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Different types of shyness?

Viridian

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I've been thinking about something that has bugged me for a while. Several descriptions of Fi talk about how it focuses on authenticity and not caring about social mores or "superficialities" or fitting in. However, I have heard several people claim that INFPs are more prone to shyness than INFJs. Combine that with INTJs and INTPs - iconoclasts, subverters of societal expectations - also claiming to be shy, and all hell breaks loose in my head. I reasoned that shyness was all about Fe, about wanting to achieve human contact but being afraid of rejection and humiliation.

However, I began to wonder whether my definition of "shy" was not overly narrow-minded. Was it all just about the "chain of command"? Could there be several different manifestations of, and reasons for, shyness in different types?

To make a long story short, do you believe different types are (potentially) shy in different ways or for diferent reasons? What are your experiences with those dynamics?
 
R

ReflecTcelfeR

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I think as far as the NT perspective it's not really shy-ness, but aloof-ness.

As for Fi. Being very personal and fueling connections that may not exist, it may seem a daunting task to speak up especially if someone questions your connections, as logically explaining them to others may prove (Te) to be quite difficult. That pressure can shut anyone up.
 

Curator

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there probably are much different types of shyness, or behaviors perceived as shyness, in every type...to a certain extent or another...
 

skylights

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Viridian said:
I reasoned that shyness was all about Fe, about wanting to achieve human contact but being afraid of rejection and humiliation.

Fi users feel this too. :yes:

and yes, different manifestations. let me think of some people i know...

me (ENFP) - shyness in that i do not like being seen as unappealing. often in social situations i am hesitant to make the first move without getting my bearings first

INTP (e5w6) - aloof, not really shy. often just doesn't want to interact

INTP (e5w4) - shy - from disinterest, being more passive in general, and wanting to be nice to people

INFP - awkward... not sure of how to properly interact

ISFJ - interacting with a lot of people stresses her out
 

Patches

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I don't talk much in person and it's often interpreted as shyness. Usually it's not. I just dislike talking. There are certain situations that can make me uncomfortable/shy... But the majority of the time it's not the case.
 

Viridian

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Thanks for your responses! Yes, I understand that shyness and aloofness are distinct from each other, but I seem to recall some INTxs saying they wanted friends but - due to their strenghts being in the rational/systematic realm - had difficulty in forming relationships, like some autistic people.

ReflecttcelfeR, could you please expand on those "connections"? I'm looking forward to learning more about INFs (why, yes, I am uncertain about my own type, how didja know?), but the Fi/Fe thing is a minefield.
 

Orangey

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I don't talk much in person and it's often interpreted as shyness. Usually it's not. I just dislike talking. There are certain situations that can make me uncomfortable/shy... But the majority of the time it's not the case.

Yeah, I have an ISTJ brother who acts like that. Most of the time he doesn't want to talk and can sometimes get pretty angry if others attempt to engage him.
 
R

ReflecTcelfeR

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ReflecttcelfeR, could you please expand on those "connections"? I'm looking forward to learning more about INFs (why, yes, I am uncertain about my own type, how didja know?), but the Fi/Fe thing is a minefield.

Most descriptions of Ne auxillary/dominant users end up saying something along the lines of "catching connections in the environment that others may miss" (Not because they can't find them, just it's not what they are searching for, it's all about preference). It's a strange example, but let's say that an Ne user looks at the color green and thinks that this color relates to the number 4. They feel that this is true, that what they're seeing actually exists and they find that ethically green being related to 4 is 'good'. How do you prove such a strange correlation (connection) and ethical statement? Thus the struggle lies with the duty of explaining your idea to others and doing so logically, which isn't the first step an INFP would take. The fear of not being able to express and found the idea could cause a paralysis, thus shyness. Its basis is on uncertainty.

Strange, but I hope it got the point across.
 

Sunny Ghost

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Fi dominants are said to feel more deeply than most. I think we're often shy because of insecurity. "What will this person think of me?" "What if what I say comes out sounding stupid?" etc. etc.

I typically think of Fe as being less shy, as Fe is focused on what others feel versus what they themselves feel. IxFJ's, though introverted, may often appear extroverted, due to their desire to please or brighten those around them. They feel more of a pressure to converse.

As for IxTx types that may appear shy... according to my INTJ roommate, he's shy because he worries he might bore others to tears, and that he believes most people to be focused on having fun versus real conversation. For other introverts that are thinkers, I would think it probably has to do with thinking/reflecting first before jumping in. They may find a reason for why their input may hold little significance or need for being spoken aloud.

Another problem of my own is that sometimes I just don't realize I'm not conversing back. I take in the information others are giving me and will perhaps get lost in a thought, and just not realize that I should offer some sort of input to make it a back and forth conversation.

I think what a lot of people mistaken for shyness is more often aloofness or less of a desire to speak.
 

