallow!)

sp/so for instinctual stackings... take that presumptions!

 

[Usehername]

quality time/physical touch

 

[highlander]

So, the ideal is probably to have the same preferences as the person you are with then.

 

[Hera]

NT: Quality time and physical touch

 

[ThatGirl]

Lol, I can't wait till all of you physical touch and quality time people come home from a hard day to find a lazy man in front of the tv who now wants to either talk about his feelings, his day, or have sex.....while you still have a million other things to do.

Just sayin!

 

[sui generis]

I'm an SJ (though barely S) and:
I like RECEIVING physical touch and words of affirmation. I also enjoy GIVING gifts and acts of service, though strangely don't view them as acts of love on the receiving end.

 

[StrawMan]

NT.

To fit my squarish self into a roundish hole, I would have to say:

1. Quality Time (which emcompasses very deep personal talk / exploration of world)

followed by

2. Physical Touch [not necessarily sex]

Words of Affirmation only work in the right context.
Gifts only work if your gift shows you know me uniquely.
Gifts of Service are appreciated pragmatically but don't really stroke me.

I wish those three things meant more to me, but typically they roll off my back, unless I am specifically asking for them.

To be honest, I just want to talk meaningfully and feel like someone knows me, and delights in me and who I am.

EDIT: I just skimmed the rest of the thread... ROFL

I relate a lot to all of this. I would add joking around and just having fun together in general to my idea of quality time.

 

[chachamaru]

physical touch (which is funny, because I normally avoid physical contact with people... I don't even shake people's hands! If I like you I even make excuses to have my hands on you though )

acts of service... though I must admit that's in part because it makes ME feel good as well... the man and I have been in a one-upsmanship contest with one another on acts of service for a few years now

least favorite are words (I've been with too many liars) and gifts (shallow!)

sp/so for instinctual stackings... take that presumptions!

Yes, yes, and yes.

I kept on typing Yeti.

 

[tinker683]

SJ

It depends on my relationship with them. Friends and family members get Gifts and Acts of service

My preference though when I'm with someone I'm romantically involved with? Physical touch primarily and quality time . I'm very touchy feely, as was my ENFJ which is why we did so well together. When I dated my ISTJ though...she didn't really care for that and that killed me.

And...and I'm Sx/So

 

[violaine]

Lol, I can't wait till all of you physical touch and quality time people come home from a hard day to find a lazy man in front of the tv who now wants to either talk about his feelings, his day, or have sex.....while you still have a million other things to do.

Just sayin!

Even in this scenario, I would probably be ok as long as I got physical contact. I need to be connected with the human that I love. Not necessarily sexually, though I'd never let anyone else touch me in the way a partner does. I just crave touch as a way to express feelings. I don't feel right if I don't have that outlet. My favorite things ever are laying my head in his lap and being patted and being completely entwined watching teev. I feel like I don't even need much else if I have those things. (Ridiculous, I know!)

 

[copperfish17]

I would have a hard time trying to put the 5 in a hierarchy... it really depends on the nature of the relationship I have with the person in question.

Words mean little to nothing to me unless it's from someone I like/love. Same deal with physical touch, gifts, quality time etc.

 

[Argentum]

NT. I will rank them and go through them. I grew up in a family with very different preferences than mine, so I can accept most.

1. Quality time—Time is the most precious commodity in my life.
2. Physical Touch—I don’t always communicate well with words. Though I MUST see it coming. Nothing angers me more than being touched at the wrong time…like when I’m trying to read. Or write. Or focused intensely upon a task. It disrupts my concentration and I don't take well to it.
3. Service—I work 40 hours as well as belong to a PhD program. I don’t have much time to do many everyday tasks like going to the store. Somebody who does these things for me, and does them right--before I need to ask them to do it--makes me feel deeply understood.
4. Words of Affirmation—I am not good at this, nor do I require it (sometimes it comes off as disingenuous). But my INFJ mate is good at this, so I have come to accept it.
5. Gift giving—I dislike feeling like I am buying somebody or being bought. But, if the message in the gift is salient, I will remember the gift forever. Though, my father is a strong gift giver, so I have learned to accept his gift style…he simply doesn’t know any way show he cares other than a signed check and a hug. He’s a very busy, strong-and-silent type.

 

[highlander]

My guess -

sx/sp - touch, and service (quality time is spent in helping someone else out)
sp/sx - gifts, and words (showing intimacy, but not too much)
sx/so - touch, and words (since time gets the two of you close, and words strengthen that social bond)
so/sx - time, and touch (since your sexual instinct desires to intensify the social relationship)
sp/so - gifts, and service (like nice things, but you really like giving and receiving nice things from loved ones)
so/sp - time, and words (the greatest gift is to know that someone loves you, and that you love someone)

Probably wrong, but what the hey?

I wonder if Enneagram type + instinctual subtype would have some better correlation. It doesn't seem like there is much correlation at all for MBTI.

 

[Ocean-Phoenix]

INFJ

1. Words
2. Touch
3. Gifts
4. Time
5. Acts

 

[RandomINTP]

1. Quality Time
I love taking time to analyze people and get to know them better. The more time you spend, the better you know someone.

2/3 tied. Physical Touch
This might contradict it, but to me, love and sex are in different categories, AND I don't like being touched, but intimacy changes it all (and I like changes).

2/3 tied. Words of Affirmation
I think it's important to know if they love me or not because it's crucial information. Also I want to know that they are thankful having someone as awesome and intellectually badass as me.

4. Acts of Service
Since I am lazy, it does help if they do my shit, but then there's things that aren't their business, no matter how much I love them. I like acts of service in general, but they are irrelevant in love. I don't speak this language.

5. Gifts
I am a very objective person. I don't care what the f##k they thought about when they bought me that present. I only care about the present itself. If it's bad, I would usually think lower of them but I never think low of someone I love. If it's good, awesome, but then again I am fascinated of that present at the moment and forget about the person, so this is a language I don't speak.

 

[autumnandtherain]

NF
quality time
physical touch
words of affirmation
gifts
acts of service

 

[Poetica]

NT

Quality Time
Gifts

 

[INTP]

NT

Quality Time
Physical Touch

 

[nos4a2]

NF

Touch
Words