I don't get this NF-NT pairing thing

[The_World_As_Will]

lol boy you INFPs sure know some fucked up INTPs..... *questions his own INTPness* sucks that the unhealthy INTPs make more of an impct then the few and far between Healthy ones :/


and Really awesome Avatar OrangeAppled, I like it

 

[OrangeAppled]

lol boy you INFPs sure know some fucked up INTPs..... *questions his own INTPness* sucks that the unhealthy INTPs make more of an impct the few and far between Healthy ones :/


and Really awesome Avatar OrangeAppled, I like it

Yeah, I've dealt with some screwy INTPs. No worries...NFPs have a crazy rep too .
And thanks

 

[InvisibleJim]

I'll be direct and honest with you. NFPs have a better mixture of feminine sexual/intelligent flavour to me than other NT's. They react well with ny NTJness and it makes me feel positive and encouraged when I'm around them, that's why I'm interested in them. I'm not saying that is true in all cases of NT or NTJ or INTJ.

 

[Athenian200]

My pet theory about NF-NT pairing, is that it usually works like this:

xNFJ - xNTP
xNTJ - xNFP

An NTJs best friend is an NFP, because deep down they want someone to whom they can reveal their inner feelings (Fi) without fear of judgement on their competence (Te).
An NFJs best friend is an NTP, because deep down they want someone to whom they can reveal their actual thoughts (Ti) without fear of judgement on their decency (Fe).

An NTJ and NFJ would make good friends, advisers, co-workers, and counselors for each other, but there would be no chemistry because they're too similar in some way, and ironically because of that similarity, they tend to look down on one another for the way they make decisions on some level, even if they consciously try to overcome it. The feelings would be more like those between siblings.

Of course, I'm describing a general scenario here, not saying that things can't work between individuals of any type. Just saying what's likely to work out in theory, assuming both people have typed themselves correctly in the first place (which they might not have done). Instincts are always better than logic, though, so don't let this prescription stop you from pursuing someone you like.

 

[INTP]

An NTJs best friend is an NFP, because deep down they want someone to whom they can reveal their inner feelings (Fi) without fear of judgement on their competence (Te).

its not only NTJs who want to be able to reveal their inner feelings and doesent want their SO to judge them and thats why prefer FP types. inner feelings doesent mean Fi, Fi is just a decision making function. like i mentioned earlier, its just a preference what people look in their SO, some NTJs prefer someone who they can talk about science and other stuff like that. some NTPs prefer someone who they can trust their feelings to

 

[Mephistopheles]

Interesting....I find NTPs misinterpret MY black humor, but I don't do the same to them. Related to the above quote, they try to project emotion on me when I was taking a mocking tone or an exaggeratedly morose tone merely for humorous effect. Even on this message board I've seen double standards for flippant tones in NTPs & NFPs.

Isn't coming your idealism in your way if you "use" black humor? That's not meant as an insult, but rather as a honest question. I start to get how Fe works and even use it myself increasingly often, but I still don't exactly get (Ne-)Fi. Don't you think something like "That shouldn't be laughed about, these people
are suffering!" or something similarily morally, dependent on the issue?

It's true that both Fe and Fi can react personal to an unpersonally meant statement; As it seemed to me until now, Fe-User can react personally involved to the simple act of arguing too hard against them(unfortunately, I did this myself sometimes in the past, but now that I got aware, I try to avoid it), while Fi-User - in my experience - react personally if they feel that their worldview is attacked.

I wonder if this is the flipside of what I see as: "Telling me what I think & why without actually grasping what I think correctly & then continuing to insist you're right & its the 'truth' when I attempt to explain you have it all wrong." I mean, how could anyone possibly know what & how I think better than I do? And then to pass it off as ME being deluded?

I think I understand what you mean; I know it as "scarecrow-argumentation": Instead of arguing with the person himself, one builds up a "scarecrow" with related, but not identical arguments which are easier to dismantle than the "real" arguments of the person. This often happens unconsciously, so it's usually not intended(in politics though, it sometimes is). It typically happens if someone in fact isn't interested in finding the truth about an issue, but rather just wants to force his opinion on others, so I'd say it should be more of a Je-thing.

Also, a problem with MBTI for me is that I know nearly no XNXP very good personally, so I have to guess a bit about NFPs (Friends are mostly SPs and NJs). I usually try to look for people who are as unconventional and theoretical as I am, but with a way stronger sense for moral and ethics. There are some in my classes that seem that way(and, additionally, act as said before), but I'm not completely sure.

