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I don't get this NF-NT pairing thing

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brainheart

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I'd say my friends primarily tend to be NFs (with some NTs, SPs, and SJs tossed in there) and those I seem to be attracted to irl tend to be SPs. SPs seem to be the golden ticket- they get me out of my head, make me have fun, lighten me up. NTs, on the other hand, keep me in my head and make me feel too emotional. So what's this about, eh? Any NT/NF pairs out there got anything positive to say about it?
 
V

violaine

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I'm INFJ. I think I react similarly to NTs. I feel somehow more connected at a root level to the NTs I know but they make me feel really emotional, sometimes in very bad ways. I'm attracted to NTs though. The SPs I know are pure and fun and I feel so much lighter with them and much less emotional. Everything is less dramatic. But I do tend to feel like I'm operating in a 2D realm with them and not 3D as with NTs. I don't know if that's a positive or negative. I don't like feeling as emotional as I sometimes do with NTs.
 

skylights

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i like NTs a lot, because they'll play N with me and provide a nice objective balance to my F, which i struggle with sometimes. they are probably the temperament i relate to most easily after NF, i assume because my N is so strong and i have tert T.

they can piss me off like no other, though. :tongue:

my friends IRL tend to be female FJs, and male NTs. it strikes me that my mom is FJ and my dad NT. lol!
 

CrystalViolet

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I wonder if this preference depends on how heavily slanted you are in intuition/sensory functions and feeling/thinking. BFF is sp, but I think his tert. Ni is on steriods. How ever my serious relationships have been with N's mostly, not necessarily just NT's. Sp's are light and fluffy. I like snacking on them, and they are terrible morish. I keep wanting more.
NT's are like steak, you want to sink your teeth into them.
 
B

brainheart

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It's your choice to be in your head. Or not.

Oh really? :eyeroll: I'm just saying that when I hang with NTs we both seem to be locked in the head space. It just doesn't seem all that healthy. I like them plenty, they make for good friends, good conversations (when they aren't getting all stubborn about logical consistencies and defining terms). It's just that with SPs I'm less in my natural element. I feel like I become more well-rounded with them, more in touch with the external world.
 

rav3n

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How can anyone make anyone else feel more emotional? This is something within yourselves where you're projecting your internal conflict onto NTs.

Not attracted to NFs but enjoy them as friends and acquaintances.
 

cascadeco

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I don't know.. I'm quite happy with my intj and I have several NT friends, and I've never felt too emotional or been told by them/treated by them as if they think I'm too emotional. :shrug: Sometimes I think they are amused by certain things about me, but I guess that doesn't bother me. I think as far as emotional expression we're basically the same, honestly; although when it comes to happy/energetic emotions I am generally much more demonstrative of those and more bouncy. :) I think that's the main difference, really - they tend not to be as expressive w/ positive feelings.

But I love that we're on a similar intellectual wavelength, and I've also never had issues with the 'having fun' element -if anything, when we're together, my intj is able to kinda let go and be really playful and such, and we have common interests/activities that we enjoy doing together. Also, all of my friends - regardless of type - tend to be pretty active people who aren't purely cerebral, so none of us really have a problem having fun and doing stuff like that - including the NT's. ;)
 

skylights

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Metaphor said:
How can anyone make anyone else feel more emotional? This is something within yourselves where you're projecting your internal conflict onto NTs.

i understand that feeling. it's actually the opposite of projecting - it's the other person relentlessly projecting followed by self-fulfilling prophecy. it's usually between NFPs and NTPs, ime - INTPs especially, who tend to get impatient with Fi, and argue that because you're expressing emotion, you can't also be rational. big difference between rational and logical, though.

the frustration is that you know that emotional expression is not clouding your understanding, but the NTP insists that it is, which makes you more upset, which makes the NTP harp on it even more, which makes you eventually break down and the NTP seems to "win". it's just like one giant downward toilet flush spiral for the NFP.
 
V

violaine

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How can anyone make anyone else feel more emotional? This is something within yourselves where you're projecting your internal conflict onto NTs.

Yes, emotionality is something that comes from inside. For me, it's not projection, it's that different parts of my interior come to the surface depending upon whom I'm interacting with. The NTs I've been with have expressed that they feel similarly when we interact, i.e. strong emotions, that are often dormant for them, are tapped by our interactions.
 

rav3n

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i understand that feeling. it's actually the opposite of projecting - it's the other person relentlessly projecting followed by self-fulfilling prophecy. it's usually with NTPs, ime, INTPs especially, who tend to get impatient with Fi, and argue that because you're expressing emotion, you can't also be rational. big difference between rational and logical, though.

the frustration is that you know that emotional expression is not clouding your understanding, but the NTP insists that it is, which makes you more upset, which makes the NTP harp on it even more, which makes you eventually break down and the NTP seems to "win". it's just like one giant downward toilet flush spiral for the NFP.
When someone is this stubborn and is in essence being manipulative, why not walk away from them? If you do it with disdain and don't show they can get to you, there's no fun or self-perceived win on their side.

Yes, emotionality is something that comes from inside. For me, it's not projection, it's that different parts of my interior come to the surface depending upon whom I'm interacting with. The NTs I've been with have expressed that they feel similarly when we interact, i.e. strong emotions, that are often dormant for them, are tapped by our interactions.
Looking back at your original post, it looks like you need the dynamics of strong emotions to feel connected to someone. If that's the case, you're going to create the environment that gives you what you need.
 
