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  1. #1
    Senior Member Viridian's Avatar
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    Default Different types of shyness?

    I've been thinking about something that has bugged me for a while. Several descriptions of Fi talk about how it focuses on authenticity and not caring about social mores or "superficialities" or fitting in. However, I have heard several people claim that INFPs are more prone to shyness than INFJs. Combine that with INTJs and INTPs - iconoclasts, subverters of societal expectations - also claiming to be shy, and all hell breaks loose in my head. I reasoned that shyness was all about Fe, about wanting to achieve human contact but being afraid of rejection and humiliation.

    However, I began to wonder whether my definition of "shy" was not overly narrow-minded. Was it all just about the "chain of command"? Could there be several different manifestations of, and reasons for, shyness in different types?

    To make a long story short, do you believe different types are (potentially) shy in different ways or for diferent reasons? What are your experiences with those dynamics?

  2. #2
    ReflecTcelfeR
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    I think as far as the NT perspective it's not really shy-ness, but aloof-ness.

    As for Fi. Being very personal and fueling connections that may not exist, it may seem a daunting task to speak up especially if someone questions your connections, as logically explaining them to others may prove (Te) to be quite difficult. That pressure can shut anyone up.

  3. #3
    Another awesome member. Curator's Avatar
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    there probably are much different types of shyness, or behaviors perceived as shyness, in every type...to a certain extent or another...

  4. #4
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Viridian
    I reasoned that shyness was all about Fe, about wanting to achieve human contact but being afraid of rejection and humiliation.
    Fi users feel this too.

    and yes, different manifestations. let me think of some people i know...

    me (ENFP) - shyness in that i do not like being seen as unappealing. often in social situations i am hesitant to make the first move without getting my bearings first

    INTP (e5w6) - aloof, not really shy. often just doesn't want to interact

    INTP (e5w4) - shy - from disinterest, being more passive in general, and wanting to be nice to people

    INFP - awkward... not sure of how to properly interact

    ISFJ - interacting with a lot of people stresses her out

  5. #5
    Klingon Warrior Princess Patches's Avatar
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    I don't talk much in person and it's often interpreted as shyness. Usually it's not. I just dislike talking. There are certain situations that can make me uncomfortable/shy... But the majority of the time it's not the case.
    “Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside
    them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.” -Neil Gaiman

    ~

  6. #6
    Senior Member Viridian's Avatar
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    Thanks for your responses! Yes, I understand that shyness and aloofness are distinct from each other, but I seem to recall some INTxs saying they wanted friends but - due to their strenghts being in the rational/systematic realm - had difficulty in forming relationships, like some autistic people.

    ReflecttcelfeR, could you please expand on those "connections"? I'm looking forward to learning more about INFs (why, yes, I am uncertain about my own type, how didja know?), but the Fi/Fe thing is a minefield.

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    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Patches View Post
    I don't talk much in person and it's often interpreted as shyness. Usually it's not. I just dislike talking. There are certain situations that can make me uncomfortable/shy... But the majority of the time it's not the case.
    Yeah, I have an ISTJ brother who acts like that. Most of the time he doesn't want to talk and can sometimes get pretty angry if others attempt to engage him.
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  8. #8
    ReflecTcelfeR
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    Quote Originally Posted by Viridian View Post
    ReflecttcelfeR, could you please expand on those "connections"? I'm looking forward to learning more about INFs (why, yes, I am uncertain about my own type, how didja know?), but the Fi/Fe thing is a minefield.
    Most descriptions of Ne auxillary/dominant users end up saying something along the lines of "catching connections in the environment that others may miss" (Not because they can't find them, just it's not what they are searching for, it's all about preference). It's a strange example, but let's say that an Ne user looks at the color green and thinks that this color relates to the number 4. They feel that this is true, that what they're seeing actually exists and they find that ethically green being related to 4 is 'good'. How do you prove such a strange correlation (connection) and ethical statement? Thus the struggle lies with the duty of explaining your idea to others and doing so logically, which isn't the first step an INFP would take. The fear of not being able to express and found the idea could cause a paralysis, thus shyness. Its basis is on uncertainty.

    Strange, but I hope it got the point across.

  9. #9
    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
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    Fi dominants are said to feel more deeply than most. I think we're often shy because of insecurity. "What will this person think of me?" "What if what I say comes out sounding stupid?" etc. etc.

    I typically think of Fe as being less shy, as Fe is focused on what others feel versus what they themselves feel. IxFJ's, though introverted, may often appear extroverted, due to their desire to please or brighten those around them. They feel more of a pressure to converse.

    As for IxTx types that may appear shy... according to my INTJ roommate, he's shy because he worries he might bore others to tears, and that he believes most people to be focused on having fun versus real conversation. For other introverts that are thinkers, I would think it probably has to do with thinking/reflecting first before jumping in. They may find a reason for why their input may hold little significance or need for being spoken aloud.

    Another problem of my own is that sometimes I just don't realize I'm not conversing back. I take in the information others are giving me and will perhaps get lost in a thought, and just not realize that I should offer some sort of input to make it a back and forth conversation.

    I think what a lot of people mistaken for shyness is more often aloofness or less of a desire to speak.
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  10. #10
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    I know INTx types (myself included) who are shy about suddenly being "put on the spot". This could come in the form of being asked what we think about some issue we didn't read much up on or having to perform with insufficient internal preparation. I think it stems from fear of having their incompetency or ignorance somehow exposed.
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