I am thoroughly confused! I took the Myers Briggs at the insistence of someone else telling me it can help me decide what to do with my life. Awesome, I need help with that.
Now, I have done tons of research and reading, mostly on different types and what they prefer, how they are on a daily basis. And I am more confused than ever. Here is what I know:
I like to be alone, and do things alone. I am awkward and sometimes aloof in social situations, but can act very confident talking to some people.
I empathize well and can understand where some people are coming from, but I have to know them. It seems like with family and friends I've known a long time, I can understand them better than new people I meet.
I make decisions based on feelings and logic. I know, everyone does. For example, I will go shopping and buy 4 new shirts I think are cute and can afford (barely...I'm bad at managing money) and the next day will return all of them because I don't really need them. I am notorious among friends for returning purchases the next day. A lot of times I won't buy things knowing that I will forget about them if I don't buy it.
I was in a relationship for 3 weeks. The guy really liked me. I could never really figure out why because we had just met. He said "I just can't explain it." Eventually things ended because I kind of felt like he was smothering me and didn't know what to do. He said "time is fine" but it wasn't. I mean...eventually I would just be needing to decide the same thing, whether to be with him or not and that stressed me out. I wasn't sure if I would like someone the same, if they told me all the same nice compliments. And I told him that. I know...cringe with me. It wasn't until I sat down and thought about this that I realized how horrible that is to verbalize. To me, it was just getting out every thought/emotion that was in the way of making the commitment. I couldn't commit knowing I had those thoughts.
I am organized. Everything in my room has a place, and on my good streak, I will put everything away at night. Bad streak means my room stay messy for a week and then I have a massive cleaning. I don't care if I have a basket of junk, as long as the junk looks organized it can stay peacefully in my room.
School meant procrastination. Since middle school, I have been a procrastinator. So much so that by my senior year of college, I would schedule all nighters to write a paper from start to finish. I learned how to do very well on the papers so I was earning A's.
I am scared of what people think of me. I've had many awkward moments with (most introvert) friends because I assume that they judged something I said or did and almost want to clarify for them that I meant something different, or that I'm feeling tension and I don't mean to be so awkward, but I don't know a tactful way to say that.
Perhaps the most perplexing to me is: I went through my high school and some college years feeling like I wasn't good enough. I didn't give myself much credit or push myself because I wasn't sure I could actually finish anything (I guess). I wanted to drink, but couldn't knowing that I was underage. Now I do drink on rare occasions and sometimes just to let loose. I feel like I put off the image that I would never just do "stuff" with guys as one night stands or anything. And I wouldn't. Yet, I have made out with random guys just because I am drunk and they pay attention to me. AHh!! At the same time, I never let it get far because I am "not like that". But there I am, blowing with the f ing wind because someone puts their hand on my back. I can see that my innocent image attracts some people and then it becomes something I'm proud of. And then I'm disgusted that I'm proud of that.
I classified myself as an INFP, but now it seems like I'm not. For example: when I like a boy, I don't make it obvious at all. I try to candidly make eye contact or get close to him, but other than that I am awkward. I read that is typical behavior for INFPs, and when I went out last night I was aware of that. I met a guy who seemed interested in me, so I kind of played with that a little bit. Instead of straying away because I kind of liked him, I let it happen and acted my part.
Almost as if knowing how I am gave me the freedom to change. But ah! I don't want to change. I like the image (I think) people get from me. I'm having many internal battles that I can't even put into words.
again...
OK...that is all. If you've read this far, thanks. For letting me ramble about myself. If you have any insight into this, please let me know