Such Irony

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I know INTx types (myself included) who are shy about suddenly being "put on the spot". This could come in the form of being asked what we think about some issue we didn't read much up on or having to perform with insufficient internal preparation. I think it stems from fear of having their incompetency or ignorance somehow exposed.
 

copperfish17

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^ This kind of thing has the potential to make me shut down in an instant. :laugh:

I think what a lot of people mistaken for shyness is more often aloofness or less of a desire to speak.

Yeah, I agree with this. Whenever people tell me they think I'm shy, I just roll my eyes and get on with my life.
 

William K

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Thus the struggle lies with the duty of explaining your idea to others and doing so logically, which isn't the first step an INFP would take. The fear of not being able to express and found the idea could cause a paralysis, thus shyness. Its basis is on uncertainty.

I could agree with that. I'd also add that I tend to not want to impose my values on others, and explaining why I'm passionate about something would seem too 'preachy' to me
 

Thalassa

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Yes. Most people would say I am not shy, that I am outspoken, or that I obviously like to perform, etc. ...however, I can actually be very self-conscious if I have strong feelings for a person, and have also suffered from social anxiety in the past.

I actually think part of my performing is to compensate for childhood shyness, or something. Public/private self, gah.
 

Fluffywolf

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What I have found in my personal experience, is that if something is happening that should normally make me feel 'shy' but I have the time to organise my thoughts about it, I can move on with it without feeling any restraints.

This leads me to think that INTP's are not shy in the sense that they feel emotionally restrained to go further with something. But rather have the need to stop and 'rationalize' what is going on, lacking the impulsiveness to go further with something. And it is when we are pressured into moving forward, whilest we really want to stop and go over the situation, is when we start feeling 'negatively' emotionally involved or 'shy'. Not because we are actually shy, but uncomfortable with being rushed into some situations that have importance. And this comes off, even feels as, being shy.

So whilest I agree with what some others have said about shyness being correlated to uncertainty. I do think there are different kinds of shyness a person can have.

For INTP's who want to dissect everything into thoughtprocesses. Not getting the time to do so will result in us putting on our breaks. But there is very little direct emotional involvement in the process. The emotional involvement appears to be a side-effect to the core issue. Sprouting from pressure either put on by ourselves or by others in out surroundings.

For INFP's I imagine that not feeling 'right' about something, being 'new' to something on a more emotional level, is what puts on their breaks. And the emotional involvement is the core of the issue.


PS: I don't mean to portray shyness as something horribly negative. Obviously shyness can be an issue for some people and that I recognize, but on the whole, I think of it as a good quality in people. In fact, I sometimes experience having trust issues with people who are apparantly not shy at all. Or just find their behaviour immature, naive and unwise, depending on the situation.
 

Eric B

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Shyness, we would of course automatically associate with introversion. In the temperament models, introversion is what is known as "low expressiveness". The closest thing to the classic temperaments in the type system are the Interaction Styles, which use I/E as one of the factors. Yet, there are also Keirsey's temperaments, which are blind (all four evenly divided) to I/E.

What I have identified as the "expressiveness" factor on those groups would be Pragmatic/Cooperative. Pragmatic "does what works", and will thus be quicker to take action, while Cooperative "does what's right", and will thus end up slower. NT and SP are pragmatic, while NF and SJ are cooperative.

So INT's will be shy on the social level, but when they feel confident about something (because they think it "works"), they will then become aggressive. ISP's are likely this way as well. INFP's are both introverted and cooperative, so they are all around very non-expressive.

The other factor, "responsiveness" may also figure. This is about how much the person wants to be approached by others. Directives (ST/NJ) on the social level basically have the attitude of "don't call me; I'll call you" (regardless of how much they express to or approach others). Structure-focused (NT/SJ) will want less interference from others in leadership and responsibilities outside of their chosen structure. So that might lead to more of an appearance of "aloofness".

And of course, functions such as Fe will figure as well.
 

Viridian

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I know INTx types (myself included) who are shy about suddenly being "put on the spot". This could come in the form of being asked what we think about some issue we didn't read much up on or having to perform with insufficient internal preparation. I think it stems from fear of having their incompetency or ignorance somehow exposed.

This in particular makes a lot of sense - NT have "competency" as a core value and a confidence point ("You know what you're talking about"), so their vulnerability could be found there. I've also theorized that inferior Fe in INTPs can be a quite vulnerable spot, as inferior functions are apparently prone to.

And, for the record, I do not equate introversion with shyness - I've heard quite a few ENFPs say in this very forum that they were shy. BTW, from what I hear about Fi, it seems to have a "love it or leave it" attitude; I guess I was wrong on that account?

Also, thanks for the reply, Reflect! I get what you mean - the associations made in the "If types were food..." thread, for example, seem to have a bizarre logic behind them, even if it's more "gutty" than expressible. Ne is a bit of a black box that way. :newwink:

PS: Sorry for taking so long to answer. I just came back from Orlando.
 
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William K

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Ok, I think diffidence is the more 'correct' word to describe the shyness. It is probably also one reason why NFs apologize so much.
 
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