 

[slowriot]

I agree, I think INTPs can be quite sensitive/emotional, I certainly am, I also think it has to be taken into account the emotional/psychological healthy of anNT or an NF during interactions. I have extremely great interactions with INFPs, I guess because my Ti isn't as harsh, or i'm just psychologically healthy than other INTPs who are rather err ruthless when they try to act all logical :/ You stated earlier that you get on best with SPs, doesn't the lack of N get to y ou at times?. Personally, I have a lot of difficulty connecting with S types, way too much Ne for them to handle, and I love conversations which are free flowing and i can sort of bounce ideas back and forth, which I've had the pleasure to do with INFPs, even with emotional topics, I think that once INTPs understand Fi and how it's not so distinct from Ti, it's a lovely interaction.

lol boy you INFPs sure know some fucked up INTPs..... *questions his own INTPness* sucks that the unhealthy INTPs make more of an impct then the few and far between Healthy ones :/

its not only NTJs who want to be able to reveal their inner feelings and doesent want their SO to judge them and thats why prefer FP types. inner feelings doesent mean Fi, Fi is just a decision making function. like i mentioned earlier, its just a preference what people look in their SO, some NTJs prefer someone who they can talk about science and other stuff like that. some NTPs prefer someone who they can trust their feelings to

To OP: I cant say with certainty what types the women Ive been involved with are, only the last two which was an ENFJ and an xNFP. But thats because they took the test, the ENFJ being the one that got me into Jung's theories. I do think that some in the past have been SPs. And I dont think it meant I didnt feel any less involved with them, as with the NF's.

Do some NFs and NTs feel more naturally in tune with me than the SPs and SJs? Yes definately, but I dont restrict myself to just one or two types because of the feeling of dominance they give me or other stupid shallow shit like that. I look more on worldview and how well we cooperate.

 

[skylights]

Isn't coming your idealism in your way if you "use" black humor? That's not meant as an insult, but rather as a honest question. I start to get how Fe works and even use it myself increasingly often, but I still don't exactly get (Ne-)Fi. Don't you think something like "That shouldn't be laughed about, these people
are suffering!" or something similarily morally, dependent on the issue?

this is a good point, and not something i really fully understand either. i guess to me it's like... all ideas are fair ideas, but how you really feel about their content is not necessarily related to the expression of the idea. like, all that cracking a dead baby joke means is that you're clever enough to come up with some entertaining wordplay, it doesn't mean that you really feel like you should keep a pile of dead babies in your garage. i think the underlying meaning, why you're saying it, matters a lot more than the content itself. i think it's also really important that not using black humor isn't going to significantly decrease suffering. better allocation of world resources, yes, but black humor is just based on the fact that there is suffering. plus suffering is not always terrible... like the pain after a work out, you know, that's good pain. so it's not like we even would want to eliminate pain entirely (not to mention we'd all accidentally kill ourselves anyway if we did). and restriction of ideas sucks, which i guess is Ne speaking.

i don't know if that makes a lot of sense, but i think essentially what Fi is looking for is the underlying motive. is this person trying to make things worse with black humor? no, they're probably trying to make people laugh about something so that they feel better. and there's certainly a time and place when black humor is not so funny, but overall i think its acceptability, to me, is mainly based on intent.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Isn't coming your idealism in your way if you "use" black humor? That's not meant as an insult, but rather as a honest question. I start to get how Fe works and even use it myself increasingly often, but I still don't exactly get (Ne-)Fi. Don't you think something like "That shouldn't be laughed about, these people
are suffering!" or something similarily morally, dependent on the issue?

Nah....I don't know any NFPs who get all huffy like that either. Interestingly, my INFJ bf thinks I am quite blunt when joking - not attempting to be sensitive. I sometimes like saying what is not said by anyone, but thought by nearly everyone. The sort of shock of it to Fe types will usually make them laugh. They've been delicately skimming the surface of the issue, and here the NFP just says it, which releases a tension. I've seen SFPs do the same thing. It can very much be a Pe thing to test boundaries anyway.

Skylights hits the nail on the head - it boils down to motive. Good use of Fi means focusing on the core of issues in order to evaluate them properly, so we tend to boil it down to the main intent behind an action/statement. An idea is just an idea, but what is the significance behind it?

I'm not a big fan of mean spirited humor when it clearly has real malicious intent, and because it often fails to be witty anyway. For instance, mocking the fat kid to their face to humiliate them in front of a crowd - not funny to me, just mean.

 

[onemoretime]

Isn't coming your idealism in your way if you "use" black humor? That's not meant as an insult, but rather as a honest question. I start to get how Fe works and even use it myself increasingly often, but I still don't exactly get (Ne-)Fi. Don't you think something like "That shouldn't be laughed about, these people are suffering!" or something similarily morally, dependent on the issue?

I don't understand it either, but the way I can reconcile myself with it is through recognizing that what personally tickles you can be devastating to others, and to simply act in a sensitive way when these instances arise. What one shouldn't do is universalize one's own reaction as "right", and criticize others for disagreeing.

 

[ceecee]

An NTJ and NFJ would make good friends, advisers, co-workers, and counselors for each other, but there would be no chemistry because they're too similar in some way, and ironically because of that similarity, they tend to look down on one another for the way they make decisions on some level, even if they consciously try to overcome it. The feelings would be more like those between siblings.

