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  1. #11
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    i understand that feeling. it's actually the opposite of projecting - it's the other person relentlessly projecting followed by self-fulfilling prophecy. it's usually with NTPs, ime, INTPs especially, who tend to get impatient with Fi, and argue that because you're expressing emotion, you can't also be rational. big difference between rational and logical, though.

    the frustration is that you know that emotional expression is not clouding your understanding, but the NTP insists that it is, which makes you more upset, which makes the NTP harp on it even more, which makes you eventually break down and the NTP seems to "win". it's just like one giant downward toilet flush spiral for the NFP.
    When someone is this stubborn and is in essence being manipulative, why not walk away from them? If you do it with disdain and don't show they can get to you, there's no fun or self-perceived win on their side.

    Quote Originally Posted by violaine View Post
    Yes, emotionality is something that comes from inside. For me, it's not projection, it's that different parts of my interior come to the surface depending upon whom I'm interacting with. The NTs I've been with have expressed that they feel similarly when we interact, i.e. strong emotions, that are often dormant for them, are tapped by our interactions.
    Looking back at your original post, it looks like you need the dynamics of strong emotions to feel connected to someone. If that's the case, you're going to create the environment that gives you what you need.

  2. #12
    violaine
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    Yes, I need to feel strongly about someone to feel bonded. Otherwise I would just remain single. I'm going to create the environment I need in a relationship in that I am only in relationships with people who elicit strong emotion from me. I prefer these to be positive emotions.

  3. #13
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by violaine View Post
    Yes, I need to feel strongly about someone to feel bonded. Otherwise I would just remain single. I'm going to create the environment I need in a relationship in that I am only in relationships with people who elicit strong emotion from me. I prefer these to be positive emotions.
    Well yes, I think I'm the same way.... it seems I was interpreting the OP differently though - I think I'm focusing on something else.
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  4. #14
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metaphor View Post
    When someone is this stubborn and is in essence being manipulative, why not walk away from them? If you do it with disdain and don't show they can get to you, there's no fun or self-perceived win on their side.
    absolutely, i totally agree. it's taken me a long time to get to a place of being able to see this, though. i'm still not very good at it.

    i suspect that strong Fi makes it hard to just walk away because there's a driving need for the other person to understand and accept you. it's kind of an identity thing - you don't want them thinking you're something you're not (irrational), so you try to show them otherwise... and end up just digging yourself deeper. walking away feels to Fi like you're losing, though, because it feels like you're giving up by allowing the other person to think you're something that you aren't. like you're sacrificing who you are, almost.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metaphor View Post
    How can anyone make anyone else feel more emotional? This is something within yourselves where you're projecting your internal conflict onto NTs.

    Not attracted to NFs but enjoy them as friends and acquaintances.
    NTs can make you more emotional because they often call attention to your emotion with their extreme lack of it. Around other temperaments, the contrast isnt so sharp.

  6. #16
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    different people look for different things out of their mates. some NFs prefer the balance that NTs give to their F and have the N there as common way of seeing the world. some NFs prefer clones from themselves as mates who they can live in their own little la la land with etc etc. its just a personal preference, it seems to be pretty common for people to look for qualities that offer balance for them in their mates
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  7. #17
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    OP: The dynamics are very different, yes. My ENFP sister likes both NTJs and INFJs, and there a big difference between them as far as vibe goes. ENFP with INTJ for her is not the same as INFJ. She feels a "soul mate" situation with other NFs, and a mind-heart connection with NTJs.
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  8. #18
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    absolutely, i totally agree. it's taken me a long time to get to a place of being able to see this, though. i'm still not very good at it.

    i suspect that strong Fi makes it hard to just walk away because there's a driving need for the other person to understand and accept you. it's kind of an identity thing - you don't want them thinking you're something you're not (irrational), so you try to show them otherwise... and end up just digging yourself deeper. walking away feels to Fi like you're losing, though, because it feels like you're giving up by allowing the other person to think you're something that you aren't. like you're sacrificing who you are, almost.
    As a wonky/baby Fi user, Fi comes on strong for me too when it manifests so I understand where you're coming from completely. Think of it this way. How many NTJs or ENTPs like "losing" or walking away? INTPs are naturally passive-aggressive so it's easier for them although one way to push their buttons in return is to erode on or devastate the framework of their arguments.

    Quote Originally Posted by Emectar View Post
    NTs can make you more emotional because they often call attention to your emotion with their extreme lack of it. Around other temperaments, the contrast isnt so sharp.
    We don't really lack emotions. Where we're different is how we decision make. NTs try and not always accomplish decision-making through their thinking function where NFs decision make through their feeling function. Within ENTJs who are 8w7 sx/sps, our emotions can be volcanic in nature.

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    my friends IRL tend to be female FJs, and male NTs. it strikes me that my mom is FJ and my dad NT. lol!
    I was thinking about this today! My dad is an INTP and my mom an ENFJ. My almost bff is an ENFJ. I suspect that my closest male friend is an NFJ as well. I find it natural to talk to NFJs and NTPs actually (but it's a bit harder to get that close to NTPs sometimes). I suspect the NFJs think I'm a lost soul that needs some direction (their words, not mine) so they take me under their wings.

    It's interesting that some of you have mentioned the feeling emotional thing. I find that it happens to me as well when I'm talking to the NFJ boy. He goes into T-mode and I find I need to go into F-mode (and defend the ones with no voice).

  10. #20
    ⒺⓉⒷ Eric B's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    I'd say my friends primarily tend to be NFs (with some NTs, SPs, and SJs tossed in there) and those I seem to be attracted to irl tend to be SPs. SPs seem to be the golden ticket- they get me out of my head, make me have fun, lighten me up. NTs, on the other hand, keep me in my head and make me feel too emotional. So what's this about, eh? Any NT/NF pairs out there got anything positive to say about it?
    While NF and SP appear to have nothing in common according to Keirsey's temperament matrix; Linda Berens introduced a "cross-factor" that ties them together, and explains what you describe.
    Both are "motive-focused", which basically is a people focus as opposed to task focus. They like to work with others rather than force them into a structure. So yes, they will seem more "fun" to each other than the more serious NT's and SJ's.
    Meanwhile, of course, what you will have in common with the NT's is the iNtuition, and you will differ on T/F (impersonal vs personal and emotional).

    NT's and SJ's will sync more in maintaining structures; though they will disagree as to whether the structures are concrete (organizations, etc) or abstract (plans, ideas).
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