V

violaine

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Yes, I need to feel strongly about someone to feel bonded. Otherwise I would just remain single. I'm going to create the environment I need in a relationship in that I am only in relationships with people who elicit strong emotion from me. I prefer these to be positive emotions.
 

cascadeco

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Yes, I need to feel strongly about someone to feel bonded. Otherwise I would just remain single. I'm going to create the environment I need in a relationship in that I am only in relationships with people who elicit strong emotion from me. I prefer these to be positive emotions.

Well yes, I think I'm the same way.... it seems I was interpreting the OP differently though - I think I'm focusing on something else.
 

skylights

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When someone is this stubborn and is in essence being manipulative, why not walk away from them? If you do it with disdain and don't show they can get to you, there's no fun or self-perceived win on their side.

absolutely, i totally agree. it's taken me a long time to get to a place of being able to see this, though. i'm still not very good at it.

i suspect that strong Fi makes it hard to just walk away because there's a driving need for the other person to understand and accept you. it's kind of an identity thing - you don't want them thinking you're something you're not (irrational), so you try to show them otherwise... and end up just digging yourself deeper. walking away feels to Fi like you're losing, though, because it feels like you're giving up by allowing the other person to think you're something that you aren't. like you're sacrificing who you are, almost.
 

Emectar

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How can anyone make anyone else feel more emotional? This is something within yourselves where you're projecting your internal conflict onto NTs.

Not attracted to NFs but enjoy them as friends and acquaintances.

NTs can make you more emotional because they often call attention to your emotion with their extreme lack of it. Around other temperaments, the contrast isnt so sharp.
 

INTP

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different people look for different things out of their mates. some NFs prefer the balance that NTs give to their F and have the N there as common way of seeing the world. some NFs prefer clones from themselves as mates who they can live in their own little la la land with etc etc. its just a personal preference, it seems to be pretty common for people to look for qualities that offer balance for them in their mates
 

Domino

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OP: The dynamics are very different, yes. My ENFP sister likes both NTJs and INFJs, and there a big difference between them as far as vibe goes. ENFP with INTJ for her is not the same as INFJ. She feels a "soul mate" situation with other NFs, and a mind-heart connection with NTJs.
 

rav3n

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absolutely, i totally agree. it's taken me a long time to get to a place of being able to see this, though. i'm still not very good at it.

i suspect that strong Fi makes it hard to just walk away because there's a driving need for the other person to understand and accept you. it's kind of an identity thing - you don't want them thinking you're something you're not (irrational), so you try to show them otherwise... and end up just digging yourself deeper. walking away feels to Fi like you're losing, though, because it feels like you're giving up by allowing the other person to think you're something that you aren't. like you're sacrificing who you are, almost.
As a wonky/baby Fi user, Fi comes on strong for me too when it manifests so I understand where you're coming from completely. Think of it this way. How many NTJs or ENTPs like "losing" or walking away? INTPs are naturally passive-aggressive so it's easier for them although one way to push their buttons in return is to erode on or devastate the framework of their arguments. :laugh:

NTs can make you more emotional because they often call attention to your emotion with their extreme lack of it. Around other temperaments, the contrast isnt so sharp.
We don't really lack emotions. Where we're different is how we decision make. NTs try and not always accomplish decision-making through their thinking function where NFs decision make through their feeling function. Within ENTJs who are 8w7 sx/sps, our emotions can be volcanic in nature.
 
N

NPcomplete

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my friends IRL tend to be female FJs, and male NTs. it strikes me that my mom is FJ and my dad NT. lol!

I was thinking about this today! My dad is an INTP and my mom an ENFJ. My almost bff is an ENFJ. I suspect that my closest male friend is an NFJ as well. I find it natural to talk to NFJs and NTPs actually (but it's a bit harder to get that close to NTPs sometimes). I suspect the NFJs think I'm a lost soul that needs some direction (their words, not mine) so they take me under their wings.

It's interesting that some of you have mentioned the feeling emotional thing. I find that it happens to me as well when I'm talking to the NFJ boy. He goes into T-mode and I find I need to go into F-mode (and defend the ones with no voice).
 

Eric B

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I'd say my friends primarily tend to be NFs (with some NTs, SPs, and SJs tossed in there) and those I seem to be attracted to irl tend to be SPs. SPs seem to be the golden ticket- they get me out of my head, make me have fun, lighten me up. NTs, on the other hand, keep me in my head and make me feel too emotional. So what's this about, eh? Any NT/NF pairs out there got anything positive to say about it?
While NF and SP appear to have nothing in common according to Keirsey's temperament matrix; Linda Berens introduced a "cross-factor" that ties them together, and explains what you describe.
Both are "motive-focused", which basically is a people focus as opposed to task focus. They like to work with others rather than force them into a structure. So yes, they will seem more "fun" to each other than the more serious NT's and SJ's.
Meanwhile, of course, what you will have in common with the NT's is the iNtuition, and you will differ on T/F (impersonal vs personal and emotional).

NT's and SJ's will sync more in maintaining structures; though they will disagree as to whether the structures are concrete (organizations, etc) or abstract (plans, ideas).
 
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