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  1. #1
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Default To my fellow P's...

    Short version: Why do you tell people you will do something and then never do it?

    Longer version:

    To my P brethren,

    I have a major gripe with you (errr, with us, that is). I have been a staunch defender of Pness :steam: on this site - I definitely see the benefits of it and no J is going to tell me that it has no value. A common conception is that P is "worthless", but it has it's benefits for sure - namely, creativity, the ability to improvise on the spot, good problem solving, thinking outside the proverbial box, etc. On the other hand, we deal with things like procrastination, not wanting to make "final decisions" (committing to one thing), and sometimes being downright flaky and unreliable. It's been my experience that with age and experience, we get much, much better in these areas if we choose to.

    But, on to the gripe. Let's say you have a "P" co-worker (like an "IT" guy or something similar to that) who is constantly saying stuff like, "OK, yeah, I'll be there in 10 minutes to help you out." And then 2 days goes by and you've heard nothing from them again. Or, "I'll bring the piece of equipment to your office in about an hour." And then the whole week goes by and you never heard from them.

    So, the next week rolls around and you still need their help. So, you put on your "nice face" and you go to their office and they go, "Oh hey, what's up?!" And you say something butt-kissy ridiculous like, "Oh yeah, everything's groovy. Just lovin' life. How about you? How you feelin'? You need help moving this weekend or need your lawn mowed, just let me know. I love working on Sundays." And then they're like, "Yeah, so what can I do for you?" And you're like, "Remember about 6 days ago when you said you'd come by and fix X?" And then the P co-worker says, "Oh yeah, yeah, sorry about that. Let me finish up what I'm doing here and grab a cup of coffee - you know, Monday morning and all hahahaha - and I'll be there in about 30 minutes.

    So, you're thinking "OK, cool. Finally got this squared away. Don't have to think about it anymore." And then another day comes and goes and you realize that knucklehead never followed through. And this literally continues and continues and continues with various items.

    What is the best way to deal with this person? I could tell the boss and the stuff would get done in short order, but (a) I'm not a rat, (b) the boss is too busy to deal with that stuff, and (c) I don't want to burn bridges with "P" guy.

    How in the WORLD do you deal with a person like this? And why do they do it? Is it complete and total laziness? Complete lack of organization/planning? I mean, there are some people that the P is just WAY out of control. What to do?
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  2. #2
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    If you consider all things and think about everything possible in the end you'll find out it's your Pness that is too big (this sentence was genius ).

    The solution is easy, you have a different work attitutde and if you need your colleague to change you have to tell him. Instead you are being nice and playing along with his shit, he will never change. You should go to him and have another talk with him. Ask him why he is always letting you down and how he thinks your future working together could work that way. Play some hard cards make him a bad conciencse and say you dont get your work finished when he lets you down. Then be soft and ask him if he has problems in his personal life which kleep him occupied, try to get him to tell you a reason tho their probably isnt one.

    I had the same situation with a colleague and since I am no rat aswell it ended that I am doing the work for the colleague now aswell, because he's just too slow and unreliable. It sometimes just sucks like that. You'll tho definitly need to confront that guy and sort things out between you. Either for the good or for the bad, otherwise his unreliability will kill you.
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  3. #3
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Well, I'm new, so I'm walking carefully. But, I played a "hard card" once to see what would happen. I said "Hey, you never helped me with X last week!" And he said, "Yeah, I'll do it whenever I get around to it." I said, "Is that your way of telling me to get off your back? I can take that statement 2 different ways....." *he stands up, walks to my office and completes the task immediately*. But, it's not in my nature to have ongoing conflict or to talk this way to him on a continuing basis. So, I go back to being nice to him and the procrastinating starts again. I guess I just have to talk to the guy and tell it like it is. It's not working, something needs to change, my friend.

    Not to be a complainer, but this, folks, is why INTP's prefer to work alone. Every single person that you come into contact with presents some sort of problem/obstacle/issue/etc. It's sometimes as if you have to perform so much maintenance just to keep the relationship/friendship in "working order". Why do I have to be a circus performer (walk on a high-wire, wrestle with tigers and elephants, and let monkeys throw poop at me) just for you to bring a piece of equipment to my office in a timely manner?
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  4. #4
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    If you consider all things and think about everything possible in the end you'll find out it's your Pness that is too big
    *looks in pants* Yes, in all likelihood this is a true statement.

    (this sentence was genius ).
    The comeback was even better than your original statement.

    Haha - entropie, you have one of the best senses of humor on this site, IMO.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  5. #5
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    I can understand your feeling completly. I thought of this as an important life lesson to be learnt. We have a totally incompetent guy in our office, he's not only dumb but a smart-alec aswell. He recently gets into troubles with people cause he alwaqys wants to do things another way than he has been told; he is straining and getting on your nerves. He writes press texts a very important task, but since he's there we havent published a thing in a while. People even go to different departments to ask other press guys to write texts cause nobody likes that guy.

    I am playing nice with him, I take his shit I even go with him on lunch breaks and am probably the only one. It's very hard to stand him, he can be such a smart-alec you want to hit his face in an instant, but well it's a challenge.

    What you say with intps want to work alone, I can understand your anger but you know working alone will never be the key. What first of all goes down the river when working alone is versatility and new insights, new approaches to situations. Plus of course you cant run a big operation alone. My girlfriend an infp gave me a different onlook onto the situatzion regarding complcated colleagues: she just said, see it as an opportunity for you to grow. And I think these small words hold more depth than we NT guys are ever able to imagine

    P.S.: hehe thx regarding the humor compliment
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  6. #6
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    Figure out what his external judgement function is. Act appropriately.