I had to quote this just because it made me laugh, looking at my own intj/enfj relationship. I don't think you're wrong, however. If we had no chemistry, my ENFJ and I likely would be very close friends. He is my consigliere and I embrace his method and want his guidance because it is different from my own view.

My honest feelings is that, for us, it works because I am the INTJ and he is the ENFJ and not the other way around. Being male and being female can't be completely trumped by type, there is just too much going on biologically.

I know this is a general observance and of course mileage may vary depending on the people. I do have an ENFP best female friend, although I don't know if I reveal my inner feelings to her at all. She seems far more comfortable to come to me when she needs to hear....are you listening to the idiocy coming out of your mouth? Get in here, crazy. Everyone wants a person who won't judge and this is true of her.

 

[Athenian200]

My honest feelings is that, for us, it works because I am the INTJ and he is the ENFJ and not the other way around. Being male and being female can't be completely trumped by type, there is just too much going on biologically.

I agree, that can definitely be an influence. If there's enough biological chemistry, a person can be drawn to stay in a relationship for a long time with someone they have NO emotional compatibility with... let alone someone who makes a good friend. A relationship with one's shadow, or one's own type, isn't outside the realm of possibility. Of course, it depends on the individual people, how attractive they find each other, how strong their libido is, which type is which gender, cultural background, religion, values, etc. If I've seen it to work the way I do most of the time, it may well be because the NT is usually male, and the NF is usually female. And often even when it's the other way around, the same pattern often applies, though the tendency isn't as pronounced in that case.

The thing about using typology in this way, is that there are a LOT of factors that aren't incorporated. So many that I almost wince at the idea of making prescriptions based on type. The imperfection needs to be remembered when consulting typology for dating advice.

Thank you for the feedback, though.

 

[brainheart]

Isn't coming your idealism in your way if you "use" black humor?

As long as it's actually unique and creative, I love it. Team America is one of my favorite movies, South Park one of my favorite shows. But I think Family Guy is dumb, so I find it's humor more offensive. And yes, as OrangeAppled said, when it's just straight-up mean, then it's not funny, and it bothers me. And it all depends on my current mood. Sometimes things offend me way more than they would at other times. Note my interaction with INTP. On other days I probably would have just rolled my eyes, but... I hate to admit this... PMS-time, gah....

 

[The_World_As_Will]

As long as it's actually unique and creative, I love it. Team America is one of my favorite movies, South Park one of my favorite shows. But I think Family Guy is dumb, so I find it's humor more offensive. And yes, as OrangeAppled said, when it's just straight-up mean, then it's not funny, and it bothers me. And it all depends on my current mood. Sometimes things offend me way more than they would at other times. Note my interaction with INTP. On other days I probably would have just rolled my eyes, but... I hate to admit this... PMS-time, gah....

From what i've learned by having a female INFP girlfriend and best-friend, when those GRRRrr kill 'em all moments occur, just listen to some really awesome metal it channels it pretty well

Also I agree with the family guy thing, I personally prefer south park (in fact i'm watching it right now while typing this) FG has sort of become 'background noise, or oh I need some filler humour if i can't find anything interesting" but Seth makes an occasional funny, or I'll just watch for the storyline.

 

[brainheart]

From what i've learned by having a female INFP girlfriend and best-friend, when those GRRRrr kill 'em all moments occur, just listen to some really awesome metal it channels it pretty well

I prefer Pissed Jeans. [

 

[lunalum]

I don't even get the being paired with another type thing. Why can't NTs pair with NTs (and so on)? I think it's less tricky that way.

 

[Elfboy]

I'd say my friends primarily tend to be NFs (with some NTs, SPs, and SJs tossed in there) and those I seem to be attracted to irl tend to be SPs. SPs seem to be the golden ticket- they get me out of my head, make me have fun, lighten me up. NTs, on the other hand, keep me in my head and make me feel too emotional. So what's this about, eh? Any NT/NF pairs out there got anything positive to say about it?

agreed, ESFPs are hot
as far as friends go, most of mine are usually NTJ or NFP (my best friend is ENTJ). I think NF-NT friendships work because of the "finally someone who can intellectually keep up with me" factor. I prefer talking to people online most of the time because it gives people more time to respond. most people who I try to talk to in real life are like "WTF?!" unless I kick it back a notch on the intellectual intensity. NFs and NTs are very mentally intense and give each other someone to use their full intellectual capabilities on. Sensors most of the time would rather actually do something than have an intense verbal spar or discuss the future direction of the world for several hours at a time.
I really don't get the attraction thing though. I love NTs, but I just don't find them sexy at all. not that I can't see why other people wouldn't, but I definitely need a Feeler partner.

 

[KDude]

I think NF-NT friendships work because of the "finally someone who can intellectually keep up with me" factor..

 

[Elfboy]

lol. the pick is funny, but I'm not sure as to what you're trying to convey with it.

 

[INTP]

lol. the pick is funny, but I'm not sure as to what you're trying to convey with it.

there is also something that Ts are able to benefit from Fs