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  1. #1
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    Default Are y'all ISFJs scared of intensity

    I have an ISFJ friend i talk to alot, and i often listen to her problems and help sort through them. One day, i opened up to her about something im really upset about, and she seemed a little confused as to how to react. I wondered if i had been too intense for her so i apologized but she told me she wasnt upset at all she just didnt know what to say.

    Ive noticed the same thing in other ISFJs. Are you guys a little scared of intensity, or am i misreading it all? If you can explain it in anyway that would be really nice

  2. #2
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    Actually, I think SFJs deal with emotional intensity much better than *some* other types.

    I think you'd see an INTJ run like fucking hell if you did the same thing.

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    My ISFJ mom is. Principally with my Fi things...

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    I've never had an SFJ who actually cared about me condemn me for acting slightly like an emo psycho, even if they didn't understand it or didn't know what to say.

    I think a key point though is to *never* do it in pubic, or at least not around someone whose good opinion they fear losing, and even then they'll just nag you to not do it again.

    This constant acceptance of those they've accepted into their inner circle is something I like about them. I've also met SFJs who are pretty damn emotionally intense themselves on occasion.

  5. #5
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    ^ Marm knows.

    My answer to the question in the OP is no.

  6. #6
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    One of my best friends is a probable ISFJ. I think she has tested both ISFJ and ISTJ, so maybe she is close on T/F, but the ISFJ profile seems to me to fit her much better. I don't think she's scared of intensity at all. I've vented to her quite a few times over the years, and she tends to have responses which are both compassionate and rational, which I appreciate a lot. Not that I've gone crazy with her or at her, but there have been some pretty intense moments and generally she has handled them well.

    Mind you, she did really misunderstand me in a somewhat hurtful way recently when I vented. I was feeling emotional at the time so I slightly lashed back and also misunderstand and hurt her. It was ok though, nothing to really damage the friendship. It had more to do with the problems of email communication than anything else, I think - we live on different continents, though we lived in the same city for many years before that.
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  7. #7
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Emectar View Post
    I have an ISFJ friend i talk to alot, and i often listen to her problems and help sort through them. One day, i opened up to her about something im really upset about, and she seemed a little confused as to how to react. I wondered if i had been too intense for her so i apologized but she told me she wasnt upset at all she just didnt know what to say.

    Ive noticed the same thing in other ISFJs. Are you guys a little scared of intensity, or am i misreading it all? If you can explain it in anyway that would be really nice
    Maybe whatever it was was something that she'd never heard before, and she wasn't sure how to act or what to say to make you feel better.

    Edit: Reread post. Yea, looks like that's what she told you, "I didn't know what to say." Can't read into that too much!
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  8. #8
    Senior Member Noon's Avatar
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    I'm somewhat uncomfortable with very strong emotional displays in those that are around my age or older. It's usually strong anger or extreme depressive states that apply the most.

    It's not exactly fear. I simply don't know how to properly or productively respond. I wouldn't judge or ridicule the person. I only tend to feel awkward. I usually experience the same awkwardness when or after I have a strong emotional display or outburst also.

    Maybe it's not a type thing. Maybe it's low EQ, underdeveloped social skills, or maybe it's simply reflective of how someone was emotionally 'nurtured' during their childhood.

  9. #9
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    I don't think that being an 'F' means you are the best to talk to about emotional issues.

    Case in point- a male ISFJ buddy I know- who went through a divorce with his wife, where I was one of those guys he'd seek out when he did want to vent- caught me at one point where I was a little down. Out of frustration I found myself repeating statements. Nothing crazy. I just remembered he snapped at me b/c I was saying the same thing. That ended that discussion, and we haven't been on the same level since. We still talk but not on that level.

    Contrast that with another ISFJ friend who loves the emotional outpourings. It's like he can't get enough of it. So it's defintely a case by case basis. The one thing I notice between the 2 is that the one who snapped is one of those guys who keeps a lot inside. Not a lot of strong Fe outbreaks. The one who is better will let it out- he'll be devastated, but it probably helps him relate to others better.

  10. #10
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Noon View Post
    I'm somewhat uncomfortable with very strong emotional displays in those that are around my age or older. It's usually strong anger or extreme depressive states that apply the most.

    It's not exactly fear. I simply don't know how to properly or productively respond. I wouldn't judge or ridicule the person. I only tend to feel awkward. I usually experience the same awkwardness when or after I have a strong emotional display or outburst also.
    .
    This.

    I actually, like IZthe411's 2nd friend, love emotional outpouring as it's an area I feel like I can relate most too with someone. It's when a person is pouring their heart out that they reveal the most about themselves so it's not only the best time for me to connect and get to know them (I hope all of that didn't sound weird) but it's also a time when it's completely acceptable for me to open up and show my nurturing side, particular with other guys. Some of my closest male friends are ones who've opened up to me some of the real pain and crap going on in there lives.

    I've found it's actually very easy to help people who are venting to me in this manner. I just listen to them, validate their feelings, and gently remind them of their own worth and value. This always works well with other Sensors but I've found that with the occasional Intuitives I always seem to lack...something...to make them feel better about themselves, what it is I don't know but I always walk away feeling like I didn't do enough
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