    Fe- Hey...the fact that you are constantly blowing me off is making me angry.
    Te- Hey...the fact that you are constantly blowing me off is making me less productive.

    If anyone told me that I was annoying them in some way, especially if I didn't know I was annoying them, I would go to great lengths to try to make it right. I imagine it's the same for inferior Te users.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mkenya View Post
    If anyone told me that I was annoying them in some way, especially if I didn't know I was annoying them, I would go to great lengths to try to make it right. I imagine it's the same for inferior Te users.
    Same here. I'm of the opinion that it's my tert Fe that Js me up a bit. I'll be a lazy bum when it's just me, but if I know my not doing the dishes is gonna make my roommate mad, then I'll do the dishes.

    As for the OPs problem, just confront him about it. Be straightforward. Just cause he's a P doesn't give him an excuse to blow you off. You and I both don't get that privilege. Just cause it doesn't come naturally doesn't mean we're incapable of being organized. He needs to learn that and better now than later.

    At the very least, if you talk to him, he probably won't blow you off again. He'll either fear you or respect you for speaking up. You win either way!

  8. #8
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mkenya View Post
    Figure out what his external judgement function is. Act appropriately.

    Fe- Hey...the fact that you are constantly blowing me off is making me angry.
    Te- Hey...the fact that you are constantly blowing me off is making me less productive.

    If anyone told me that I was annoying them in some way, especially if I didn't know I was annoying them, I would go to great lengths to try to make it right. I imagine it's the same for inferior Te users.


    aim for sensitive functions and fire. given Fi dom/aux, aiming for Fi might actually work better...

    Fi: hey the fact that you are constantly blowing me off is making me feel like i really don't mean anything at this workplace, and that you really don't care about me as a person .

  9. #9
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    He's ESTP. And yeah, it looks like I'll have to talk to him and see if we can fix the problem while still staying on good terms - although at this point, staying on good terms is secondary.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  10. #10
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    Short version: Why do you tell people you will do something and then never do it?

    Longer version:

    To my P brethren,

    I have a major gripe with you (errr, with us, that is). I have been a staunch defender of Pness :steam: on this site - I definitely see the benefits of it and no J is going to tell me that it has no value. A common conception is that P is "worthless", but it has it's benefits for sure - namely, creativity, the ability to improvise on the spot, good problem solving, thinking outside the proverbial box, etc. On the other hand, we deal with things like procrastination, not wanting to make "final decisions" (committing to one thing), and sometimes being downright flaky and unreliable. It's been my experience that with age and experience, we get much, much better in these areas if we choose to.

    But, on to the gripe. Let's say you have a "P" co-worker (like an "IT" guy or something similar to that) who is constantly saying stuff like, "OK, yeah, I'll be there in 10 minutes to help you out." And then 2 days goes by and you've heard nothing from them again. Or, "I'll bring the piece of equipment to your office in about an hour." And then the whole week goes by and you never heard from them.

    So, the next week rolls around and you still need their help. So, you put on your "nice face" and you go to their office and they go, "Oh hey, what's up?!" And you say something butt-kissy ridiculous like, "Oh yeah, everything's groovy. Just lovin' life. How about you? How you feelin'? You need help moving this weekend or need your lawn mowed, just let me know. I love working on Sundays." And then they're like, "Yeah, so what can I do for you?" And you're like, "Remember about 6 days ago when you said you'd come by and fix X?" And then the P co-worker says, "Oh yeah, yeah, sorry about that. Let me finish up what I'm doing here and grab a cup of coffee - you know, Monday morning and all hahahaha - and I'll be there in about 30 minutes.

    So, you're thinking "OK, cool. Finally got this squared away. Don't have to think about it anymore." And then another day comes and goes and you realize that knucklehead never followed through. And this literally continues and continues and continues with various items.

    What is the best way to deal with this person? I could tell the boss and the stuff would get done in short order, but (a) I'm not a rat, (b) the boss is too busy to deal with that stuff, and (c) I don't want to burn bridges with "P" guy.

    How in the WORLD do you deal with a person like this? And why do they do it? Is it complete and total laziness? Complete lack of organization/planning? I mean, there are some people that the P is just WAY out of control. What to do?
    I don't. Not at work anyway. I might drag ass at some things, but definately not things that my work is riding me about. Have you seen the economy right now? Your talking livlihood. And to be honest, I've worked with ALOT of IT guys for quite a few companies.. and I've been pushed off once or twice, but not continuously, and NOT after I've gone over to IT guys desk and verbalized the problem and that I'm waiting (tap tap tap my foot). My P preference is really high too. I agree with you, I don't like to be a rat EVER if I can avoid it. But I don't see taking it a bit higher or making a comment about it as a rat, if its efen up your work. If IT guy continues to push you off, and it causes you in some way to NOT perform the duties you need to, then it needs to be addressed. Chances are its not ONLY you being forgotten. Ofcourse I would try to make it really clear to IT guy the next time I see him.. that by not fixing said problem your work is affected and if someone comes down on you about it your going to have to explain that IT guy is blowen you off, and that you "don't want anyone to get into trouble." If that doesn't yank his chain a bit, I say throw him under the bus. =)
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

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